Ever since Xu Yao could remember, he had lived with his sister.
In the second year of his birth, his father fell to his death from the dam when he was digging a reservoir in town. Due to the background of the era, the matter was settled after paying a few food stamps as a token payment.
His mother died when he was four years old.
At the end of the 1970s, the thirteen-year-old girl and her five-year-old brother struggled to make a living.
From the age of thirteen, his sister had to work in the fields with the adults in town. She would send her brother to her uncle's house next door.
After their parents passed away, the few relatives were not willing to help take care of the two burdens. Xu Ru did not blame them. After all, it was not easy for any family. It was a terrible thing to have more mouths to feed.
Only her uncle's family would occasionally help them.
Actually, even though he was called a granduncle, it was only because they were related by blood many generations ago.
Going back a few generations, most of the people with the surname Xu in the Xu Clan could be considered relatives.
Her uncle had a son and a daughter. The daughter was called Xu Lan and the son was called Xu Guang.
Xu Lan and Xu Ru were about the same age, only two years apart. The two were very good playmates.
However, fate made the two girls walk on different paths. The eleven-year-old Xu Lan was still in primary school, while the thirteen-year-old Xu Ru was already chopping firewood in the mountains and farming in the fields.
In a poor and backward town, there were many girls like her who worked in the fields. However, there were no girls like her who lived a hard life.
The next year, Xu Ru's body was very weak and she fell seriously ill. She almost did not make it.
Some relatives who were indifferent to the siblings couldn't stand it anymore and persuaded Xu Ru to give her brother away. Boys were popular in any era. There would always be someone who wanted them.
If they were alone, no matter how hard it was, they could live a peaceful life.
However, Xu Ru did not agree and scolded the relatives away. She said that she would not send her brother away even if she died. Otherwise, how could she face her parents in the underworld?
It was said that the eldest sister was like a mother. It was not wrong at all.
In this poor era, the siblings depended on each other.
Knowledge could change fate and create wealth.
Studying was the only way out.
Xu Ru dropped out of primary school after finishing primary school. It was normal in that era.
His younger brother, Xu Yao, was a good student and was very smart. In the three tile-roofed primary school in the town, no one could beat him.
Therefore, she hoped that her younger brother would have a bright future and be able to change his fate. The greatest desire of a poor person was to change his fate.
When Xu Yao was thirteen years old, he didn't have enough money to go to junior high school. It was Xu Ru who borrowed money from the townspeople.
That day, it was drizzling. Xu Ru was kneeling in front of her cousin's house. The door was tightly shut. No matter how hard she begged, she couldn't get the tuition fees.
She kowtowed, one after another. At that time, Xu Yao stood beside her and saw that his sister's trousers were stained with rain and mud. He straightened his neck and said, "Sister, I don't want to study anymore. At most, I'll just farm."
Too tired, really too tired.
He didn't want to be his sister's burden and didn't want to continue studying. At that time, the college entrance examination system had just been restored, and the theory that studying was useless was popular everywhere.
The dreadful theory of the uselessness of studying had been circulating for half a century.
Xu Yao didn't want to waste time in class. He wanted to be like Xu Guang, slacking off. However, Xu Guang skipped class to go out and play, while he wanted to help his sister farm.
However, Xu Ru slapped her brother and said sternly, "What future do you have if you don't study? How can you change your fate if you don't study? If you don't study, you'll be a peasant for the rest of your life."
People with a bit of knowledge and culture had seen many peasants rise up and spread the word that studying was useless.
It was ironic that an uneducated person would always remember that studying could change one's fate.
"That … How much do you still owe Ah Rong's school fees?"
A gentle voice came from the rain. Xu Lan was holding an umbrella and standing not far away.
"I only have one dollar and fifty cents here. The fifty cents is from my savings and the one dollar is from Ah Guang." Xu Lan said, "Any more and I really don't have it."
Xu Yao went to the best junior high school in the county. The tuition and miscellaneous fees added up to eight dollars.
Xu Yao could imagine Xu Guang's aggrieved and resentful face when his sister took away his savings.
Xu Yao did not take the money. Instead, he stared at Xu Lan and said, "Little Lan, when are you leaving?"
Xu Lan walked closer. She held the umbrella with her right hand and knocked Xu Yao's head with her left hand. She said angrily, "Call me Sister Lan, you little brat."
"I'm leaving tomorrow. My dad has been transferred to Shanghai. There's a house there. We'll go together." She said.
Xu Lan, who had just grown up, was delicate and beautiful. Her figure was slender and graceful, and her pair of black eyes were especially eye-catching.
Xu Yao said sadly, "He's not back yet?"
"I don't know." Xu Lan smiled. "Shanghai is too far away from Xu Town. I don't know how many years it will take for him to come back."
He was shorter than Xu Lan by a head. When he looked away from her delicate face, he only felt empty in his heart.
The young Xu Yao had always liked Xu Lan, who was much older than him. He liked to pretend to be deep in front of her and recite a few poems. His face was full of melancholy and vicissitudes of life like a poet. In fact, he was peeking at her reaction from the corner of his eyes, hoping to see admiration and admiration on her face.
He pretended to be an adult and learned from his sister to call her Little Lan. He wanted to ignore the age gap between them. He wanted to tell himself that it was nothing.
"I long to meet a girl who is as beautiful as a lilac, full of sorrow and resentment. She holds an oil-paper umbrella alone, wandering in the lonely alley in the rain …"
Dai Wangshu's poem appeared in Xu Yao's mind.
Xu Lan was the girl he longed for, the girl who was as beautiful as a lilac.
But just like the lilac in the poem, she walked further and further away until all that was left was her back.
On the day Xu Lan left, Xu Yao stood outside Xu Town and watched her family take a tricycle to the county. He suddenly felt like smoking.
After many years, they didn't meet or contact each other. When they met again, the lilac was already married.
.....
Xu Yao squatted in front of his sister's grave and smoked one cigarette after another. He talked about his past without any expression on his face. There was no emotion on his face. There was only regret, deep regret.
Qin Ze thought to himself, "Damn, I didn't know you loved my mother so much."
"If my mother is lilac, then what are my sister and I?"
"If my sister is a rose and I'm a green foxtail?"
Uncle heard that someone coveted his sister, but he was still calm. Obviously, he already knew about it.
"Uncle sure has a big heart. If anyone dares to covet my sister, I'll teach them a lesson."
"What happened after that?" Qin Ze asked.
"After that, my sister knelt in front of my aunt's house for an entire night and managed to scrape together the rest of the money. "Then, she fell seriously ill. As for me, I went to school as I wished. "As my grades got better and better, I got into high school. My school fees became even more expensive. My sister thought that if she continued farming, she wouldn't be able to afford my education. "She took me away from Xu Town and went to the county to work. She swept the floor, washed the dishes, and did the laundry. She did everything. "Until my third year in high school, she suddenly got pregnant and gave birth to you."
"I was born out of nowhere?"
Qin Ze asked, "Who did she come into contact with? What did she encounter?"
Xu Yao smiled bitterly. "How would I know? I only knew how to study. She only wanted me to study. "For so many years, she didn't get married. She didn't even have a partner. She raised me by farming and working. She had always been willing to sacrifice for me. She always wanted me to be successful. "How could such a person suddenly get pregnant?"
"Be more specific." Qin Ze frowned.
He had a lot of questions in his heart. It was impossible for a woman to fall in love and have a child without any signs, unless she was raped.
"If that was the case, Auntie Xu didn't have to hide it. Even if it was shameful because of the age, at least she wouldn't hide it from her only brother.
"Also, why was I given away?"
"Well, considering the social background at that time, it's understandable for an illegitimate child to be given away."
"The old man wrote in his diary that in order to give birth to me, my mother fled back to Xu Town to avoid the evil hands of the Family Planning Department."
"Where did that" me "go?"
"There's no need to doubt the authenticity of that" me ". He must exist. Otherwise, the old man wouldn't have written it in his diary."
Xu Yao's attitude towards him was also very strange. The self-blame, remorse, and guilt he showed were far beyond what an uncle should have.
"He's not my uncle. Those who don't know him would think that he's my father."
"This can't be explained clearly. Even if Xu Yao and Auntie Xu relied on each other and had a deep relationship, at most he would hate that man. Maybe he would hate me too."
"There's one last question. Why did my mother stop him from seeing me? Was it because she didn't want to be disturbed in her quiet life?"
"I'm not a child. I'm a thinking and rational adult. I won't break down easily because of this."
"I might even happily hold my sister's hand and walk into the Civil Affairs Bureau."
There were too many things that Xu Yao didn't say.
Xu Yao lit a cigarette and looked at his sister's tombstone. "Actually, I have an idea in my heart. I have been thinking about it for so many years. I have always felt that I should have seen that man before. It was in the nineties."
"That year …"
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