Shen Huai stared at his phone for a full ten minutes,
Then he raised his head and drank the last mouthful of wine in the bottle,
The alcohol made his limbs weak, and his heart softened a little. He almost wanted to make a phone call,
To ask Ren Xuanyu what he had figured out.
Thinking about it carefully, he hadn't given Ren Xuanyu much during this period of time, compared to what Ren Xuanyu had given him.
Shen Huai had his first experience when he was in his teens,
It wasn't from a girlfriend like other students,
It was a girl who was shoved next to him at a chaotic party,
The two of them were locked into a room amidst the uproar and shoving of someone,
At that time, Shen Huai didn't know anything, but he knew that if he left this room safely,
He would definitely be laughed at for a period of time,
Before he could think of how to speak,
He was pushed onto the bed by the girl. Speaking of which, he was the one who half-heartedly complied.
After that, Shen Huai played with the girl a few times, but he really couldn't say that he liked her, so they didn't contact each other anymore. After that, he realized the way, and there were too many people who were willing to have sex with him. After all, he was good-looking and generous,
If he didn't pick the one he liked,
He would be taken advantage of. Shen Huai's parents didn't care much about him,
Although Shen Ke did care, he also had a problem with his ideas. He only told him not to leave any hidden dangers, and to bring his own condoms. Later, he was urged by Qin Shuo to have sex with a senior who wanted to get a place. It was also because of the absurd idea that "men can't get pregnant" that he pushed him in the end. His puberty was not throbbing and pure. It was full of sparks of hormones. When he finally became sensible, the people who came to him were still those who had something to ask of him. They were even more complicated and dirty. Shen Huai knew himself well. He only flirted with female students. He didn't want to touch clean people.
It was Ren Xuanyu who made him fall in love. He wouldn't always be the ignorant teenager who was stuffed into a room and rolled around with others in a daze. It would be quite shameless to say that he was forced to be a playboy, but no one had ever told him that indulgence was useless and that he should try love.
He didn't know what love was. Later on, he vaguely knew it, but it was just a vague feeling. Until Ren Xuanyu told him, "Don't get engaged. Let's be together."
It was so beautiful. Every time he thought about it, he felt that it was too beautiful for him to have.
It took Ren Xuanyu a month to figure it out. His "I love you" a month ago was definitely different from today's "I love you", but Shen Huai had figured it out a month ago.
Since the beginning, he had been courteous and courteous. Even if his heart had been moved halfway, he didn't want it anymore.
He didn't dare to take it anymore.
***
The nurse put down the intercom, walked to Ren Xuanyu, and told him that he could go in. Ren Xuanyu installed the phone screen and smiled at the nurse. The nurse showed a flattered expression, and her ears slowly turned red.
This was a counseling room. On the first day that Ren Xuanyu came here, he experienced a rare nervousness that he hadn't felt for many years. It was like his first audition. The comfortable chair opposite the psychiatrist made him adjust his sitting position several times.
Ren Xuanyu was desperate. He turned to Rong Yu for advice, and Rong Yu was finally reliable for once, recommending him to find a real doctor.
"You are not worried about coming out of the closet, nor are you worried about your parents, and you are all f * cking rich couples who don't know the sufferings of the world. What's wrong with you? You must have a psychological problem."
Rong Yu hit the nail on the head. He even introduced him to a counseling room that had received many public figures. There was indeed experience here. For example, the nurse treated Ren Xuanyu the same way she treated other patients, although Ren Xuanyu could still see that she recognized him.
However, this was not what Ren Xuanyu was worried about.
During his third consultation here, the psychiatrist mentioned a term, "Performative Personality Disorder." It was a psychological disorder that was based on low self-esteem and a desire for attention. However, patients were more likely to be exaggerated and dramatic, and more or less accompanied by a narcissistic personality.
"I don't think you should be classified here." At that time, after the psychiatrist explained Performative Personality Disorder to him, he immediately added, "I don't think you should be classified in any case. Diagnosis is a necessary part of all medical practices, but in the field of psychology, there are too many unknowns and full of room for change. Therefore, it is better to call it an assessment than a diagnosis. "
"Then what is your assessment of me?" Ren Xuanyu put on a look of listening attentively and asked lightly. From the first day he walked in here, he was used to being so polite. It seemed that he was easier to communicate with than many silent consultants. However, the psychiatrist could still feel the appropriate sarcasm in his words, and Ren Xuanyu deliberately let him feel it.
The psychiatrist suppressed his displeasure and very seriously said the familiar and annoying words, "You don't have a personality disorder. You just need to accept yourself."
Ren Xuanyu frowned slightly.
"It is human nature to desire attention and to maintain a long-term relationship. Some people use money, some use power, and some use their bodies. However, relationships are very complicated. At every stage, there will be different weights needed. The novelty, the sense of security, the drop of hormone levels, and the diversion of attention will all affect the relationship. Therefore, we always encourage the consultant to walk out of a relationship, walk out of a difficult situation, and face the future positively. Compared to repair, the cost of giving up is lower."
These words were too calculative and even a bit pessimistic. Ren Xuanyu did not think that this was what a psychologist should say.
"You want to persuade me to give up?"
"No. For other people, there are more things in their lives that I can use to motivate them, such as family, friends, dreams, responsibilities, and so on. However, I have tried. The only things that can motivate you are your lover and your job. Due to your personality, both of them are now under threat. You have no reason to give up."
At this time, a real crack appeared on Ren Xuanyu's face.
"You should accept yourself and let him accept you."
Ren Xuanyu lowered his eyes.
"If he can accept me, why would I come to you?"
"Psychologists are not sculptors, and people are not sculptures that can easily change their shape. Usually, people can only be diagnosed with a personality disorder after the age of eighteen. In other words, after the age of eighteen, the personality has already taken shape, and everything can be concluded. If it was someone else, I would not say this, but you can accept it. Change is never easy. My consulting room helps those who want to change, but in fact, it is just to help them find a way to accept themselves. "
Ren Xuanyu did not reply. He wanted to get up and leave, but he felt tired.
"Go out, I want to be alone."
The psychologist was speechless.
The psychologist could only get up. When he opened the door and was about to leave, Ren Xuanyu grabbed his hair angrily and turned back to ask.
"You said that I have to accept myself, but I want to change. That is to improve my acting skills so that he can no longer see that I am acting?"
The psychologist was speechless.
"Or … I can't even find out that I am acting."
"No, no, this kind of operation …"
"Come back, sit down."
The psychologist had a toothache on his face.
After this day, Ren Xuanyu was no longer nervous when he came here. He was never worried about whether the fact that he needed counseling would be leaked, but he was worried that he would face 'he will not forgive you for not being true'. He did not dare to show his dull and boring true face to Shen Huai. More importantly, he could not do it anymore.
He did not know why he could not do it for the time being, just like how he could not concentrate on acting and return to his previous level.
Shen Huai was his antidote. The most important thing now was to find Shen Huai.
And the psychologist told him that he had to accept himself.
Ren Xuanyu thought of the work he was most familiar with. No matter what the script was, as long as the story revolved around people, then the core of the story was the growth of the characters. If maintaining emotional relationships with others was a difficulty that everyone had to encounter, if some people could use money and power to maintain emotional relationships, then Ren Xuanyu, who had nothing, could only use the weapon he was most familiar with.
A lie would not become a bubble when it was punctured. Only when you admitted that it was a lie would it become nothingness. But Ren Xuanyu would never admit that the relationship between him and Shen Huai was a bubble.
He had to act until the end.
After the last counseling session, Ren Xuanyu walked out of the consulting room and said goodbye to the doctor. Then, as if he suddenly had an idea, he walked to the nurse who always peeked at him.
"Can I take a photo with you? Thank you for taking care of me during this time. "
The nurse blushed and looked at Ren Xuanyu in surprise, but the latter just smiled kindly and gently.
***
Lin Yuan took a step forward. Shen Huai packed up and was ready to follow him. Lin Yuan had never been underestimated, so he had to be in charge of this battle in person.
Before leaving, in the car, Cheng Pei was playing with his phone when he saw a certain Weibo post. His expression changed, and he glanced at Shen Huai in the back seat. Seeing that Shen Huai was resting with his eyes closed, he was relieved.
"Boss, there is a problem with the ticket payment. Give me your phone, and I will accept the verification code."
Shen Huai closed his eyes and handed over the phone. Cheng Pei took it and decided not to give it to him before boarding the plane. Otherwise, Shen Huai might also see the message. But in the waiting room, Shen Huai answered a call. Cheng Pei could not do it for him. Coincidentally, as soon as he hung up the phone, before Cheng Pei could find an excuse to ask for the phone, Shen Huai received a news notification.
He saw Ren Xuanyu's name on the title. In the end, he could not help but click on it.
The news was not groundless. There were some photos of Ren Xuanyu covering his eyes on the set, looking haggard and smoking. Then, the article said that in order to integrate into the new role, Ren Xuanyu's psychological defense had collapsed and he had visited the counseling room several times.
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