"Ai Mi, you shouldn't be swaggering around in front of the lion and acting like you're delicious …"
"Maid Qin, shut your mouth! I'm not purposely acting like I'm delicious! Only a foodie like you who craves penguin scrambled eggs every day would think that way! "
Peng TouSi and I blocked the lion's path in the narrow Ocean World corridor, while Ai Mi and Xiao Qin were still bickering behind us.
I listened to Peng TouSi's suggestion and took off my top. I was only wearing a tight black tank top. Then, I raised my top over my head and spread it out like a tent to make my body seem larger than it actually is.
I never thought this method would actually work. The lion was already worried about the two meter tall Peng TouSi, but now that he realized I had 'transformed', he couldn't help but slowly retreat.
I felt like I looked stupid with my clothes spread out over my head. It was a bit like the umbrella lizards that eat crickets in New Guinea. But it's better than being eaten by a lion. I highly recommend you to imitate me when you encounter a lion in the wild.
The key is to not show any obvious fear when facing a wild beast. After you use your clothes to scare the lion, you must not turn around and run. Not only would that look stupid, but it would also create a lot of resistance.
"Are we going to hold on until the zookeeper arrives?" I asked Peng TouSi.
"The longer we hold on, the better." Peng TouSi replied, "It's best if we can keep the lion here. Otherwise, if he escapes somewhere else, the other tourists might not have the same experience as us. If we don't handle it properly and it causes a lion to attack, it could lead to a tragedy."
Unlike Peng TouSi's scary appearance, he was unusually kind. He believed in God and Buddhism, and he understood that saving a life is better than building a seven-story pagoda.
I felt it was too tiring and stupid to hold my top over my head for a long time, so I draped my top over my head and shoulders to create a hood effect similar to that in Assassin's Creed.
"F * ck, these two people are really audacious!" A tourist commented from a few meters behind us, "They can actually laugh and talk in front of a lion …"
"The two meter tall man on the right is fine since he came from Africa, so he must have seen a lot of lions. But the young man on the left is at most 18 years old, yet he's so calm in front of a lion, it's really admirable."
Hey! I'm clearly only 16 years old! Are you saying I'm 18 because I look older? Moreover, Peng TouSi did not come from an African tribe! He grew up in the slums of Russia and later moved to the United States. He had nothing to do with Africa!
"Actually, my mother encountered a lion when she was filming in Africa." Xiao Qin suddenly said something surprising, "But the local guide was very experienced. He took off his clothes and waved them over his head. He also slapped his feet and shouted," Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, "and the lion was quickly scared away."
He obviously ran away because there were too many people in the crew! Taking a step back, it was also because he thought that the guide was mentally abnormal and was afraid that he would be infected with mad cow disease after eating him!
No matter what, I wouldn't wave my clothes over my head and scream. There were already tourists recording it with their phones. If I did that, I would most likely appear on Dong Shan city's local TV station. It would be too shameful.
"What a bummer." After listening to Xiao Qin's story, Ai Mi said, "Why didn't your mom get eaten by the lion? If that was the case, there wouldn't be an existence like you. "
"I'm really sorry." Xiao Qin replied with a giggle, "When my mom became a martial arts director, I was already born and I was still happily playing with Ye Lin classmate!"
Don't bring up our childhood matters! You were the only one who was happy when we were playing! Auntie Ren had to face the lion in Africa, but I had to face the saber-toothed tiger in the courtyard!
"Bastard, it was supposed to be a happy life for me and my brother, but it was taken away by an unrelated person like you …"
Ai Mi muttered in a dissatisfied voice.
My childhood with Ai Mi was indeed a lot more comfortable than my childhood with Xiao Qin. At least I didn't have to get beaten up and I didn't have to grow handicapped.
But that way, Ai ShuQiao would be the one who educated me during my childhood, just like how Fishy was raised in the Vile Valley. I don't know how evil I would become.
After being educated by Ai ShuQiao to be selfish, I might not even value Ai Mi as my own sister. Instead of becoming like that, I'd rather be washed by Xiao Qin in the courtyard with rainwater from a broken water jar!
"Right, Peng TouSi, do you carry a gun with you?"
I wanted to confirm this to increase my confidence in confronting the lion.
Peng TouSi lowered his voice, "Normal pistols can't pass through the zoo's security, so I brought a miniature ceramic pistol used by spies during the Cold War. But it's not powerful enough against a lion. If I used a pistol in front of so many people, it would cause a lot of trouble — — so I won't take out a gun unless I have no other choice."
So, there will always be a pistol, right? If that's the case, then the lion in front of us isn't that scary anymore. I let out a long breath and started chatting with Peng TouSi.
"I heard the more casual you act in front of the beast, the less the beast will pounce on you, right?"
Peng TouSi nodded, "That's true. Since our goal is to restrain the lion, why don't we talk about something? Lin, what do you think?"
I scratched my scalp that was covered by my shirt, "Um … what should we talk about? Peng TouSi, do you usually play online games? Are you a Dota fan or a LOL fan? "
"I don't know much about online games, but Miss Ai Mi used to play LOL for a while. Since she can play it with her feet, then that game should be pretty simple, right?"
Actually, it's not that simple. Ai Mi can give fewer orders with her feet, so she won't be a burden to her four teammates.
But our goal is to chat cheerfully in front of the lion, so it's not appropriate to have a heated debate. I continued with a smile:
"Xiao Ding, who works part-time at the zoo, is a 100% Dota fan. He preaches to me every day how Dota is superior and that everyone who plays League of Legends is a retard …"
Before I finished speaking, the lion's posture suddenly changed.
Its tail was originally sweeping back and forth. According to Xiao Yin's interpretation, it meant that the lion was not in a good mood and felt that Peng TouSi and I weren't as cute as the lioness.
But at this moment, its tail was straight and it would twitch from time to time. This meant that it was angry and was ready to get serious at any time.
Damn, what's going on? What did I say to offend the lion? Could it be that the giant cat in front of me is a hardcore LOL fan? I passed on Xiao Ding's words and said that everyone who plays League of Legends is a retard and I made you angry?
Don't! Actually, I've played both games, and I've played League of Legends a lot more than Dota!
I quickly explained to the lion: "Um, because I'm a retard, I prefer League of Legends that's easier to learn …"
Wow, the lion got even angrier! It even let out a threatening growl! Did I make things worse by explaining? But you're a lion, you shouldn't understand human language, and you shouldn't like League of Legends!
I decided to change the topic.
"Peng TouSi, between Android and Apple, which one do you prefer?"
"Well, each has its pros and cons … Android has a high degree of DIY, while Apple has a high degree of hardware integration. But I personally prefer Android because a lot of military-grade phones use Android."
"What a coincidence, I also prefer Android."
The atmosphere was harmonious, but the lion's eyes were wide open and its fangs were exposed. It was clearly angrier.
Why? Why can you understand our discussion about the pros and cons of the mobile phone system? Why are you angry when we compliment Android? Could it be that you, a lion, are still an unwavering Apple fan?
"It's bad!" Xiao Qin anxiously reminded, "The lion's growl is so deep, it means it's about to pounce! Let's hurry up and dance a rain-praying dance to scare it! "
Who wants to dance a rain-praying dance with you! Let's not talk about the effects, there are still a lot of tourists recording it!
"Be careful." Peng TouSi said in a deep voice, "The lion's reaction is strange. It might have something to do with a tourist's clothes or hair gel, but we don't have time to rule it out. If the lion pounces, I'll try my best to knock it down in one strike. If I don't succeed, you can pick up something and smash it in the face!"
What a domineering declaration, you only need one strike to deal with a ferocious beast like the lion? I might as well teach you Yin Yang Sanshou, then you can beat the world for me and make Yin Yang Sanshou the number one fighting technique in the universe!
While I was letting my imagination run wild, the lion had already jumped up from the ground and was about to bite Peng TouSi.
Peng TouSi was fearless. He took a deep breath and his joints cracked. I had no doubt he could beat the lion to a pulp with one punch.
But Peng TouSi's godlike punch missed.
The only reason was because the lion showed a hint of fear. It didn't jump with all its might and only landed on all fours in front of Peng TouSi and me. Not only did it reveal fear in its eyes, but it was also sniffing with all its might as if it was trying to smell something.
Huh? Looking at its eyes, is it sniffing the smell of my hair? There shouldn't be a weird smell on my hair? I never use hair gel …
Wait! Could it be that the aura of the tigress Susan is still lingering on my head? I can't be that stubborn! Although I've been infected with the tiger's ringworm, shouldn't the smell have dissipated after so many days?
Although it's very suitable for me to use my LV999 'Smiling Dog Head' skill at such a close distance, it's different from when I had no other choice. The lion's bloody mouth was too scary.
When the lion was hesitating because of the tigress smell on my head, Ai Mi opened her backpack and took out a square object and handed it to me.
"Brother, use this iPad to slap its face!"
That … is actually slap its face? But since this lion is an Apple fan, it's perfect to slap its face with Apple products!
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