The diary was written more than ten years ago. It was a thick book, and it recorded an entire year's worth of love, hate, and hatred that a gentle housewife silently swallowed in her stomach.
Ling Han casually flipped to a page, and what entered his eyes was an indescribable sense of dejection.
'When the car stopped, I wanted to take an umbrella to fetch Dongming. His body was cold, and he would cough if he was drenched in the rain. When that happened, he would feel uncomfortable for a long time. But through the window, I saw the beautiful woman in the car talking by his ear, laughing without restraint. And on his face, there was a relaxed and happy expression that I hadn't seen in a long time. I knew that it was probably the end of the road between us.'
On a certain Friday night eleven years ago, Ling Dongming returned from a banquet. Wen Qingwan went to bed early as usual, and as usual, he went straight to the study and stayed there for the whole night.
"July 25th, Sunny, mother is seriously ill. I went back to my parents' home and told mother that I want to separate from Dongming. Mother probably knew something and advised me to be magnanimous and to protect the family business. It's normal for a man to have women outside. I don't have to think about it, but I should also think about Han 'er who was sent abroad to study when she was young. Mother said that the woman is young and has a girl with her. If she marries into the family and gives birth to a child or two for Dongming, how will Han' er live? Mother is more far-sighted than I am, so let's just end the thought of divorce …"
'Today was the Mid-Autumn Festival. Dongming said that he had something to do at the company and didn't come back. Han Er, who was overseas, called me and said that he was about to finish his studies and his grades were excellent. I was afraid that Han Er wouldn't come back, so I pretended to be angry and threw a tantrum with him, ordering him to come back before the New Year. I was afraid that my body wouldn't be able to hold on for too long. In any case, when Han Er came back, I would hand over all the businesses that I had bought over the years to him.'
'December 15th, Cloudy, Han Er came back today, and Dongming went on a business trip. Even though I asked the butler to pick him up at the airport, I was still worried. I accidentally saw that woman at the airport, wearing a bright red coat, followed by a girl. She was very beautiful, and when she grew up, she would definitely charm many men. That woman seemed to know me and wanted to say hello to me. I stumbled out of the airport and stood outside. It was snowing outside, and I didn't know when that girl stood behind me and gave me an umbrella. She seemed to know everything.
'… …'
His well-defined fingers gripped the edge of the diary. Because he used too much strength, the veins on the back of his hand bulged, as if they were about to burst out of his blood vessels.
Ling Han's face gradually darkened. This diary left by Wen Qingwan started from half a year ago, and it reminded him day after day that the ambiguous time between him and Ye Huanyan was a complete joke. The so-called love built on his mother's dignity had become a thick sense of guilt towards his mother.
He still remembered that on the day he returned to the country 11 years ago, he couldn't find the butler to pick him up at the airport. When he arrived at the airport, he saw his dazed mother holding a small red umbrella in her hand. Her shoulders were covered in snow, and her plain beige coat made her face look pale.
"Mom, why are you here? Where's the butler? Your body isn't very good, why are you forcing yourself? "
At that time, he couldn't understand his mother's ashen expression. He just thought that she was in a daze because of her poor health and the cold winter wind.
"It's nothing. Let's go home."
Wen Qingwan was always a gentle person. When she saw Ling Han that day, the first sentence she said was especially firm when she said 'go home'.
The more a person clung to something, the more they couldn't get it.
After Ling Han returned to the country for half a year, Wen Qingwan gradually lost weight. During the New Year, she seemed to be in better health. Ling Dongming also put down his work and rushed back to reunite with the family. However, at night, he received a call and went out. It was also that night that Wen Qingwan inexplicably lost her temper at the servants and fired all the servants at home. She even smashed things at home for the first time.
The doctor said that the cancer cells had spread, causing the patient to be in a gloomy mood. There would be some extreme psychological changes, so they should be mentally prepared. Therefore, all of this did not happen out of Ling Han's expectations.
After that, he carried his almost weightless mother back to the room to rest. However, she refused to sleep and kept saying that there wasn't much time left. She asked him to take out the old record player at home and play it.
The old melody spun out of the record player as if it could draw people into that simple and unadorned era.
Wen Qingwan said, "Han 'er, if you fall in love with a girl in the future, you must like her seriously."
At that time, Ling Han didn't care about love and relationships. Although he had a few relationships overseas, they were all left unsettled and ended peacefully.
"Mom, why are you suddenly saying this? Did my dad make you sad?"
"No." Wen Qingwan held his hand. "Your dad is quite good. It has nothing to do with your dad. I just see that you're still so young and don't know many things. I'm afraid that you'll hurt a girl's heart one day."
"How can that be? Do you think your son is such an irresponsible person?"
"That's not it." She revealed a rare smile. "I know my son the best. He usually looks like he doesn't care about anything, but when he really cares about something, he can't let go of it more than anyone else."
Ling Han left home when he was young and didn't have much attachment to his parents. He didn't take Wen Qingwan's words to heart. He covered her with the blanket and showed his filial piety. He was a little impatient and wanted to go to the study to study his project information. When he walked to the door, he heard Wen Qingwan's words. When he connected it with the truth he found out in the future, it was too cruel and made him regret it too much.
"Linghan, if there comes a day when you don't like that girl anymore, you must tell her clearly. Don't hide it from her. A woman's heart is the most sensitive. She can feel whether you like her or not. It's better to separate than to drag it on."
At that time, he was busy looking at the information and didn't realize that when Wen Qingwan called him, she didn't call him 'Han' but 'Ling Han'. He also didn't realize that what Wen Qingwan said to him was actually for Ling Dongming.
The night was dark and the night wind hit the window, making a rustling sound.
Ling Han closed the diary and locked it in the safe again. He put his hands in his trouser pockets and walked to the window. He stared at the night sky outside the window in a daze. Even he couldn't tell if the anger he vented on Ye Huanyan was because he hated her for not stopping Jiang Meilan from doing all the bad things or because he hated himself for not being filial as a son.
It had been more than half a year since he found out about what happened back then. That night when he got drunk, Ye Huanyan didn't give him any time to recover and had sex with him. His extremes and uncontrollable emotions became worse after he didn't have that time to recover.
He also knew that Ye Huanyan shouldn't be blamed for what happened back then.
But he also knew that if he didn't blame Ye Huanyan, he had no reason to be entangled with her.
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