"Uncle Fireball, you're the one who's going to be killed by Shu Sha's shotgun, right?"
I said to Uncle Fireball after we moved to another bedroom and closed the door.
"Nonsense. Why would my niece want to kill me? " Uncle Fireball was indignant, "I taught Shu Sha's marksmanship and I'm her uncle. Wouldn't she be ungrateful if she killed me?"
I made a mocking smile on my face, "Uncle Fireball, would you be able to face Shu Sha's parents if you let Shu Zhe serve you as a trap?"
Uncle Fireball had an expression of shame, then defended himself: "I just can't get it out of my chest, so I should be able to calm it down after playing a trick on Shu Zhe …"
"Really?" I continued, "I heard Shu Zhe say you were browsing the pages for lubricants and intestine washers. Are you trying to burst Shu Zhe's chrysanthemum? The most unforgivable part is that you're not even looking at my shop's product page. "
"If you really want to buy it, you can buy it from my shop."
I accidentally went back to being the owner of the Happy Valley Love Store.
"Buy it from your shop?" Uncle Fireball widened his eyes, "My right arm became like this because I bought your counterfeit products."
"Uncle Fireball, calm down." I said calmly because of my heart disease, "Other than the entrapment items, Shu Zhe was the one who sent the rest of the items. Strictly speaking, you're not buying items from 'my family', you're buying items from 'your own family'."
Uncle Fireball furrowed his brows. "Then why does the sender always write your address on the delivery form? If it was my nephew's home address, then I would have noticed something was wrong. "
"Uncle Fireball, calm down ~ ~ ~ or else your IQ will be dragged down ~ ~ ~" I calmly took a sip of water from the water dispenser, "The things Shu Zhe sends you are all worse than the last. The delivery man could purposely pick up the goods when my sister isn't home, but if there's a problem with the goods, it would be terrible if my sister found out he wanted to return the goods."
"That's why I wrote down our shipping address and left my contact information. I'll take care of all the subsequent problems!"
"Also, Uncle Fireball, why didn't you say the delivery address wasn't the Forest Guardian's Hut!" I said seriously, "The address you left was the town at the foot of the mountain! Furthermore, he had someone else collect it for him! How dare you let someone else collect such a terrible thing!? "
It was fine if Uncle Fireball didn't want to listen, but once he heard what I said, he started to complain:
"You have to climb the mountain to get to the forest ranger's hut, and the courier isn't willing to do it! And if he was eaten by a bear, whose responsibility would it be! The first Tenga airplane cup I bought was thrown at the foot of the mountain by the delivery man and I was told to pick it up myself. By the time I got there, the package had already been half-opened by Monkey! "
Holy shit! This monkey's evolution was quite fast! You almost got the chance to try out the high-tech airplane cup that was the culmination of hundreds of years of human intelligence!
"That's why I asked Old Liu from the hotel at the foot of the mountain to collect it for me! Many of the ginsengs I dug up were sold to him! He's obsessed with Qigong, so he's not interested in anything other than herbs that can increase his power! "
We were a pair of business enemies. After complaining to each other for a long time, we realized we were both at fault and neither of us was completely innocent.
"Ye Lin." Uncle Fireball glanced at his wedding photo on the wall and said, "I feel like we're in the same boat, neither of us can run away."
"Huh? What do you mean? "
"Tsk, you're still calling me stupid?" Uncle Fireball knocked on the bedside table. "My brother only has Shu Zhe, and Shasha only has Shu Zhe as her younger brother. Now that we've worked together to make Shu Zhe wear women's underwear, he's developed a strange fetish, and now two men are fighting to be his girlfriend …"
"It's three men." I pointed, "There's also a taekwondo practitioner called Tang Jiang, but he doesn't know Shu Zhe is a man yet."
"You're courting death!" Uncle Fireball was triggered by the irresponsible increase in the number of pursuers, "What would Sha Sha do if she knew her brother was being chased by three men, and the instigators were you and me?"
"Would she really break us up?" I probed.
"Why not!" Uncle Fireball slapped his thigh, "I know Sha Sha's personality the best! She really dotes on her brother. If she knew I didn't increase Shu Zhe's manliness, I even … "
I also had a guilty conscience: when I tricked Shu Zhe into becoming a rope model, I told the class leader that I would help Shu Zhe with sports training so he could pass the high school entrance exam.
In the end, he didn't pass the high school entrance exam, but he passed the requirements as a trap. Many girls would be jealous to the point of tears if he had three men chasing after him.
The class leader would also cry if she knew the truth! Not tears of jealousy, but tears of blood from the bottom of her heart!
"I'm going to punish you on behalf of the Shu family's ancestors for turning the only boy in my family into this!"
"Bang!" "Bang!"
After two gunshots, Uncle Fireball and I fell to the ground. But the class leader didn't feel any joy from getting her revenge because her brother was dating six men a day and the gifts he received filled several empty rooms.
After swallowing my saliva, I could only admit that Uncle Fireball was right. If jiejie found out about Shu Zhe's true feminization, then Uncle Fireball and I would most likely be killed by Shu Sha.
I suddenly remembered the reason I brought Xiao Ding and Fan Chuan here today was not only to prevent Shu Zhe's ass from getting penetrated, but also to eliminate the hidden danger hanging over the class leader.
Thus I said in a serious tone: "Uncle Fireball, are you a lolicon?"
"Not really …" Uncle Fireball wasn't as confident as Director Cao in this regard.
"You can't just control a little!" I suddenly raised my voice, "Tell me! When Shu Sha went to the forest to find you when she was 12, did you ever take advantage of her when you were teaching her shooting? "
Uncle Fireball's face immediately turned the color of a pig's liver, "Why … would I do something to my own niece? I hadn't even learned how to use a computer back then and hadn't even started surfing the internet yet! The most I did was touch her head! "
"What about now?" I pursued closely, "Now that you've degenerated into a pervert, have you ever thought about doing something to Shu Sha? Since you're the uncle she once respected, she definitely wouldn't be on guard against you, right? "
"I …" Large beads of sweat appeared on Uncle Fireball's face and his eyebrows were knitted into a mess.
"I also think it's embarrassing that I've degenerated to this extent! I can only blame the Japanese and Americans for creating too much pornography on the internet! But … no matter what, I'm still Shu Sha's uncle, I wouldn't do anything bad to her! At least in front of Shu Sha, I have to maintain my lofty image! "
I felt a bit more at ease when I saw his sincerity, then I asked half-jokingly: "Uncle Fireball, are you actually afraid of getting shot by Shu Sha?"
When I was using words to act like a hooligan, the class leader clearly stated that if she was violated, she would definitely not endure the humiliation and remain silent. Instead, she would resolutely call the police. If the law couldn't give her justice, she would use a shotgun to seek justice.
"Don't look down on me!" Uncle Fireball said solemnly, "Although Shu Sha's shotgun is indeed scary, that's not the reason I didn't do anything to her! If I really did something that's worse than an animal, how would I be able to face Shu Sha's parents and my brother and sister-in-law! "
"Um …" Although I wanted to praise Uncle Fireball for having a conscience, I still roasted him: "If you don't do anything to Shu Sha and only do something to Shu Zhe, would you be able to face your brother and sister-in-law?"
"How is that the same!" Uncle Fireball glared at me and said, "It's not like traps can get pregnant!"
Damn, you're still thinking about getting Shu Zhe pregnant! It looks like if I didn't come to save him today, you would have really burst Shu Zhe's ass! Although I was pretty sure the class leader wasn't in danger, I let out a sigh of relief and probably didn't care too much about Shu Zhe's ass …
"Uncle Fireball …" I tapped my fingertips on the dresser, "So you really did buy lubricant and intestine washer online. It should be delivered soon, right?"
"I didn't buy those things." Uncle Fireball refused to admit it, "I did browse them online, but I didn't buy them."
"Then what did you buy? What was the 'surprise' you told Shu Zhe you were going to give him after dinner? "
"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you in advance!"
"It must be something worse … unless it's so bad that even my store doesn't sell it, so you have to buy it from someone else?"
I was still brooding over Uncle Fireball buying other people's things.
"Only an idiot would continue buying things from your store! Did I not learn my lesson after being tricked so badly? "
Speak of the devil. As I was discussing the delivery with Uncle Fireball, the doorbell rang and a young man's voice said: "Delivery!"
Uncle Fireball quickly got up and went to the living room to open the door. Fan Chuan and Xiao Ding also poked their heads out of Shu Zhe's bedroom to check on the situation.
If it was me in the past, I would have definitely rushed to the delivery, but now I have to be careful because of my heart condition and reduce unnecessary actions.
Also, who knows if the delivery will be paid upon delivery! Why should I pay if you bought a prop to burst Shu Zhe's ass! It's not like I'm interested in Shu Zhe's ass!
After Uncle Fireball signed for it, the courier left in a hurry to deliver the goods to the next family. As for me, Fan Chuan, and Xiao Ding, the three of us surrounded Uncle Fireball and waited for him to open the package in front of us.
"Uncle Fireball, you shouldn't lie in front of a real person. Can you open the package and let us see what's inside?"
"That's right! Su Dongpo, hurry up and open the package! We'll know what your intentions are towards Xiao Hong An after looking at the contents of the package! "
"If it's lubricant and intestine washer, I, Fan Chuan, will immediately beat you up!"
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