[Brother Song Yu, seeing words is like seeing a face. I recently heard this traditional Chinese romantic phrase from my father. It feels very strange. Every time I receive your letter, I have this illusion, as if I have seen you many times. Waiting is really not an easy thing. You probably won't believe it. Because I didn't receive your letter last month, I even bought a plane ticket to China. But I woke up again in the taxi. Because you said that you hoped that the first time we met after we grew up would be when you came to see me.
I heard from my father that you will come in the summer. I can take you to the ranch to see the newborn lambs. My little garden will have a lot of flowers by then. There are also white cliffs and coastlines. We can ride to see them.
I really hope that it will be summer when I wake up tomorrow.]
In the summer of his 18th birthday, Song Yu and his parents took a flight to London. It was an 11.5-hour flight. When they arrived, it was already 19 o 'clock at night. However, in this high-latitude country, the days were exceptionally long. The night had not yet set, and the streets were still bustling.
Yue Yi and Olivia had specially come to pick up the family of three. Although they had not seen each other for a few years, Song Yu felt that they had not changed much. Yue Yi was still talking and laughing.
"Yu, you grow really fast. The last time I came back to China to see you alone, you didn't seem to be this tall."
Song Jin laughed and said, "It's the time for growth. Your family has half European and American genes. I'm afraid he'll grow even faster."
Olivia could already understand most of the Chinese, but she said no in accented English.
Yue Yi also waved his hand. "My little guy doesn't grow as fast as your son. He's at least …" He estimated. "Half a head." After that, he said in a tone that said, "Le Zhishi is on vacation early. He packed a lot of things and went to the holiday cabin. After all, it's more comfortable than the apartment and the house. He likes the garden. Originally, he was asked to come and pick you up today, but he was called by the owner of the nearby ranch to help take care of the lambs. "
He shrugged. "You know, he can't walk when he sees small animals."
Song Jin and Lin Rong both laughed and talked about interesting stories about him chasing squirrels in the park when he was young. Everyone chatted and laughed as they got into the car. They changed the topic naturally, as if they were good friends who got along with each other every day.
In the car, the only one who felt regretful was Song Yu.
After all, the guy who had written in the letter, "When you come, I will personally come to pick you up" didn't come.
His brother, with whom he exchanged letters every month, was in fact no more important than a little lamb.
Song Yu leaned back in his chair and looked at the bustling city outside the window. He comforted himself in his heart. Maybe it's just a flock of lambs.
The last time he met Le Zhishi was a very long time ago. At that time, Le Zhishi was only about three or four years old. Later, Yue Yi and his wife wanted to bring him back to China to play many times for various reasons. Most of them were because of Yue Yi's work. The one that left a deep impression on Song Yu was when he was eleven years old. He was looking forward to their arrival, but in the end, Le Zhishi suddenly had an allergic reaction and had an asthma attack, so they couldn't get on the plane.
Very different from the efficient and fast way of making friends in modern times, the relationship between Le Zhishi and Song Yu was maintained through handwritten letters. This idea came from the romantic Yue Yi. He thought that mobile phones and chat software were the worst inventions in the world. They skipped the process of thinking and waiting, and threw everything at each other. It was even less warm than a phone call.
Writing letters was good, he said. When you wrote a letter, you would think and consciously choose your words carefully for your greetings. Because you couldn't touch sounds or images, you would knead all your emotions into the paper and words, and the emotions would ferment in the waiting.
On the other hand, he thought that even though Le Zhishi grew up in England, he still needed to master the ability to write Chinese. There was no better person to be his training partner than an older brother who was far away in his homeland.
They made a very strange but interesting agreement. They could only write letters to each other, and all other forms of communication were considered cheating.
So, in this way, Song Yu and Le Zhishi began to write letters when they were very young. The frequency was basically once a month. At first, Le Zhishi didn't even know how to write Chinese characters. Even with Yue Yi's guidance, he preferred to use straightforward drawings to communicate with Song Yu. The first time he received a written letter from Le Zhishi was when he was ten years old.
[Gege Song Yu, your name is so difficult to write.]
It was only one sentence, 13 words, but Song Yu read it over and over again for a long time and thought it was very cute.
Later, Le Zhishi began to become more and more proficient in writing Chinese. He would even quote some sentences from books he had read, like a little peacock showing off his Chinese. Slowly, he began to tell Song Yu about the big and small problems he faced growing up, the confusion and confusion of adolescence. He poured out all of it to Song Yu without holding back.
Perhaps because they were so far apart, it created a sense of security and beauty. This kind of long-distance, secret communication between the two of them allowed them to accompany each other as they grew up, but at the same time, they were endlessly curious about each other.
"It's a little late now. You'll be very tired from the jet lag, so we won't drive there." Yue Yi drove them back to their house in the suburbs of London and arranged for them to rest. It was a very warm and beautiful two-story apartment in a townhouse. Olivia arranged for Song Yu to stay in Le Zhishi's room.
She opened the door. In order to show Song Yu the furnishings in English, she prepared toiletries for him. "He's a little childish, so there are a lot of things in the room. Please don't mind."
There were many books in the room. There was a picture book of plants spread out on the carpet. On the drawing board was a half-completed oil painting. There were also many plants, decorations, and Lego. It was full, but it looked full of life.
Song Yu said calmly, "I should ask him not to mind that I'm staying here for a night."
"He won't mind. This was even his suggestion because he thought the guest room was too small. " A smile appeared on Olivia's face. "But he said that you are a neat freak. He asked me to clean up the room before you came, but I finished work too late and didn't have time." As she spoke, she opened the wardrobe. "Yu, go downstairs and eat something first."
Song Yu stood by the bed and lowered his head slightly. His gaze swept across the light blue bed that looked very clean and soft.
"Don't bother," he said to Olivia, who was about to get busy.
He thought that jet lag would be torturous, but Le Zhishi's bed seemed to have a magic power that could make people fall asleep quickly. Song Yu lay down and looked at the six small pots of plants on his windowsill, as well as his unfinished painting. He smelled the faint fragrance of plant roots, cream, and wood in the fluffy bedding, and fell into a deep sleep.
There was always a subtle sense of offense in sleeping in his bed before seeing him in person. This thought came to Song Yu when he was folding his quilt the next day.
As soon as he turned around, he saw Le Zhishi's desk with a lot of post-it stickers. His English handwriting reminded people of his Chinese handwriting. It was a kind of common slender feeling, but Song Yu didn't look at it carefully and felt that it was inappropriate. Even though this unsuspecting guy had already given him the right to use the entire room.
After breakfast, they drove to the resort. It was a village an hour's drive away from London. It was located in the south of England, near a seaside town. Compared to London's unpredictable weather, Yue Yi said that it had the best sunshine in England.
When they were about to arrive, Olivia made a call. Song Yu seemed to be looking out the car window casually, but the subtle sound from the phone caused some kind of magnetic interference to him.
He seemed to hear Le Zhishi's voice, but it was distorted and unclear.
He heard Olivia call him by his English name, Joey, and call him sweetheart, but he couldn't hear what Le Zhishi said on the other end of the line. This made Song Yu a little irritated for no reason. The summer in the temperate oceanic climate wasn't so hot, and the moist summer wind that passed through the car window brushed against his face. It felt soft, very much like Le Zhishi's style of writing letters.
[Brother Song Yu, I heard that it's been raining for a long time over there. Coincidentally, it's the same in London. It suddenly rained yesterday evening, and I was completely soaked. I was originally in a bad mood, but when I suddenly thought that you might be in the rain at this moment, a very sweet feeling arose. I feel that you and I are actually very close.
As always, I hope you can come a little earlier. I'll wait for you here.]
The car drove into the small town. There were large patches of green broad-leaved trees, and honey-colored and dark gray country cottages scattered on the short carpet-like green lawn.
"We're here." Yue Yi parked the car in front of a three-story resort. They got out of the car and went to the trunk to get their luggage. Song Yu carried a black suitcase and followed Olivia into the house. There were white roses and nameless short trees in the front yard, and a tea table and a few rocking chairs on the lawn. The door of the house was open, and the decoration in the living room was warm. There was an opened bottle of sunscreen on the table, a light blue baseball cap, and an opened carton of iced milk. A red cotton short-sleeved shirt was draped over the back of a chair.
"He must be in the backyard." Olivia's tone was certain.
There was the sound of water in the backyard, and Song Yu heard it. He felt as if the wooden floor under his feet had turned into driftwood in the bay, and his senses became sensitive.
The moment he stepped out of the door, the sunlight fell on Song Yu's face. His vision was a little blurry, and everything under the bright sunlight was like an overexposed film. He squinted slightly, and the light purple hydrangea bushes appeared. Among the grass and leaves, a snow-white back was faintly discernible. There was also a column of water in the air, and a transparent arc accompanied by a faint rainbow.
"Joey!" Olivia put her hands on her hips and shouted, "You used the hose to water the flowers again!"
The water column disappeared instantly, and the sound of water stopped.
A frightened face turned around in the hydrangea bushes. Under the sunlight, the wet hair emitted a golden halo. The eyes were very big, and as transparent as gemstones.
The words were like a face.
It turned out that the more than a hundred letters he had seen were nothing compared to a glimpse of beauty.
But Le Zhishi, who had been reprimanded, quickly turned his head again. Then, Song Yu heard a drawn-out and very cute "sorry". He saw a wide gray bath towel covering his snow-white back as he came out from the other end of the bushes.
He stepped barefoot on the soft grass. His pair of white legs were wearing a pair of navy swimming trunks, and he had a bath towel draped over his body, but it still couldn't cover his fair abdomen and arms. His wet hair was tucked behind his ears, revealing a pair of eyes that looked even more innocent after being soaked in water.
"This is the brother you look forward to every day." Olivia deliberately introduced him in a teasing manner.
Le Zhishi wiped his hands a little embarrassedly, then reached out to Song Yu and shook his hand. The cold and warm body temperatures mixed and transmitted. Le Zhishi's drooping eyelashes were stained with water, and they trembled slightly.
His voice was also very pleasant, as if he had deliberately spoken in Chinese in order to be serious. He called him "Brother Song Yu" with a slight accent.
In an instant, many of Le Zhishi's handwritten letters flashed through Song Yu's mind. They were long paragraphs of intimate complaints and childish bragging. They corresponded with the person in front of him one by one, creating a kind of concrete sweetness.
The corners of Song Yu's mouth curled up slightly. In a deep voice, with a hint of teasing, he used Le Zhishi's catchphrase, "Lovely." He shook his hand and said to him, "I love to see you."
The tip of Le Zhishi's ear seemed to have been pinched by someone. It was translucent red under the sun. He let go of his hand and said that he was going to change his clothes. Then, he ran all the way into the house and took the red short-sleeved shirt on the chair.
His whole body exuded a sense of youthfulness that was full of vitality.
They met again in Song Yu's room on the third floor. He was packing his luggage when he suddenly heard a knock on the door. When he turned around, he saw Le Zhishi standing by the door. He was wearing the red shirt that made him glow and a pair of black shorts. He walked in naturally. His blow-dried hair was very fluffy and slightly wavy.
"You're different from what I imagined." Le Zhishi skipped the opening speech and directly stood in front of him, looking at him with curiosity without any scruples.
Song Yu put down the sunwear in his hand and looked at him. He calmly asked, "What's different?"
The corners of Le Zhishi's mouth suddenly curled up into a smile. His arms nervously swung twice, then he clasped them with both hands. After a sigh of relief, he sincerely said, "You're much more handsome than I imagined."
Seeing that Song Yu didn't seem to be moved by this kind of praise, Le Zhishi continued to ask, "Do a lot of people say that you're good-looking? Do a lot of girls in your school invite you to their prom to be their male partner? "
Song Yu hung up the last piece of clothing and casually said with his back to him, "There's no prom, so there's no such thing as a male partner."
Le Zhishi obviously looked relieved. "That's really fortunate."
Song Yu turned around and saw that he was already sitting on his bed. His two long, slender legs were stretched out and swaying gently as if he was very happy.
"Don't you know that I'm obsessed with cleanliness?"
Upon hearing this, Le Zhishi seemed to be shocked, and his eyes widened. But Song Yu quickly said, "I'm just kidding."
Le Zhishi looked confused. "So you're not obsessed with cleanliness."
Song Yu gave a clearer answer. "Not for you."
After he finished speaking, he walked towards the door. Le Zhishi got up quickly and followed him out. He told Song Yu that his room was just next door and tried to show him his balcony, but Song Yu didn't go in. There were only two rooms on this floor. When they went downstairs, the couple's bedroom was on the second floor. Standing on the stairs, they could hear their laughter.
For lunch, they had barbecued meat and french fries under the shade of a tree in the front yard. Le Zhishi struggled to cut a piece of beef with tendons. Lin Rong, who was sitting beside him, said that she would definitely cook Le Zhishi a delicious, authentic Chinese dish in the afternoon. He immediately put down his knife and fork and kissed Lin Rong's cheek gratefully.
Song Yu sat diagonally across from him and took a sip of gin. His eyes would occasionally fall on Le Zhishi, looking at him in high spirits.
"Did you go swimming today?" Yue Yi asked Le Zhishi.
"Yes, the water in the pool was very cold and dirty, so I came back to take a shower." Le Zhishi thought about it and defended himself.
Olivia smiled and said as she served the food, "That's not a reason for you to meet guests naked."
Le Zhishi's face turned red again. There were gin and absinthe on the table. He didn't drink a single sip, but his cheeks were adorably red. Song Yu drank it, but he didn't react. He lowered his head and carefully cut a plate of beef, precise and refined.
"Wearing swimming trunks doesn't count." Le Zhishi couldn't help but argue. "Besides, I'm wearing a towel."
"That's right, barefoot," Yue Yi added on for him.
The adults at the table laughed. Song Yu looked up and met Le Zhishi's eyes. When he realized that Le Zhishi would avoid his gaze, he looked over again after two seconds and asked hesitantly if he wanted fish.
Song Yu took a piece of grilled trout from him, thanked him, and handed him the plate of beef that he had cut.
"There's no need to exchange." Le Zhishi quickly waved his hand.
"It's not an exchange." Song Yu stood up and placed the plate in front of Le Zhishi, his tall shadow looming over him. "It was originally cut for you."
Le Zhishi was a little stunned. He whispered his thanks and stuffed a piece into his mouth. The adults joked that "it's good to have an older brother." Le Zhishi's cheeks were stuffed, and he looked at Song Yu from time to time as he chewed.
During the free time after the meal, everyone sat in the front yard and drank tea. Song Yu sat for a while and read more than ten pages of a book in the rocking chair. He was a little sleepy. So he went upstairs. When he stepped on the third floor, he heard overlapping footsteps.
Behind the door, he was like a hunter waiting for a prey that had walked into his trap. He received a panicked look.
"Are … are you going to sleep?" Le Zhishi looked at Song Yu and asked.
"Maybe." Song Yu opened the door wider, like an invitation to enter the room.
"Don't sleep." Le Zhishi naturally followed him in and even grabbed his wrist. "I knew you were coming. I've been thinking about this plan for days. I've memorized all the fun and beautiful places in England and was just waiting for you. Now you're going to sleep in such good weather. "
He added, "You don't know how rare good weather is in England."
Song Yu believed that the English liked to talk about the weather. At the same time, he found a strange trait in Le Zhishi. It was the innocence and confidence of a person who had never been hurt. He could express himself without any barriers, without any shyness or awkwardness because it was the first time they met. He was naturally close and was not afraid of being rejected.
Of course, he couldn't refuse Le Zhishi.
"Then we'll go according to your plan." Song Yu thought of his mother's nickname for him in the car, so he added, "Little tour guide."
Le Zhishi didn't understand what a tour guide meant. After asking, he was very excited. "I'll definitely be a very good tour guide."
He rode with Song Yu to the bay. There was no fine white beach here, and the coastline was filled with shining cobblestones. Small shops by the roadside sold strawberry waffles stuffed with cream. Le Zhishi couldn't eat waffles, but he turned back three times, so Song Yu said that he wanted to eat them.
"Really?" Le Zhishi was very surprised and quickly stopped the car. "I'll buy it for you."
But Song Yu only took a bite and handed it to him, saying that it was too sweet. Le Zhishi forked a big red strawberry with a fork, dipped it in cream, and stuffed it into his mouth. He said vaguely, "It's okay."
"Strawberry waffles." Song Yu pointed to the box in his hand. "You eat the strawberries, and I'll take care of the waffles."
They reached a consensus, like some kind of tacit understanding that grew up together, even though it wasn't.
Song Yu had the illusion that he was watching Le Zhishi grow up, but the lively Le Zhishi was standing in front of him, and there were many beautiful details that Song Yu didn't expect. The faint dimples at the corners of his mouth when he smiled, the way he stroked his arm as he spoke, and the sense of confidence he had when he introduced the artistic buildings in the town.
"This is one of the most open places in the UK. The LGBT community will party and tour here every summer. It's rainbow-colored and very beautiful. "
When he talked about this topic, he would tentatively observe Song Yu's expression.
"Is it?" Song Yu said lightly. "Sounds good."
The sea was in front of them. They walked on the cobblestones with their shoes on, and the beach was full of men and women in bikinis and swimming trunks. Le Zhishi took Song Yu to the sea and suggested that he take off his shoes to feel it. Song Yu did. They held their shoes, and the salty sea breeze rolled up their clothes. The tide surged up and touched their insteps and ankles.
"It's so cold." Le Zhishi smiled like a child, and then he moved closer to Song Yu. His round thumb rested on the edge of Song Yu's foot. There was also a difference in the size of their feet. Song Yu's skin was slightly darker, and Le Zhishi looked whiter under the water, like glowing porcelain.
Song Yu also moved closer to him, and even used half of his foot to lightly step on his white, soft instep. Le Zhishi didn't resist.
This action was more intimate than holding hands.
When Song Yu pulled back his foot, the water rippled, and Le Zhishi stepped on his foot, then looked up at him and smiled.
"Are you taking revenge?" Song Yu said.
"This is an exchange." Le Zhishi was serious. They stood side by side in the sea and the sea breeze, their arms rubbing against each other. Le Zhishi looked down, then grabbed Song Yu's wrist and raised it. It didn't seem like he wanted to hold hands with him. He was just using his thumb and index finger to measure Song Yu's wrist, but he couldn't wrap his arms around it. His fingertips pressed on Song Yu's protruding wrist bone and his fresh veins through his skin.
"I have a watch." Le Zhishi held his wrist and said, "It suits you very well."
"Yours?" Song Yu also held his very thin wrist.
"Yes, but I only wore it once. Actually …"
As he was speaking, a brown-haired white girl in a black bikini walked towards them. Her eyes were locked on Song Yu, looking at his broad shoulders and strong facial features. She stood in front of Song Yu enthusiastically and asked if he was an international student or a tourist. She asked if he wanted to have a cocktail with her at the beach bar.
Le Zhishi also looked up at this time, frowning slightly.
Song Yu refused, "I've already had a drink."
The girl keenly sensed his meaning and the boy next to him's resistance. She couldn't help but laugh, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were a couple."
Le Zhishi's frown relaxed and turned into panic. He shook his head awkwardly, but didn't want to shake it too hard.
"We …"
Song Yu didn't deny or admit it, but he grabbed Le Zhishi's wrist. The girl said that she wouldn't disturb their date and left.
"We don't have a date." After she left, Le Zhishi replied weakly.
Song Yu let go of his hand, "It's the first time we're meeting after so many years. Let's be serious and consider it a date."
Le Zhishi tried hard to understand his words and saw the faint red marks left on his wrist after he grabbed it.
"I didn't finish just now." Le Zhishi looked at Song Yu's side profile, "I bought the watch that you only wore once."
"I wanted to send you a birthday present."
They had agreed that they could only communicate through letters.
"But that's against the rules, isn't it?" Le Zhishi seemed to be talking to himself.
"I'm in front of you now." Song Yu looked at him, "I was the one who broke the rules first."
Le Zhishi's eyelashes fluttered gently, his eyes clear and confused.
Song Yu said, "Do you know that you missed a letter?"
Seeing the panic in Le Zhishi's eyes, Song Yu continued, "It was a half-written letter.
"A half-written letter. You crossed out more than half of it with your pen."
[Brother Song Yu, after my asthma attacks, I always fall into a long period of depression. Being unhealthy bothers me a lot. Every time this happens, I don't want you to come to see me. I hope that when you come, I'll be healthy and full of vitality. I hope that you'll like the real me (I get a rash when I'm sick, and I'm very ugly), not just the name on the letter. It's strange. I actually don't remember seeing you when I was young, but I miss you very much. Why would a person miss someone they've never met?
You're the only person in the world that I can talk to without reservation. My family, my friends, no one can replace you. No matter what happens, as long as I can get your letter in the mailbox, I'll feel happy. You won't believe it. I had a dream about you on the hospital bed after the attack. We met, but we didn't shake hands. You kissed my cheek and said 'I love to see you'.
That's terrible. That's not the most terrible thing. The terrible thing is that when I woke up, I felt so regretful. I hoped that the kiss would fall on my lips.
Do I like it?]
"Zhishi." For the first time, he used the title that he had thought about many times. He always wanted to write it at the beginning of the letter, but he hesitated.
Song Yu seemed to be calmly asking him the last sentence that he didn't finish writing.
"Have you fallen for me?"
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