What a marvelous phrase.
Fang Juexia was hugged by him. When he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine the scene. He could even smell the salty seawater and damp wood.
He sniffed and nestled in Pei Tingsong's shoulder, full of dependence, and asked softly, "But we haven't replaced the new parts. If we keep replacing the old ones, we might not be able to sail for hundreds of years."
"Do you want to be a human?" Pei Tingsong's voice finally carried a smile. He gently stroked Fang Juexia's back with his palm. He was obviously the younger one, but he still acted like he was coaxing a child. "Old parts are old parts. We can slowly decay together. Maybe on a calm day, we will sink to the bottom of the sea together and become two skeletons. Like a dead whale, we will slowly sink … "
Fang Juexia's nose tingled again. "I like the ending of this story."
Pei Tingsong smiled at him. "I like it too."
Maybe one day, someone would dive into the deep sea and discover their existence. They would dig up the story of how they had once braved the wind and waves side by side. They would also realize that every rotten part of their bodies actually came from each other.
Two completely different Ships of Theseus would become each other's remains and be buried in the sea forever.
Fang Juexia knew that it might be a very stupid and risky thing to choose to confess when the illusion he had just accepted was completely shattered, but he really wanted Pei Tingsong to know.
If it wasn't for Pei Tingsong, Fang Juexia couldn't imagine himself at this moment.
He would have been swallowed by darkness long ago.
"I love you." He loosened his grip and looked into Pei Tingsong's eyes. "I love you very much, Pei Tingsong."
Pei Tingsong was stunned.
This was the first time he had heard Fang Juexia say the word "love" to him so solemnly. He had always thought that their relationship was still at the level of love, especially for Fang Juexia. He had never dared to ask for too much emotion from this person. He knew that it was very difficult. Therefore, Pei Tingsong was always afraid of crossing the line, afraid that his overly strong feelings would force him to retreat.
But Fang Juexia was too brave. He even took the initiative to say those words.
In his eyes, Fang Juexia's eyes were clear. There were wounds on his face, but he looked so beautiful. The red birthmark at the corner of his eyes was more beautiful than flower petals. Pei Tingsong couldn't help but kiss her there and whisper, "I love you too. I love you more than you can imagine. "
Pei Tingsong had read countless books, and there were all kinds of love stories in those books. He had tasted them all, but those words had never turned into real feelings. Words were words, and they only lived on paper. It wasn't until he met Fang Juexia that he realized he could love someone this much.
She loved him so much that her rebellious nature would automatically turn into armor.
"Thank you." Fang Juexia took the initiative to lean forward and kiss his lips. He quickly let go, his gaze soft and magnanimous.
Pei Tingsong's eyes were also sore. In order to hide his emotions, he suddenly smiled. His face was a little childish. "You're really. I've thought about telling you I love you so many times. It should have been very romantic, but you beat me to it."
The sudden "accusation" made Fang Juexia a little confused. "Then … you didn't discuss it with me."
Discuss?
Pei Tingsong found it even more funny. How could this guy be so serious? "That's not all. I've never seen you cry before. I thought the first time you cried in front of me would be because of me." He lowered his head and bit the tip of Fang Juexia's nose. "In the end, this idea was ruined."
Thinking about how he had been crying just now, Fang Juexia was a little embarrassed. He lowered his eyes and muttered, "What's so good about crying …"
"Of course it's good." Pei Tingsong kissed his eyebrows carefully. "You look good when you cry. Everything you do is good."
Young people's love was always reckless. They eagerly held it in front of you, afraid that you would turn a blind eye to it.
Pei Tingsong frowned slightly again. "But if you really cry, I'll feel very sad. My chest will hurt. I'm not afraid of you laughing at me. I've never felt so sad before. When I received the news from the security guard that the person who followed you was your father, my hands were shaking. It was such a hot day, and I actually trembled. " Pei Tingsong took a deep breath and continued, "And why is San Francisco so far away from Beijing?"
His words were full of complaints, and his ending tone was like a child's. Fang Juexia could almost imagine how anxious this grumpy guy was at that time. He couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Pei Tingsong was still immersed in his own emotions. "I'm really afraid and tormented. I'm afraid that when I come back, you'll be in despair because of your father. I'm afraid that you'll suddenly abandon me."
Fang Juexia hugged him and stroked him from the back of his head to his back like a large dog comforting a large dog. "I won't."
"Okay," Pei Tingsong said to him, "I won't let you face it alone. I won't let him appear in front of you again. " He looked at Fang Juexia solemnly. "While you were bathing, I've already sent him to a mandatory drug rehabilitation center. To be honest, I really want to kill him and make him disappear from this world. But I know that if you were given a choice, you wouldn't do that. "
Fang Juexia looked at him silently. His eyes gave him a definite answer.
The drug rehabilitation center was the best place to go. He had already accepted the fact that his father was no longer his father, but he still wanted to give him a chance to be a human.
"Whether he can really quit depends on his luck. If he can't, he'll stay there for the rest of his life, so that he won't do anything more extreme."
After Pei Tingsong finished speaking, he placed his hand lightly on his lower back. "Does it hurt?"
Fang Juexia said it didn't hurt, but Pei Tingsong didn't seem to believe him. So he said softly, "It hurts a little, but it didn't hurt the bones. It'll be fine soon."
Even if that person had really given Fang Juexia life and had once warmed him when he was young, Pei Tingsong couldn't accept that he had hurt the person he loved the most like that.
His senses didn't seem to belong to him anymore. They seemed to have migrated from Fang Juexia's body. When Fang Juexia cried, his heart would ache. When Fang Juexia was hurt, his heart would ache even more.
"It won't happen again," Pei Tingsong gently stroked his bruises. "And don't cry anymore. My heart breaks when you cry."
Fang Juexia nodded, and the corners of his mouth lifted slightly.
"It's better to smile," he brushed Fang Juexia's hair away from his forehead. "Our Juexia looks good when he smiles too."
Fang Juexia had never felt lucky. This word had always been very far away from his life. So he kept moving forward, constantly convincing himself that there must be an exit in front of him, and that all his efforts would be reciprocated.
He didn't know if there would be reciprocation, but he met Pei Tingsong.
This was the luckiest thing that had ever happened to him.
The tip of his nose felt a little itchy. Fang Juexia rubbed Pei Tingsong's chin, and then slowly said, "It's already the 15th today. You've been gone for six days." As he spoke, he looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's not very accurate, but if we calculate according to the current time, you've been gone for six days and ten hours."
It was so long that his little clock had malfunctioned. A second in reality was as long as a minute in his heart.
But Pei Tingsong came back before the first thunderstorm of summer.
Just in time, he didn't get caught in the rain.
"Did you miss me?"
Hearing his deep voice, Fang Juexia nodded slightly. "Yes," he added. "And I've been worried about you every day."
Fang Juexia had never seen what a real capitalist family looked like. He had only seen them on TV, and they seemed to be very complicated and full of conspiracies. Fang Juexia hated complicated things. He was also afraid that his Pei Tingsong would be bullied by some old and cunning people. He was afraid that his mother would say a lot of hurtful things to him. He was also afraid that Pei Tingsong wouldn't be able to control his emotions and would be tricked by others.
These few days, his heart was broken. He couldn't do anything well, and he was sick like a seedling that lacked water.
"I'm just afraid that you'll be worried. I call you every day. Isn't it enough?"
Fang Juexia leaned into Pei Tingsong's arms obediently. "I can only feel at ease when I see you. I'm afraid that you'll lie to me and say that you're fine. In fact, you're not fine at all. You listen to your mother's nonsense and get angry with her."
He said it as if it was true, and Pei Tingsong wanted to laugh.
"Juexia."
Fang Juexia liked to hear him call him that. Although other people also called him that, Pei Tingsong rarely did so. Every time these two words came out of his mouth, Fang Juexia felt like he was being protected. Pei Tingsong's palm was dry and wide, and it felt very comfortable to caress his cheek. "When I went back this time and saw my mother, guess what my first reaction was?"
Fang Juexia shook his head. He couldn't imagine that scene. Even if he could imagine it, he wouldn't dare to say it.
"So that's what she looked like."
Fang Juexia's hand grabbed the fabric around Pei Tingsong's waist tightly.
He almost couldn't even remember what his mother looked like.
"What did she look like?" Fang Juexia asked him with his eyes closed.
"How do I put it …" Pei Tingsong tried to describe. "She was wearing a red sleeveless dress and a black pearl necklace around her neck. The pearls were very big, but they couldn't cover the lines on her neck. However, her face was flat and without any wrinkles. It was bulging and different from when I was young. She looked much uglier."
He said it very bluntly, as if he was describing a middle-aged woman he didn't know.
"When she saw me, she opened her arms and wanted to hug me. She called me Tingsong and was very affectionate, as if we were very close mother and son. But I can't remember the last time I saw her. "
Fang Juexia felt a little distressed. "When you were young, didn't you miss your mother?"
"I only miss my mother when she's around," Pei Tingsong said.
Fang Juexia chewed on this sentence in his heart. It was especially bitter.
"I remember when I was four years old, she rarely came back. It was on my grandfather's birthday. That day, she was wearing a black dress and standing beside her was a very tall man. It was one of her boyfriends. Grandpa asked me to go over and say hello to her. I went over, but I didn't say anything. I just looked up at her. "
Just listening to him, Fang Juexia already had an image in his mind. Such a young child. Just thinking about it made him feel that he was very obedient and pitiful.
"Her boyfriend was French. He spoke with a very strong accent." Pei Tingsong could still imitate his awkward accent. "Who was this little guy?"
"'Oh, this is my nephew,' my mother said." Pei Tingsong smiled. "So at that time, I said hello to the man in French and then went back to my grandfather's place."
Fang Juexia couldn't imagine a mother who couldn't even acknowledge her own child. He was suddenly very angry. He rarely got angry. "Why did she treat you like this? She's too much."
He emphasized the last four words. Pei Tingsong felt that it was a little cute. He raised his hand and rubbed his furrowed brows.
Feeling that Fang Juexia's face was a little cold, Pei Tingsong raised the temperature by two degrees and held his hand. "She explained later in front of my grandfather. She said that she loved this man very much, but he didn't like children. In order not to cause trouble, she said that. "
To her, this was just a harmless little lie.
"Thinking about it this way, she hasn't changed."
To her, he would always be a tool that could be used to please others.
Fang Juexia raised his head and gently kissed him on the chin to comfort him. Pei Tingsong was actually not that sad. The memory had long since become indifferent.
"You don't know. When she saw me, she said that she missed me. I told her to stop acting. I said that I knew that you just wanted to take away the inheritance that my grandfather left me. She said that you misunderstood. He just wanted to republish it. He won't really take away your things. Mom still loves you. "
He imitated his mother's tone. His expression was affectionate, and his mouth was also saying affectionate words. Then, slowly, Pei Tingsong's expression became cold and gradually calmed down.
"You see, in order to achieve her goal, she can tell a big lie." Pei Tingsong smiled. "People are people. Parents' titles don't make them great. In fact, it even tarnishes the title."
Fang Juexia didn't want to see him sad, so he stroked his back. He didn't know what to say. It seemed that anything he said would be powerless. Pei Tingsong had never felt any fatherly or maternal love. These things were not difficult for ordinary children to obtain, but he had never had a moment of them.
He thought that it was fortunate that Pei Tingsong didn't grow up in China. He didn't have to write essays like "My Father" or "My Mother" in every composition class, and he didn't have to read them out in public.
He even had an image in front of his eyes. Pei Tingsong's small hand was holding a blank piece of paper. There was only the title and nothing else.
What did such a young child do to accept the fact that he wasn't loved by his parents so naturally and even comforted him?
Fang Juexia couldn't help but cry again.
The sky outside the window darkened. The rain had stopped for a long time, and the gray sky was filled with a trace of red twilight. Pei Tingsong looked up and felt that the light was very similar to the birthmark on Fang Juexia's face.
He looked down at his lover again and realized that he was crying again.
"What's wrong? I'm fine, really. " Pei Tingsong kissed his birthmark and his eyes. His lips were wet with tears as he pecked his lips twice. "I'm not sad at all. That's why I went back this time just to do business. I'm an adult now, and I've settled all my inheritance. She can't take anything from me. My sister also stopped her from continuing to contact me. She even threatened her. If she continued to harass me and her, her boyfriend's publishing business would be ruined. "
"Your sister is very good to you." Fang Juexia rubbed his eyes and said, "She helps you every time. You have to be nicer to her in the future. "
Pei Tingsong laughed. "You're right. You're always right."
"You're very similar. You're both a little weird, but you're both kind people."
"You've never met her."
Fang Juexia looked up with a hint of complaint. "But I know."
"Okay, okay. You know. You know everything. "Pei Tingsong smiled helplessly, but then he heard Fang Juexia say to him.
"Pei Tingsong, you look very good when you smile too."
This was the first time Fang Juexia had praised him for his good looks. Pei Tingsong first thought that Fang Juexia was very cute and wanted to laugh. But he felt strange. Sometimes, he looked at Fang Juexia as if he was looking at a child. Fang Juexia was already so old, even older than him. But sometimes, he felt that he was also a child in Fang Juexia's eyes because he always showed him a tolerant and doting smile.
Without waiting for his response, Fang Juexia spoke again, "I love you very much. I'll give you a lot of love, more than Mom and Dad combined, okay?"
His voice was too gentle, and his words were a little childish. How could love add, subtract, multiply, and divide?
But Pei Tingsong knew that he was sincere. Fang Juexia was the person who liked to calculate the most in the world. What he calculated was definitely not wrong. It must be more than the sum of everyone's sums.
"Okay."
Fang Juexia lay in his arms and said that he still wanted to hear about his childhood. Pei Tingsong picked some happy stories, such as when he and his grandfather went fishing for rainbow trout by the lake, the fish that they caught died after being put in the swimming pool, and how he ruined his sister's birthday party and stole her first car.
Without saying much, Fang Juexia fell asleep from exhaustion. His breathing was very deep, and his chest rose and fell comfortably. But his hand was still clutching Pei Tingsong's clothes tightly.
Pei Tingsong did not continue. He just quietly looked at Fang Juexia's sleeping face.
He did not gain much, but he wanted to make it up to him.
What a strange person.
When Fang Juexia was completely asleep, Pei Tingsong got up quietly, picked up his phone, and left the room. He went to the living room and made a phone call to his previous personal bodyguard to confirm the progress of the matter. He was still worried, so he arranged for a few more people to keep an eye on him. After that, he called Cheng Qiang and told him that he had returned, but he had the flu. He also said that Fang Juexia had promised to take care of him. He might not return to the dormitory for a few days because he was afraid of infection.
Cheng Qiang also had a rare few days of rest. He did not ask much and just told him to rest well. Pei Tingsong nodded. After hanging up the phone, he took a shower and changed into clean clothes. He returned to the bed and hugged Fang Juexia, who loved cleanliness the most, to sleep.
He could finally fall asleep and even had a dream.
In the dream, he became short and small, wearing a very expensive but very uncomfortable small suit. There were people everywhere in the dream. They were dancing and eating. A sense of familiarity emerged little by little. He returned to the day of his grandfather's birthday.
Pei Tingsong tried to find where his grandfather was, but when he lifted his foot, he saw a beautiful woman calling his name, calling him baby. He was disgusted, so he ran in the other direction. He ran out of the house. The sky was dark. He ran to the garden full of yellow roses and hid behind the bushes.
This memory overlapped with his.
He remembered that he hid in the bushes alone, thinking about the difference between a nephew and a son, until the servant found him and brought him back.
There was a sound in the bushes. The little Pei Tingsong in the dream was a little alert. He wanted to know if it was the squirrel or the servant who came to find him.
But when he looked up, he saw a beautiful child. He was taller than him and wore the most ordinary clothes, but he was very good-looking. He even had a pink birthmark at the corner of his eye. He seemed to be unable to see, so he stretched his arm forward and slowly came to his side step by step.
He could not see, but he found Pei Tingsong who was hiding.
When he got closer, Pei Tingsong realized that his left leg was in a cast and he was leaning on crutches. There were also bruises on his arm.
"Are you here to wish my grandfather a happy birthday too?" Pei Tingsong asked.
The child shook his head. "I'm here to find you."
Pei Tingsong's eyes lit up. "You want to be friends with me, right?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"How old are you?" Pei Tingsong said first. "I'm four years old this year."
"Seven."
"You're older than me. I have to call you brother." Pei Tingsong said, "You're injured."
He nodded. "I didn't know that I couldn't see, so I fell. Later, the doctor said that I can't see anything when it's dark."
"Then why did you come to find me?" Xiao Pei did not understand. "Your leg is broken, and it's so dark. Why did you come to find me?"
Unexpectedly, the beautiful brother turned and smiled at him. "I wanted to come."
"I promised you that I would make it up to you."
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