She loved him, he had always known that.
The girl's soft voice resounded in his ears, each word knocking against his determined heart. He turned his hand and held her cold little hand in his palm.
He drove, looking straight ahead. The neon lights of the city shone on his handsome face through the car window, adding to the vicissitudes of life.
Although he had lived in a prosperous city for so many years, it had never belonged to him and he had never lost himself in it.
All these years, he had taken so many twists and turns, he had overcome so many obstacles, but he was still that sleepless man who carried his backpack far away from his hometown and came to the big city to make a living.
Lu Yan's deep brown eyes were bloodshot and there was a tinge of tears in them. He curved his thin lips and laughed in a hoarse voice. "I've never been calculative on this journey, I've never been calculative about how much I've sacrificed and what I'll gain in return. Although I didn't get to see my father for the last time, he left me a note. It was just a few simple words, 'Be an upright person'.
"I had my first woman when I was 18 years old or even earlier. I wanted to get close to a big boss and this big boss' mistress took a liking to me. I didn't reject such a shortcut. Why would I reject her? I was hot-blooded at that time and it was only a matter of time before I had a woman. I pressed her down on the bed.
"This woman is like a heroin addict. After venting it to her heart's content, she suddenly feels empty inside. The unfamiliar faces around her will make her feel tired, and she will get tired of this dirty transaction of flesh. But I still continue. In front of a shortcut, after countless life-and-death games, when I can't sleep at night, I choose to exhaust all my energy on a woman, leading a befuddled life."
"Such a life wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. It was only when I was 27 years old that I brought you home when you were 6 years old.
"At that time, you were so timid and afraid of me. When I came, you would hide in the room, but when I left, you would open the door and peek at me secretly, just like a little rabbit.
"There was one time when I came back with injuries and saw you secretly crying. At that time, I even scolded you. You were crying at a funeral.
"You are constantly growing up, and the feelings that we have for each other are slowly changing. You confess your love to me, and you are pressing me. It's not that you don't want to, but … you are afraid."
"I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a balance. With a heavy burden on one hand and love on the other, I'm afraid that I'll harm the country and I'm afraid that I'll betray you. How can there be a perfect solution in this world to not betray the Buddha and not betray you?"
"What I'm even more afraid of is that I'm old and it's too late for time to pass. When you're in the prime of your youth, how would I dare to sing my love to you?"
"But in the end, I fell in love with you. I fell in love with you. I fell in love with the warmth you gave me. I fell in love with the love you gave me. After walking for so many years, I suddenly want to stop. I'm tired. I'm hurt. My heart hurts. I'm lonely. I want to fall asleep. I suddenly want you to accompany me."
"I want to have a family with you. I want to tell you about my parents. I want to ask you seriously, An 'an, I'm not perfect. I'm 40 years old. I haven't gone to college properly. I've had many women. I feel very inferior. So have you thought about it carefully? Don't play with me, because this is my first time playing with feelings and falling in love."
"I also want to tell you secretly that if I've made you sad in the past, you must be more tolerant. I'm nervous, I hesitate, I hesitate, that's because I'm too old, and you're too young. I'm very bad, and you're very good. I'm always thinking about our future. I'm always looking for the possibility of us being happy. I've given my heart to you. My eyes are filled with you. An 'an, after so many years, I love you."
He said, "An 'an, after so many years, I love you."
An 'an's eyes curved into a smile. She had finally waited for his confession and his love.
An 'an's delicate body gradually lay down, her face resting on his muscular thighs. She stretched her hand out, touching the prosthetic leg on his right leg. This was the best love he had given her.
Actually, a true hero was made of flesh and blood. The so-called softness and weakness would make them even more beautiful.
An 'an gently closed her eyes. "Ah Yan, do you know? I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was pregnant and gave birth to a pair of twins."
A pair of twins?
It would be great to have a son and a daughter.
Lu Yan curved his thin lips, raking his fingers through her silky black hair, wrapping it around her fair forehead and caressing it. "If we give birth to a pair of twins, what will the daughter be called? What will the son be called?"
After he said that, there was no response for a long time.
An 'an closed her eyes and never opened them again.
She fell asleep.
She still fell asleep.
Lu Yan didn't dare to lower his eyes, he didn't dare to lower his head to look at her. The veins in his hand were throbbing and his heart was in so much pain. Every breath he took was painful, he was in so much pain that he wanted to die.
Time returned to that night many years ago. On a winter day, he was wearing a thin and tattered shirt, sitting alone on a rock outside. He looked at the sky over and over again.
He had been abandoned.
From then on, he had become a person.
The world was so big, but his home was gone.
In this lifetime, he had nowhere to put his love.
He had suffered the pain of not being able to bear it once. Now that the heavens were so cruel, he had to suffer it a second time.
Many years ago, his eyes were dry, not a single tear had flowed out.
But now, he gripped the steering wheel tightly, her body gradually turning cold on his muscular thighs. His eyes suddenly became moist, something was welling up in his heart.
One drop, two drops, three drops … the tears in his eyes flowed down, blurring his vision.
He didn't know that tears could be so hot.
They burned his heart, burning him to ashes.
Time couldn't be turned back, it was too late.
An 'an.
His An 'an.
His broad shoulders started to move. He hadn't cried before, he didn't know how a man looked like when he cried. He didn't know how to soothe the pain in his heart. He clenched his fists and bit down on them, feeling helpless.
All the flowers were withering, his world had turned black and white.
At this moment, he heard a soft and weak voice. "Naming the baby is your job as a father."
Lu Yan froze, he quickly lowered his eyes. An 'an didn't open her eyes, but her eyelashes were fluttering.
Drip, a drop of hot teardrop fell on her little face.
An 'an slowly opened her eyes, lifting her eyes to look at him. She saw the man's tear-streaked face.
She was stunned, the corners of her lips promptly kicked up, her voice was coquettish and joyful. "Idiot, I didn't sleep. Although my body hurts so much and I wanted to close my eyes and sleep for a while, it wouldn't hurt anymore. But I didn't sleep, because … I couldn't bear to."
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