137. Uncertain Future
That night, He Jin went to the high-speed rail station with his father. It was September and the weather had turned cold. He Jin remembered that he had a change of clothes at home, so he didn't go back to his rented apartment with Qin Yang. He just called Qin Yang before leaving.
Qin Yang had just accepted a few advertisements after signing with an entertainment company. He had been busy shooting for the past two days and had applied for leave from school. He hadn't returned home yet. When he heard He Jin say that he was going back to Q City, he became nervous. "Why? What happened? "
"My mom isn't well. My dad came to find me." He Jin didn't want Qin Yang to worry, so he only mentioned this. When he made the call, he was already at the high-speed rail station. His father was smoking nearby. He Jin spoke very softly, not daring to let his father hear him.
Qin Yang didn't have a good impression of this mother-in-law who had smashed He Jin's helmet and left a scar on his back. He was actually afraid that this big boss would affect his relationship with He Jin, so he couldn't help but ask, "Not well? Is she lying to you? "
He Jin was furious. "Qin Yang! This isn't something you can joke about! "
He was already confused enough, yet Qin Yang still said this …
Qin Yang heard He Jin's tone and felt that he had said something wrong. He quickly said, "Sorry, I'm afraid you'll be wronged when you go back."
He Jin sighed. He didn't have the mood to explain to Qin Yang before he understood the specific situation.
"When are you coming back?" Qin Yang was concerned about this. Unfortunately, he was at work and couldn't escape. Otherwise, he would've gone back with He Jin regardless of the consequences.
"I'll probably be back in a day or two. I'm just going to visit my mom. There are still two months of classes before I come back. I have to choose my graduation thesis, so I can't miss too much. Don't worry."
It was great as long as he was back. Qin Yang's heart was at ease. He didn't know what he was worried about. Maybe it was because he had been bitten by a snake and was afraid that the incident of being abandoned nine years ago would repeat itself. "Then remember, no matter what happens, call me immediately. If Auntie needs to see a doctor or something, you can pick a good hospital and doctor. Don't worry about finances first. I'll take care of it."
He Jin's heart warmed as he said, "Okay." Seeing that his father was smoking while looking in his direction, he quickly hung up the phone.
After the father and son met up, they were silent. Papa He was slightly gratified by He Jin's cooperation, but from the beginning, He Jin did not mention the boy he was living with again. This matter still made Papa He angry and puzzled.
"Did you just call that boy?" Papa He asked softly.
He Jin grunted. Since his father already knew, there was no point in hiding it anymore.
Papa He puffed out the last mouthful of smoke and snuffed out the cigarette butt. With a weary expression, he said, "He Jin, I can try to understand you in everything except this."
His father's firm expression made He Jin's heart ache.
Indeed, the truth of the past was regrettable and shocking. His mother's illness seemed reasonable, but He Jin, who lacked understanding of "depression", didn't realize how serious it was. "Depression", "depression", He Jin always felt that it was an emotional illness. As long as he went back, apologized to his mother, and took care of his mother's emotions, everything would get better.
However, he still didn't intend to compromise. Having tasted freedom, He Jin couldn't imagine living under his mother's control again. He also didn't want to cater to his mother's expectations because of this illness.
He Jin planned to wait for his mother to get better before slowly fighting a protracted battle with his parents.
"When you graduate, you can do whatever you want, or you can find the girl you like. Dad will support you, but don't be an abnormal person." Papa He was still trying to persuade He Jin to return to the right path.
He Jin covered his face with his hands and said painfully, "Dad, don't say it."
He couldn't bear to part with Qin Yang. Half a month ago, he had dinner at Qin Yang's house, and Papa Qin even begged him not to hurt Qin Yang's heart … Why was there such a huge difference in tolerance between families?
Returning to his long-awaited home, He Jin felt as if a lifetime had passed. The house was still filled with that familiar smell, but it was less warm and more lifeless. There were some medicine bottles with torn labels on the dining table. He Jin glanced at them and found that there were more than ten kinds of medicine!
Hearing the sound, someone walked out of the bedroom. It was He Jin's aunt. She exclaimed happily in a low voice, "Why are you back so soon!"
He Jin looked in the direction of the bedroom. "Yes, aunt, where's mom?"
Aunt looked at Papa He, and Papa He nodded. "I told him everything."
Aunt pointed at her brain and said mysteriously, "She's asleep. After taking that medicine, she's very sleepy. She's awake less during the day."
Papa He put down the things and sighed. "Sleeping is good. It's better than being awake and seeking death."
Aunt looked at He Jin. "Jin Jin, it's not easy for your mother. You have to understand her."
He Jin: "…"
Papa He waved his hand and said to He Jin's aunt, "We've been in the car all night, and it's already midnight. Let's go to bed first. We'll talk tomorrow. I'll squeeze with He Jin, and you can stay with your sister."
He Jin lay on the bed, tossing and turning. The way his aunt talked about his mother was like she was talking about a 'lunatic'. He did not expect it to be so serious.
He hurriedly went online to do some research, but he did not know that his understanding of depression was too shallow.
Depression was not 'taking things too hard', nor was it 'throwing a tantrum', nor was it 'pessimistic'. It was a change in the brain's function. It was a change in the concentration of serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, which were responsible for regulating emotions, energy, and sleep. In short, it meant that the brain's function to manage emotions was broken.
When one was sick, one would need to take medicine to appear normal. Otherwise, the patient would be in a 'dark and hopeless' mood for a long period of time, losing interest in life. This was the root cause of suicidal tendencies. He Jin's heart sank.
The next day, He Jin was awakened by a gentle touch. He thought that he was in his rented apartment in A City and rubbed against that hand comfortably. But he quickly realized that he was home! Opening his eyes, He Jin saw a gloomy face. It was his mother.
"Mom …" He Jin quickly sat up and called out to her. He looked at her face in disbelief. There were obvious wrinkles on her face, and her half-white hair. He remembered that it was not there when he left. Clearly, she had aged a lot. Although it was only half a year, He Jin did not know how much psychological pressure she had been under.
Suddenly, He Jin felt very guilty and blamed himself. His heart ached as he grabbed the blanket and said softly, "Mom, I'm sorry. I was wrong."
The woman looked at him carefully and touched his face. "It's good that you're back. It's good that you're back. I haven't seen you for half a year. I miss you so much. I'm also in the wrong. I apologize."
He Jin's eyes were wet. This was the understanding and respect he wanted, as well as the peaceful coexistence he wanted. He grabbed his mother's hand and said guiltily, "Stop touching me. I'm here. I'm fine."
The woman still stared at him and asked him about the details of the past six months. He Jin felt guilty and did not dare to mention the matter between him and Qin Yang in front of his mother. He only said that he stayed at a classmate's house for a few days after running away from home. Later, when school reopened, he lied and said that he had worked outside for half a year. The woman's heart ached so much that she cried. She repeatedly apologized to him and said that he had suffered.
He Jin did not know how to cover up his lie. He only wanted to deceive her as much as he could. Moreover, for the time being, he did not see how his mother was different from ordinary people. He Jin was quite optimistic. His father was also very happy that He Jin's return had worked. However, his optimistic attitude did not last long. Soon, he witnessed his mother's "illness" with his own eyes.
It was lunchtime. He Jin mentioned his summer internship experience and carefully mentioned his intention to stay in City A to work after graduation. His mother's face instantly darkened. She put down her bowl and chopsticks and began to say, "No." She spoke very quickly, just like every time she rejected He Jin's request in the past. There was no way for anyone to interrupt. Towards the end, she stared blankly at one spot, as if she was talking to herself. In the end, she started crying. As she cried, she said, "How could you do this to me? How could you be so cruel and unfilial? I'm your mother! I'm your mother! If you leave me, what's the point of me living? What's the point of me living? I might as well die! "
He Jin did not know how to deal with this situation. He could only promise against his will, "I'm not leaving," "I'll be back," and "Mom, don't cry." After persuading her for a long time, his mother still looked like she had nothing left to live for. In the end, his father coaxed her into giving her medicine. Only then did she slowly calm down.
Only then did He Jin realize that he had been too naive and idealistic.
Because he still had to go to school, he had no choice but to leave. After He Jin and his mother resolved their conflict on the surface, he took the high-speed train back. He also promised to video call her once a week in the following days to report on the details of his life.
Everything seemed to have returned to the past.
After returning home, He Jin felt as if he had been infected. He was completely depressed and pessimistic. He felt that under such circumstances, his and Qin Yang's future was bleak.
On the day he returned to school, he did not know why, but he did not go to the house he rented with Qin Yang. Instead, he returned to the dormitory for the night.
Hou Dongyan asked him how things were going. He Jin said, "It's worse than I imagined." He didn't tell Qin Yang that his mother was suffering from depression, but he told Hou Dongyan. "She's taking a lot of medicine, but I checked. The medicine has quite a lot of side effects. Taking too much of it is not good for the body. Now, my dad is taking care of her alone."
Hou Dongyan asked, "What about you and Qin Yang?"
He Jin should have been firm, but at that moment, he hesitated. "I don't know …"
Hou Dongyan sighed. "Sigh, I think you should just play around in the game. How many couples can be together in real life? It's too unreliable."
That's right. He Jin used to think the same way. How could two men walk down such a difficult path in real life? But after getting together with Qin Yang, he had unknowingly been infected by the other party's passion and love. He liked the feeling of being surrounded by positive energy and confidence when he was with Qin Yang.
"I read in a book that relationships and love are all caused by dopamine. No matter if it's a man or a woman, they will definitely lose their heads when they're passionately in love. Once that stage is over and they calm down, they will realize that no one can't live without the other."
Hou Dongyan was only analyzing from He Jin's point of view what would benefit him, but he didn't expect that his careless words would have such a huge impact on He Jin. Yes, since the eight years of waiting, Hou Dongyan had been thinking about it.
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