Moxie abruptly raised his head.
In the dim candlelight, Gu Mang's eyelashes fluttered, and then he slowly opened his eyes. His blue eyes were as deep as the sea.
He stared at Mo Xi in a daze. His consciousness had not yet come to him, and only his instincts controlled his expression. Therefore, his thin face was relaxed and soft, just like how "Brother Gu Mang" should look, extremely gentle.
"My princess … why are you crying …"
He sighed and murmured, but before Mo Xi could answer, Gu Mang's dreamy expression disappeared, and he gradually woke up. Then, almost visible to the naked eye — — astonishment, fear, stubbornness, cruelty, regret … — — each of these emotions was a fragment of his past, and they surged up like a tide, washing away the gentleness in his eyes.
After these emotions subsided, Gu Mang suddenly stood up, and withdrew his hand from Mo Xi's palm. His face was a mask of ruthlessness that he had long been used to wearing, "Mo Xi, are you crazy?! Who told you to come to the Asura World to find me? Do you know — — "
But what interrupted him was Mo Xi's sudden hug. This man's warm and firm embrace held him firmly, as if he was going to catch him from the frozen lake and rub him into the human world that he had not seen for a long time.
Gu Mang's blue eyes widened. He was so shocked and terrified that he was hugged by Mo Xi that he forgot what he wanted to say.
Mo Xi hugged him tightly, his chin resting on the top of his head, and kept kissing and stroking his hair.
"I already know everything."
With just one sentence, Gu Mang's entire body tensed up. He struggled, wanting to push Mo Xi away. But before he could exert any strength, he felt the man holding him tremble slightly. Mo Xi said hoarsely, "Senior, don't say anything stupid, and don't do anything stupid."
Gu Mang was at a loss.
For so many years, he had always treated himself well. He had built the hardest shell so that the world could only see his coldness, decisiveness, hatred, and cruelty. But as soon as he woke up, he found that his disguise had been pierced to pieces. The person he wanted to protect the most appeared in front of him with red eyes, reaching out to touch his soft heart that had nowhere to run.
Almost instinctively, he denied, "Mo Xi — you only know half of it. Besides, what does my business have to do with you? I've already told you that we're not the same kind of people. I'm not … I'm not … "
Mo Xi's response was to put his hand behind his head. His voice was deep and nasal as he said, "You're not that kind of person at all."
Gu Mang: "…"
It was as if they were separated by a layer of ice. Mo Xi, who was on the outside, wanted to hug Gu Mang, who was under the ice. No matter how cold the ice was, he refused to retreat. So the layer of ice melted bit by bit and collapsed bit by bit.
"You're not willing to kill, you're not willing to fight. You've never thought of harming me or taking revenge on anyone … "
Mo Xi's voice was low. Just now, when Gu Mang was asleep, he was crying. Now that Gu Mang was awake, he was unwilling. Gu Mang had suffered enough. He did not want this soft and tenacious life to worry about him or suffer for him.
"It's been eight years, Gu Mang. You've suffered …"
"I'm sorry. I didn't understand you."
With every word he said, Gu Mang's trembling in his arms became more obvious. When the last sentence was said, Gu Mang seemed to be crushed by something. He shrank back so much that Mo Xi could even hear the low sobs in his throat. He could feel some warm liquid soaking his chest.
"No … no, no …" Gu Mang pushed and shoved. In the past, Mo Xi had only seen his Brother Gu Mang's smart and quick-witted side. But now, he was forced into a corner and still struggled to lie, just to protect him and not let him get close to him. But this Brother Gu was so clumsy, so clumsy that he was stubborn, so clumsy that he was pitiful.
It was so clumsy that it caused his entire heart and body to throb in pain.
Gu Mang did not know what else he could explain or sacrifice. He had always been protecting others. This kind of protection had been engraved into his bones. And once he could not do it, he would be as helpless as a blind dragon with broken claws.
He kept repeating, "It's not like this … You don't understand …"
Mo Xi held his hand. His eyes were slightly red, "Do you have to push me away?"
"…"
"It's been so many years. Brother, do you know what was the most painful thing for me? It wasn't that you stabbed me, it wasn't that you left me, it was that you became someone I didn't know at all … Do you know how sad I was at that time? "
"I know that you wanted to protect me and didn't want to implicate me. But I've already told you that I don't have anyone close to me in this world other than you. When you were protecting me, why didn't you think about what was the cruelest thing for me? Do you think I'm afraid of suffering together with you? Do you think I'm afraid of being criticized by everyone? I was afraid that you would never come back to me. Gu Mang, I was afraid that you would leave! "Mo Xi closed his eyes. Even though he could hold back his tears, his eyelashes were already wet.
"For so many years … I've always treated you with sincerity. In the past, I always hoped that my sincerity could be exchanged for your sincerity. But after going through so much, whether you like me or not, whether you are willing to be with me, these are no longer important … I only ask you … "
He stroked Gu Mang's head, lowered his eyes and kissed Gu Mang's forehead. He suppressed the trembling of his voice and said hoarsely, "I only ask you to give me a chance to protect you and accompany you … I only want to protect you … You really can't tell me any truth? Can't you share even a little bit of the burden on your shoulders with me?"
"Gu Mang … I'm also your comrade. You'd rather let me fall into a cold cave than let me live in pain like this … "
He spoke so sincerely and affectionately, but Gu Mang only felt terrible.
It had been eight years.
From the day Gu Mang decided to become a spy, he had planned for Mo Xi's future. But at that time, they were still so young and had not experienced the pain of love. So Gu Mang naively thought that as long as he was a little more heartless, this young man would feel that loving him was an extremely painful thing.
As long as it was painful, Mo Xi would let go sooner or later.
But he kept waiting, kept waiting.
He stabbed Mo Xi until his palm was full of blood and Mo Xi's body was full of injuries. Mo Xi never let go of him. All these years, he had always hoped that Mo Xi could see past their past love and that Mo Xi could live a peaceful life, marry a gentle and virtuous wife, and have a group of lively and lovely children.
Sooner or later, the uncontrollable feelings and love that happened when they were young and frivolous would be washed away by time into ink that could no longer be seen clearly. That was how he had originally considered Mo Xie.
But in the end, he still got one thing wrong. In this world, love and not love could indeed be changed, but the heart would always be the same.
Mo Xi had never been a casual person. On the day he decided to confess to Gu Mang, what he gave to Gu Mang was not his love.
It was his heart.
His …
Suddenly, Gu Mang realized that something was wrong. He leaned against Mo Xi's chest and could feel that Mo Xi's spiritual flow was so weak, and his spiritual nucleus was almost broken.
The scene before he fainted in the Shura's Room flashed before his eyes. When Mo Xi came to save him, his face was terribly pale. Could it be …
Gu Mang suddenly looked up. "Where did you find out the truth?"
"…"
"You went to Bat Island again? You used the Time Mirror again? "
Mo Xi looked at his suddenly nervous face and stared at his pair of uneasy blue eyes. Slowly, a soft and sad smile appeared between his brows.
"Are you worried about me?"
Before Gu Mang could answer, he lowered his head and kissed Gu Mang's forehead, as if he was afraid of being denied and rejected. "I'm fine."
But Gu Mang's heart felt like it was being torn apart. Thousands of guesses surged in his heart and then faded away, leaving only one clear answer on the beach.
This time, Gu Mang did not ask. He murmured, tears flowing down his soft face. He said, "… It's … It's Wang Jian …"
His long eyelashes closed. Gu Mang endured and suppressed, as if he wanted to say something to draw a line between them.
But …
It had been eight years. Life and death were cruel, but in the end, they could not stop Mo Xi from chasing after his footsteps. They walked onto this small path full of thorns. The obstacles he set up and left behind did not stop the young man's footsteps in the end.
His junior brother still managed to catch up. He turned around in the darkness and saw that his lover from eight years ago was no longer as young as before. He was travel-worn and covered in blood. The only thing that hadn't changed was his pair of stubborn and bright black eyes. The lover he gave up ran towards him and caught up with him. Then, he stood in the thorns, panting, and said to him.
Brother, Gu Mang, I'm here to pick you up. Let's go home.
The ice surface completely shattered into thousands of pieces of sparkling light. The person who had been frozen and sleeping under the ice for a long time was finally embraced by his little brother.
Gu Mang suddenly could not hold it in anymore. The string that had been stretched taut for eight years finally snapped. He finally burst into tears. He could not help but say, "I'm sorry … I'm sorry …"
I belittled your feelings and didn't understand that stubborn heart of yours that couldn't be changed.
I made a choice for you. I didn't ask you which path you were willing to take.
I didn't respect your wishes. I didn't understand what you cared about the most. I forced my plan onto your fate.
I kept lying to you … I didn't give you the chance to walk together …
It had been eight years.
I've hurt you, harmed you, alienated you, and hurt you. I've done all kinds of things to disappoint you, and I've even almost taken your life — — — -
Why haven't you turned back yet, my little fool, my princess?
Why did you still risk your life to dig out the truth? Then, you came to me covered in rain and rain. Why were you so, so stupid?
"Mo Xi, I'm sorry …"
Mo Xi's hand that was stroking Gu Mang's hair paused. He misunderstood and said, "It's okay. I know what you chose. I also know what you endured, what you suffered, and what you sacrificed for this choice … You don't have to apologize to me. Actually, I've already told you before. If you really don't like me and want to be free, I won't force you. As long as you can come back …" As he said this, his eyes slowly turned red. His lips gently touched Gu Mang's forehead.
It was like the most sincere of prayers.
"As long as you're well, and let me accompany you, and give me a chance to share the burden with you … Gu Mang, my good brother, that's enough."
At this point, he was probably afraid that his hug would make Gu Mang feel bad. Therefore, he lowered his head again and gently pressed his chin against Gu Mang's forehead. He was about to let go.
But at this moment, he was suddenly hugged back fiercely. Gu Mang suddenly hugged him, like a beast that had left its pack and finally found its companion. Gu Mang was completely choked with sobs. This man who had been homeless and alone for too long, who had endured too much, who had kept a secret for eight years, finally broke down in tears in the arms of his lover. His forehead was pressed against Mo Xi's chest. He was almost sorrowful, as if he wanted to shed all the bitterness of these years in these little drops of tears.
Gu Mang hugged Mo Xi's waist tightly. The ends of his slender and soft eyes were pitifully red. He finally cried out the words that had been buried in his heart all these years. They were almost rotten. "… It's too painful … Mo Xi … I'm really in too much pain …"
Mo Xi was hugged by him. This hug was like a drowning man holding onto a piece of driftwood. It was so desperate and so tired. His heart was suddenly seized. He touched Gu Mang's head and murmured in a low voice, "I know, I know …"
"No matter what I do, I'm always alone … No matter what I do, I can only be alone … For so many years, I couldn't even say a word to the people around me. I still have to kill the people in my own country, the cultivators … kill my brothers and sisters … It's really too painful … Mo Xi …"
Mo Xi choked with sobs, "Yes … I know everything …"
"I'm really going crazy … It's like every day, every night, every moment, there's a knife fiercely stabbing me. But I still have to say … It's good to stab, it's good to stab …" Gu Mang trembled and closed his eyes in pain. "… I don't want to kill anyone … I want to go back to Chong Hua … I want Lu Zhanxing to still be alive. I want nothing to happen …"
"I know, I know. Just say it. You'll feel better if you say it. I'll be with you. I'll always be by your side …"
Gu Mang didn't say anything. Gu Mang opened his blue eyes that were washed by tears. After a while, he murmured in a low voice, "I don't want to leave you either …"
"I-" Mo Que had wanted to comfort him, to say that he knew, that he understood, but when he heard this, he was startled.
For a long time, neither of them broke the silence. There was only the sound of their hearts beating.
Another sound, another sound, another sound …
It was so urgent, so fast, as if the truth that had been suppressed in the bottom of his heart for so many years was about to break out.
Gu Mang said softly. The tough and strong person who always exuded the courage to calm people was so timid at this moment.
He was like a person who was afraid of being poor, carefully opening his arms and trying to embrace an expensive gift that he thought he was destined to never get.
He said in a low voice, "I don't want to lie to you … I don't want you to leave. I, I never want to …"
"…"
"I don't want to see you leave. I don't want to see you with anyone else."
Mo Xi's hand paused. His handsome and beautiful face suddenly turned pale and then red. He had obviously given up hope and thought that it was fine if they were just fellow apprentices. As long as Gu Mang could be healthy, happy and relaxed, anything was fine. He would never force him again, never force him or make things difficult for him.
But Gu Mang's words seemed to ignite the fire that he had extinguished with his own hands.
Gu Mang closed his eyes. The disguise that he had put on for so many years finally fell apart at this moment.
He said, "Mo Xi, I really like you …"
Mo Xi's heartbeat seemed to stop at this moment. He looked at the person in front of him, at the wet and haggard face, but it was real.
He had the best dream in his life, but he did not dare to hear Gu Mang say this sincerely.
"I like you, I've always liked you … I'm sorry, I was too selfish in the past. I didn't think about what you really wanted and what you were afraid of. I just wanted to protect you in my own way, but I didn't know … I didn't know …"
But I didn't know that you would stumble for eight years to catch up with me. You wasted the best years of your youth just to find me and come back. I didn't know that you had already decided on someone at such a young age.
I didn't know that even after going through so much, you were still willing to accompany me in the end, even if it meant going to hell.
Gu Mang did not continue speaking. Mo Xi lifted his face. Mo Xi's eyes were moist. He raised his hand and wiped away the tears on Gu Mang's face.
He said in a low voice, "But you didn't know that I liked you so much? That I liked you for so long? "
Gu Mang lowered his eyes and said softly, "I'm sorry … I lied to you for so many years."
"…"
"Do you still want me?"
"Silly … From the first time I confessed to you, I said that once I recognized someone, it would be for life." Mo Xi's heart was trembling, but he still tried his best to maintain his composure.
He could not cry in front of Gu Mang again. He warned himself.
Thus, he curved his moist phoenix eyes and revealed a smile that seemed to be infinitely brilliant yet infinitely sorrowful. He said, "The things I've promised you, I'll keep them for life. It's only been eight years. You and I still have a long way to go. How can I not want you? "
These two people who had endured countless forced lies, who had experienced so many joys and sorrows of partings and reunions, looked at each other stupidly. Because they had finally reunited, neither of them cried, but also because they both knew in their hearts that although the road of life was long, they were destined to never be healthy again, unlike before, so neither of them could let go of their feelings and speak of happiness.
They had long been tortured by fate and the current situation. But when these two pairs of moist eyes looked at each other, they still choked with sobs. Slowly, they gathered all the courage and warmth in their hearts and tried their best to show each other the softest smile that they could now show.
A pair of wounded beasts finally hugged each other without any barriers. The ice layer melted and they could finally draw on each other's warmth and share each other's pain.
From then on, whether it was the endless cold lake or the four months in the human world, he would always be with him and never be separated.
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