More than a month had passed in the blink of an eye. The medicine that Dr. Dreamland specially made for Kanai flowed into her bloodstream almost every day in the form of an infusion.
There was no doubt that the transparent liquid of unknown composition was imperceptibly affecting her. Her flesh had gradually healed, and new nerves sprouted from the numb wounds. But at the same time, there was also an increasingly clear and endless pain.
"It hurts, right?" The Story Of Eternity, Dreamland's only doctoral student and assistant, once helped her change the sheets soaked in cold sweat and asked her this question. "If you can't stand it, I can give you some painkillers."
But Kanai shook her head. She knew that being able to feel pain was a good thing. And painkillers — she was not willing to gamble on any possibility that it would reduce the sensitivity of her already fragile newborn nerves.
So she just stubbornly remained silent, and once again sank her consciousness into the depths of the sea of books that Dreamland prepared for her.
The constant pain day and night, it was just the background music on the road ahead. Kanna Tomosuke often thought so.
…
"It's been a month, how many of these books have you read?" Finally, one day, Dreamland appeared in the magnificent palace-like library. He was still wearing the same white robe as when they first met, and his gray-blue eyes stared eagerly at Kanai's small body that was almost drowned in the sea of books.
Kanai slowly raised her head, and her gray almond eyes looked at Dreamland blankly, and for some reason, her eyes were a little red.
"This one, this one, and these one." She said in a low voice, and picked up a dozen thick books that could almost be used as murder weapons.
"…"
Dreamland didn't react until Kanai finished her actions for a while. "Hmm? That's it? That's it? "He asked in disbelief.
"Yes. That's it. "Kanai lowered her head and said in a muffled voice.
Dreamland glanced at the pile of books by Kanai's feet, then looked up at the mountain of books behind her that was almost as high as the ceiling. "You've been reading for almost a month — or is that real time — and that's all you've read? What about your future books? This speed isn't good, "he commented reproachfully.
Kanna Tomosuke didn't say anything else. She clutched the hem of her clothes uneasily, looking like a child who had done something wrong.
Seeing this, Dreamland could only temporarily put away his dissatisfaction and helplessly said, "Alright. Then I'll test you on the contents of these books. Since you've been reading these books for so long, you must have remembered them very clearly. "
"Where is the visual center of the human brain?" he began to ask.
"Occipital lobe."
"That's too general. Where is the exact point?"
"… Occipital lobe … The occipital pole of the occipital lobe."
"What is the white matter formed from?"
"Nerve myelin sheath."
"What does it do?"
"It has the function of insulation and protection, allowing the transmission of nerve electrical signals to be faster."
"Explain why your eyes can't see."
"… Because my retina is burned."
"What's the retina made of? How is it distributed?"
"… The outermost layer of the retina is the optic nerve bundle, and then …" There was a long pause. "… It's the ganglion cells … and then, and then …"
"Bipolar cells. The last layer is the photoreceptor," Dreamland answered for her. "The photoreceptor is in the last layer, and then the signal is transmitted from the last layer to the outermost layer of the optic nerve. The human blind spot is formed because of this. These are the most basic things. You're not familiar with it," he said with dissatisfaction.
"Which brain area is related to emotions in the human body?" He paused and continued to ask.
"… Emotions … Emotions … Amygdala?" A thin layer of sweat began to appear on Kanna's forehead. [Note 4]
"What will happen if the dopamine level is too high? What if it's too low?"
"Dopamine?" Kanai took a deep breath. "Too high … Parkinson's? Too low … Schizophrenia? "
"Wrong." Dreamland's face was expressionless. "You said it the other way around. Too high will cause schizophrenia-like symptoms, and too low will cause parkinson-like symptoms."
Kanai's hand trembled slightly.
"How many spikes per second does the nerve discharge maintain when it's not stimulated?"
"The exact value of the basic discharge …?" Kanai was on the verge of breaking down. "… How can I remember this!"
"Five spikes per second." The Illusionary God Realm remained unmoved. "Got it."
"What's the conduction speed of the action potential in the axon?"
"Conduction speed …?"
"0.3 m/s to 120 m/s," Dreamland replied. "These are the basics. You shouldn't not know it."
Without waiting for Kanai to refute, he immediately asked, "What are the functions of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves? What would happen if its effects were abnormally strengthened or weakened? "
"… This is too complicated!" Kanai finally gave up. "I really don't remember! I only remember that there was a table with a lot of things. Do I have to remember all these?! "
"…" Dreamland was silent for a second and frowned.
"Is it difficult to remember?" He was baffled.
This time it was Kanai's turn to be silent. "Isn't it difficult to remember?" After a while, she spoke with difficulty.
She suddenly remembered the conversation with The Story Of Eternity, the man's only student in front of her.
"Sister Xiaoqian." She still remembered that she once called out to her like this. In reality, she couldn't see this big sister's face, but she could feel infinite warmth from her soft voice. She must be very beautiful — Kanai thought so more than once. She heard The Story Of Eternity stop in her tracks, as if she was patiently waiting for her next sentence.
"Since sister is a doctoral student. You usually have to read a lot of books, right? "Kanai asked tentatively.
"Yes." The Story Of Eternity responded gently as always. "Actually, it's not so much about reading books. You should be reading papers — after all, you have to understand what kind of research others have done before you can better provide a direction for your own research. "
"Then, sister, how fast do you read books?"
"Hmm … reading speed?" The Story Of Eternity seemed to be lost in thought. After a while, she replied, "I haven't thought about that. My reading speed is not fast, far behind the professor." She said ambiguously.
"What about the book 'Neuroanatomy'?" Kanai asked further. "How long do you have to read it?"
"'Neuroanatomy' … It's a textbook I read in college. I really miss it!" She laughed. "At that time, I probably read it for a whole week. After all, there are a lot of things. It's not easy to remember all of them."
… One week. Nearly 500 pages of a large textbook full of all kinds of rare words. It only took seven days.
Was it because they were all gifted, or was it because he was too stupid? Kanna Tomosuke couldn't help but start to doubt herself.
She knew that she wasn't good at reading.
Since elementary school, those long paragraphs of text had always been her nightmare.
Her thoughts were too jumpy, and her attention was always quickly lax in the boring scenes. The neatly printed words soon turned into dense blocks of unknown blocks in her eyes, and the blank space between the lines always unconsciously became the entrance to her strange fantasies. Because of this, her results were not very good. Even when she was admitted to Ning Shan Junior High School, she had to rely on Xiao Hong's help to barely fly at a low altitude.
"You're looking for an excuse." Dreamland's words broke her out of her daze. "I let you enter my dream and bought you so much time — such a good opportunity, but you didn't work hard." He asserted.
"I worked hard! I — "Kanai felt wronged and tried to refute. She wanted to explain how she had adjusted the flow of time and tried to use more time to make up for her lack of reading speed. She also wanted to say that she had done everything she could to keep herself focused and awake when she was reading. However, in the Godly Illusion Realm, the man who had always been smiling when they first met, interrupted her with a frosty expression.
"Worked hard?" He raised his eyebrows suspiciously. "Then I'll put it in another way — after spending so much time, this is the result you got?"
"You only say that you worked hard, but you didn't make any substantial progress — you're just moving yourself. With your current state, you want to be a hero? Dream on. "He said mercilessly.
Kanai couldn't help but shudder. Without a doubt, these words poked Kanai's sore spot.
Indeed. Kanai thought. In the Xiong Ying entrance exam, no one would care how much effort she put in. Whether or not she had the ability to become a hero — this was their only criterion.
But … But.
The time spent alone in the library seemed like it would never end. While trying to decipher those difficult words, she broke down countless times, but she also managed to gather her attention back together countless times. She stubbornly charged at the mountain of books again and again until the originally inaudible ticking of the alarm clock began to become ear-piercing. Sometimes, she even just mechanically scanned the words on the page, and she couldn't even remember why she was so persistent in the beginning.
The library in the dream was as spacious as a palace, but she increasingly felt that the air around her was like a solid wall squeezing her. The illusory sunlight shone on her head, but it reminded her how isolated and helpless she was.
This short one month felt like a lifetime ago. The kidnapping incident was like a dream, and the time in this facility was also like a dream. Things in the future became more and more blurred — everything seemed to be drowned by endless pain and loneliness.
When she was awake, the pain brought by the nerve growth seemed to be endless. While he was escaping from the pain in his dream, another kind of pain was already waiting for him.
She, who had been foolishly happy since she was a child, began to cry helplessly more and more frequently in the sea of books illusion where only she existed. And the tears in the dream were also bitter — they dripped on the illustration of the whole body's nervous system, turned a page, and dripped on the blank space between the lines that described complex psychological phenomena. The funny thing was that she didn't know how many days and nights she struggled, but she still didn't know her own personality.
— Why did she learn these things that she didn't know?! She began to question him again. She couldn't even feel the existence of her own personality! Those light spots were just a flash in the pan — she didn't see them again after the kidnapping incident.
… Did she really want to blindly persist like this?
… Could she really become a hero like she hoped and promised the Phantom Doctor?
… After enduring so much pain and loneliness, could she really fulfill the promise with Xiao Hong?
"But I just can't remember!" In despair and frustration, Kanai's voice sounded like she was about to cry. "I can't concentrate! I tried! I just can't! I tried to spend more time to remember, but I still can't! "
"… I still can't …" She repeated what she just said and finally couldn't hold back her tears. "What is my personality?! Why can't I feel anything?! At that time, at that time … Was it just my illusion? I really don't have a personality, right? Phantom Doctor, don't lie to me — I'm actually a good-for-nothing who can't do anything, right? "
Her voice was hoarse as she cried. The negative emotions that had been accumulating for a long time — self-doubt, frustration, anxiety, depression, and inferiority — finally exploded at this moment.
Only then did Dreamland notice the small alarm clock on the table — its hands were almost stationary at this moment.
… Has it adjusted to the limit? He thought. This little girl, does she have to stay here for so long every day? Why is she so stupid — Even if Olmut was here, he would also collapse.
"Don't cry." He advised dryly.
"I, I'm sorry …" Kanna Tomosuke tried to suppress her crying while she raised her hands to wipe the tears that kept pouring out.
The Illusionary God Realm suddenly discovered that there were several unnatural red marks on her arms, and there were even faint traces of bruises in some places. "What's wrong with your arms?" He asked.
"I … I want to wake myself up a little … So, so …" Kanna Tomosuke replied while sobbing.
In order to wake herself up, she pinched herself — and used such a heavy hand? Dreamland didn't know what to say for a moment. It seemed that she had indeed tried her best — it was just that her efforts were not in proportion to the results.
What a headache. He thought about it and couldn't help but sigh. "I took it for granted." He said helplessly.
— No matter what, she is not the same person as that senior. He thought. I was indeed too impatient.
"… Don't cry." He finally softened his voice and took Kanai's thin body into his arms. In the next second, the library full of depressing books disappeared and was replaced by a small room with warm decorations.
The pale yellow light was warm and soft. There was only enough space in the small room for a small round table and two comfortable armchairs. In the corner, the tin pot on the stove made a slight popping sound. In the air, there was a faint scent of incense that made people feel at ease.
"Sit down — Don't think about memorizing books." Kanai heard Dreamland say. "I made you read so many strange things, you must be confused, right? 'Why did I learn these things' — You must be very confused, right?"
Seeing Kanai nodding hesitantly, Dreamland was not in a hurry to answer. He unhurriedly took out two cups and poured the tea from the tin pot into them.
"Originally, I wanted you to figure it out on your own as you studied. However, I'm afraid that there's a problem somewhere that's preventing you from properly perceiving your own personality," Seiji said as he pushed the teacup towards Kanna.
"But it's okay." He comforted her. "With me and Qianqian helping you, everything will be fine."
"… So what is my personality?!" Kanai couldn't help but ask. She was about to become impatient with the Illusory God Realm's roundabout words.
"Your personality." The Illusory God Realm took a sip of tea and put on the smiling expression it had when they first met. Calm and unruffled, he said,
"Your personality, is it 'biological magnetic field'?"
"… Biological magnetic field?" Dreamland enjoyed the gray-haired girl's more confused expression and said, "Yes. Biological magnetic field — This is the official statement in the current records. In fact, this is not very accurate, but those short-sighted people can only understand this much. "
"Actually, Kana Kobayashi —" Dreamland leaned closer to Kanai and whispered bewitchingly, "Your personality can actually 'adjust' living organisms — all living things — all physiological and psychological activities."
"… As long as you want, you can easily make the enemy become a paraplegic — spinal cord injury above the second thoracic vertebra, do you still remember? It can also speed up the healing of wounds — accelerate cell division and metabolism, right? "
"And according to the theory that physiology and psychology can affect each other, you can either 'push' the other party's emotions by adjusting the various hormones in the brain or make the other party fall into hallucinations by changing the other party's psychological state. [Note 10] "
"Senior used the latter more often in the past. This is also why this personality is officially classified as' spiritual '— Of course, in fact, this power is much more powerful than the spiritual. "
Kanna Tomosuke's eyes widened. She never thought that she would have such a powerful and diverse personality.
"Sounds cool, right?" Dreamland said with a smile. "… This is why you have to memorize all the knowledge in the book."
"Your personality isn't the type that can go against the heavens and the earth once you've awakened. I'm just telling you what kind of effect you can achieve if you cultivate your personality well. But if you don't know anything about physiology and psychology, adjusting the bio-magnetic field is just a random attempt."
"Just like that time, you just happened to project your blood loss reaction to the group of criminals."
"… Do you understand what I'm saying?" Dreamland said.
Kanna Tomosuke nodded silently. She finally understood why the Godly Illusion Realm wanted her to memorize every single detail of the book. She also understood why he was so dissatisfied and disappointed when he found out that she only memorized the framework.
"In this battle, as well as the many battles to come, no one will truly be able to save you. Only you can save yourself." The words that the God of Illusion had said to her when they had first met still rang in her ears.
Previously, she only thought of this sentence as an abstract encouragement. But now, she finally understood the meaning of this sentence. She had to become strong, and she had to be able to control her personality freely. Only in this way could she use the power to restore her damaged nervous system to normal, and even help herself to heal her eyes that had lost their sense of light.
Only in this way could she have a chance — yes, just a chance — to take the Xiong Ying exam.
And to achieve all this, she was just an ordinary first-year junior high student with no personality a month ago. She had less than two years left.
The previous blankness was swept away. It was replaced by a heavier sense of pressure and urgency.
"I will study hard." She said worriedly. Everything she had done before finally seemed to have meaning now. She couldn't wait to go back to the library in her dream and read until she was dizzy.
"Pfft." Dreamland couldn't help but laugh out loud. He rubbed Kanai's soft gray hair and teased, "With your efficiency, you won't be able to finish reading even if you study for ten thousand years. Besides, you can't even feel the existence of your personality now, right? So what's the point of working so hard now? "
"… Hard work also depends on skill. How can you be so stupid when I say you are!"
Hearing this, Kanna Tomosuke also felt that it made sense, and she suddenly didn't know what to do. She looked at Dreamland blankly. "Then what should I do now?"
Dreamland spread out his hands, "Nothing … Ahem." When he saw Kanna furrowing her eyebrows, he hurriedly smiled and said, "Alright, alright, I won't tease you anymore. Today, I'm going to investigate your situation together with Chien-chan. As for you … I think the sun outside is quite nice, so I might as well give you a break!"
"… Vacation?" Go outside? Kanai was a little incredulous. "You mean —"
"Yes. You haven't been out in the sun for a long time. I mean, the real sun. "As he said that, he snapped his fingers. The warm house in front of her was instantly shattered by his high mobility.
Kanai's eyes suddenly fell into darkness. She knew that she was now back to reality.
"Your parents are working today, right? I will ask the Qianqian to help you contact a volunteer. Go out for a walk today!" She heard the Illusionary God Mirror rush out of the room, and the sound of its voice, which had become softer due to the distance, drew an upward arc in the air.
"… Am I going out?" Kanna muttered to herself as she listened to the various machines clicking in her ears. Although she couldn't see, she could still feel the warmth of the sun shining in from the window, which made her feel at ease.
The sharp pain of nerve healing was still endless, but at this moment, Kanai felt like a beating movement of life.
She still had to work hard. She didn't want her personality to be covered in dust.
She tilted her head, and the sun illuminated her lifeless eyes.
Once more hope sprang up stubbornly in her heart.
What was the outside world like now?
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