136. Your Mom Is Sick
He Jin stood there without explaining anything. Papa He was so anxious that he broke free from Hou Dongyan's grip. He pointed at He Jin again and said, "What did we teach you since you were young? How did you become like this? Did you run away from home because of that person? It seems like your mom was right to teach you a lesson. I was careless. He Jin, oh He Jin, you disappoint me! "
He Jin, who had been trying to hold on, was instantly disheartened. He opened his mouth and said, "Dad, I thought you would understand me better than Mom …"
Papa He roared, "You went out to live with a man! How do you expect me to understand you? "
He Jin clenched his fists like a cornered beast. If he didn't explode, he would die. "Dad, have you ever understood me? Ever since I was young … "He choked with sobs." Have you and Mom ever asked me what I think, what I want to do, what I don't want to do, what I hate, what I like? I'm a living person with thoughts, emotions, and my own will! I'm not your puppet! I'm not a soulless object! "
Papa He did not expect He Jin to explode. He stood there in a daze.
"When I was young, I wanted to play games, but you wouldn't let me. I wanted to learn the violin, but you wouldn't let me. It's only natural that my grades were good. If my grades were bad, it must be because I wanted to fall in love. Some girls liked me and wrote me love letters. Mom made phone calls to insult others. If I didn't do what she wanted, she would criticize me, educate me, and insult me. Do you know how much I hate her? I thought that when I grew up, I would be able to choose what I wanted and what I didn't want. As long as I got into the university you wanted me to get into, I would be free one day. But you kept forcing me to live according to your wishes … "
Papa He said, "We're doing this for your own good …"
He Jin's tears flowed out of his eyes. "But I don't think it's good! I don't want to become someone I hate! "
"So you want to be with a man?" Papa He shook his head helplessly. "He Jin, this isn't right. Even if you don't understand your mother's actions, you can't use your own life to spite us!"
He Jin waved his hands and cried, "Dad! Why don't you understand? I'm not being with him because I'm angry! I like him and I want to! I want to be with him! "
Anger engulfed his mind, and the restless resistance factor in his body reached its peak activity at this moment. He Jin could not calm down, nor did he want to calm down.
Papa He was so angry that he couldn't speak. He raised his trembling hand as if he wanted to hit him again. Once again, Hou Dongyan pulled him back and repeatedly called him "Uncle".
Papa He's face turned green and white. He took a step back and sat on He Jin's bed. His face was ashen as he mumbled to himself, "No, how can this be? Why is it the same …"
Hou Dongyan, who had been standing by the side and listening, did not get a word in. He thought that Papa He's mumbling was muddled from anger, so he hurriedly tried to calm him down. "Uncle, calm down first. He Jin was just being impulsive, that's why he talked back to you. He's very outstanding in school, his grades are also very good, and he was even recommended for postgraduate studies last semester. Erm, about what the counselor said, I think it's alright. Society is a lot more open now, and everyone is quite accepting of it … Furthermore, which young person hasn't been in a relationship a few times? He Jin was even with a very pretty girl from the student union when he was a freshman. If you think he's not up to it now, they might break up in the future …" Hou Dongyan said as he winked at He Jin, indicating that he had to appease his father first.
Unexpectedly, He Jin's father suddenly patted Hou Dongyan's hand and said in a low voice, "Xiao Hou, please go out for a while. I want to talk to He Jin alone."
Hou Dongyan was shocked. Was He Jin's father going to use force on him?
He was worried about He Jin, so he stood there and asked for He Jin's opinion. He Jin nodded to indicate that it was fine, so Hou Dongyan went out. When he opened the door, he saw Big Head and Seventh Brother squatting at the door, eavesdropping. They must have heard the commotion and came over. Hou Dongyan waved his paws awkwardly to chase them away.
Big Head was dumbfounded. "Damn, is it true that Brother Jin and Qin Yang are together?"
Seventh Brother: "That's right. I thought it was just a rumor!"
Hou Dongyan sighed. "But I think it's just for fun. Brother Jin knows his limits. I don't think he would joke around with his life."
Seventh Brother looked at Big Head. "I didn't expect Brother Jin to be so strict. Did he hear that? What kind of person is his mother? When a girl confessed to him when he was young, he insulted her. She must be crazy!"
Big Head: "Uh, actually, my mother is the same. She has to control everything. The difference is … no girl ever confessed to me when I was young."
Everyone: "…"
In the dormitory, the father and son were still in a stalemate. It was like a silent wrestling match. He Jin wasn't afraid. He was still clenching his fists. He didn't know how many times he had been impulsive and rebellious in his life. He also didn't know if he would have the courage to pour out the wishes buried deep in his heart the next time. Not for Qin Yang, but for himself. Even if he couldn't be with Qin Yang in the future, this was a necessary step for him to fight for his freedom.
Finally, Father He compromised, but he had a condition. "He Jin, come back with me this weekend. Apologize to your mother and make up for it. Then, cut off all contact with that boy. I'll pretend this never happened and won't tell your mother. Your mother doesn't know about this yet. If she does, she'll definitely come and make a scene herself … If you have any thoughts in the future, you can tell me. I can't guarantee that your mother will understand, but I'll try my best to consider your opinion."
After listening to this, He Jin didn't calm down. Instead, he was like an angry hedgehog. He said sharply, "Why do I have to apologize to her? She's narrow-minded and dictatorial. She smashes things and scolds people at the slightest disagreement. She says it's for my own good, but in the blink of an eye, she threatens to cut off my living expenses. I haven't made a single call in the past six months. What about you guys? Have you asked if I'm dead or alive? I'm not asking for money from you. I can survive on my own without her money … "
The more He Jin spoke, the more he felt that he was in the right. His father wanted him to cut off all contact with Qin Yang. He Jin only felt that it was ridiculous. Why? Without them, he could live well on his own now, so why should he accommodate their ideas?
As he spoke, Father He suddenly raised his head and looked at He Jin. His bloodshot eyes were no longer filled with despair and blame. Instead, they were filled with a complex and deep emotion that He Jin couldn't understand. "He Jin, your mother is sick …" The man seemed to have endured for a long time. He said slowly with difficulty, "She's suffering from severe depression. She's suicidal."
He Jin paused. What was severe depression? Was she mentally ill?
Father He was silent for a moment. As if he had made up his mind, he said again, "Do you remember that you had a brother?"
He Jin: "Yeah …"
Father He: "When you were young, we told you that your brother passed away because of an illness. Do you still remember?"
He Jin was a little confused. Why did Father suddenly mention his deceased brother?
"Your brother, He Lin …" Father He choked for a moment. He raised his hand to wipe the corners of his eyes and said, "He didn't pass away because of an illness. He committed suicide."
He Jin's face turned pale. "Why?"
Father He: "He was very playful. He was much more mischievous than you. He didn't listen to anyone when he was young. Your mother and I spoiled him. When he was in high school, he often went to the internet cafe behind our backs. He met some scoundrels online and got together with one of them."
He Jin couldn't believe it. "My brother … was also gay?"
Father He lowered his eyes and didn't answer the question. He continued, "We scolded him, but he didn't listen. He simply didn't come home every two to three days. You were only four and a half years old at the time and needed someone to take care of you. Your mother and I had to work during the day and didn't have the time to take care of him … Half a year later, he suddenly stopped going out. However, he quickly lost weight and didn't eat or sleep. Not long after, he left behind a suicide note and took a whole bottle of sleeping pills."
He Jin staggered. His eyes widened and he asked in confusion, "Why did he commit suicide?"
Father He: "In his suicide note, he said that he had sex with the boy. After that, he found out that the boy had AIDS. He suspected that he had the disease too and didn't dare tell us. He endured it for a month and was so scared that he couldn't take it anymore …"
He Jin was completely at a loss after listening to the past.
Father He: "From then on, your mother changed. She strictly disciplined you and didn't want you to go online. She especially didn't like you making friends online and was even more against you dating while you were still in school … He Jin, do you really not understand why I always went along with your mother? Because I know how painful it was for her to encounter her eldest son. She didn't want to lose you because of the same thing, so she treated you this way. But I didn't expect you to hate her so much. "
He Jin's entire body was devoid of energy. He was like a defeated rooster or a deflated ball. Whatever he said seemed weak and powerless.
Father He: "In the past, I didn't know it was an illness and didn't pay attention to it. Until you ran away from home, she became more and more abnormal. Every day at home, she would ramble on and on and on and on. Some time ago, I took her to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression. Including her scolding you, smashing things, and sometimes acting crazy, it's all because of depression."
The rebellious genes in He Jin's body were completely frozen. He Jin felt as if there was a large iron plate hanging around his neck. Every word his father said was like a powerful crime that was engraved on that plate. He Jin could not breathe and could not lift his head.
He Jin asked anxiously, "How is she now?"
At that moment, he suddenly realized that in the face of death and illness, and in the face of the heavy responsibility of being a son, all personal emotions became insignificant. That woman was his biological mother. No matter how unreasonable and unreasonable she was, her son had to forgive her now that she was sick.
Father He: "This illness can't be cured even in the hospital. The doctor prescribed some medicine. She's at home now. I asked your aunt to accompany her … She still doesn't know that I came to City A to look for you."
He Jin loosened his fists and said,
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