Like I said before, Old Huo would go out for treatment. If he recovered, he would continue writing. If not, he would continue writing.
Yes, treatment failed.
This meant that his condition would relapse in the future. Fortunately, it was still under control, so he had to go to the hospital frequently to prevent it from getting worse.
Let's not talk about anything else. I really don't want to talk about this repeatedly.
Actually, I had been home for a long time. Although I would occasionally cheer myself up, I was depressed most of the time.
I believed that many people had experienced a low point. It was easy to talk about, but it was very difficult to get out of it.
Regardless of whether I was confused or hesitant, looking back now, I was completely in a state of "Why was I so stupid back then". And thinking back to the past, I had experienced this state more than once before.
What to do when I was stuck in the mud? There was nothing I could do. I could only go with the flow. For a long time, I was addicted to games. I tried to continue writing, but I was always dissatisfied. The more dissatisfied I was, the less I wanted to write. It became a vicious cycle.
As time passed, the guilt I felt became heavier. I felt sorry for the readers. I was not being polite. I had been reading online novels, and I hated the lack of updates. I knew what it felt like to have a book that you liked eunuchs.
I blamed myself so much that I gradually reduced my gaming time. I bought some books that were interesting and helpful for writing. For example, psychology, politics, history, and so on. I started reading slowly. Of course, I also bought some books that I hadn't read in a long time. Everyone knows that buying books is like pouring a mountain, but reading a book is like spinning silk.
As I read, I suddenly realized that reading books was really fun. It was much more fun than playing games. So I uninstalled all my games. Yes, life is full of ups and downs. Ten horses can't pull you back, and when you are serious, you can't find any traces.
During this time, my mind became much clearer. I was actually quite good at self-reflection. I began to analyze why I couldn't continue writing. I soon realized that it might be because of fear.
There is a psychological saying that our procrastination and laziness are all due to fear of something.
I analyzed it carefully. I had a fear of being scolded by the readers. Or rather, all authors have this fear. Hahaha …
Another fear was that I couldn't write the ending of The Sage of Confucianism well. Because … I pushed down the original outline. This was probably the main reason why I didn't want to write before.
However, I couldn't come up with a new outline in a short period of time, so I began to write 'The Most Holy of Confucianism' in fear.
Actually, even if I didn't say anything, all authors and readers would understand. For a novel with five million words, it would be completely acceptable for it to have a bad ending. It's not that I'm trying to slander us authors, but it should be incredibly rare for a novel with more than five million words to have a bad ending.
I insist that when an author writes something, there must be a balance. This balance is simply the balance between the author's expression and the reader's needs.
If a book is written "entirely" for utilitarian purposes, and is written entirely to cater to the reader, I consider it a failure.
As an author, he should at least have the urge to write his own work.
However, if the author wrote a book "completely" about himself and did not care about the feelings of the readers, there were only two possibilities for such a work. Either it was a great classic, or it was still a failure.
I'm a person who thinks that I'm both a bit idealistic and a bit cunning, so I try to find a balance between the two.
At first, I wanted to write about Confucianism, but later I gave up and wrote a new outline. However, when I discovered that the new outline and direction would destroy my urge to write, I gave up on the outline. The result was that I didn't know how to continue writing.
Fortunately, according to the "Three Knowledge and Three Actions" standard in The Doctrine of the Mean, I barely reached the "Three Knowledge and Three Actions" standard. So, I clenched my teeth and started reading books related to Confucianism again. I continued to make notes and tried to perfect the original outline and direction.
In terms of the understanding of the Confucian classics, I'm sure I can't compare to those sages or even the scholars of ancient times. But in terms of overall understanding, I believe that any modern person who has read those books will surpass them. After all, we are standing on the shoulders of giants. We have too much knowledge and information to sort out the Confucian ideology.
A while ago, after sorting out the history of Confucianism, I sighed helplessly. Confucianism, especially since the Song Dynasty, was almost completely reduced to a sacrificial lamb in political struggles. However, this is also an inevitability, for, as Marx said, all (class) struggles are political struggles, and no political thought can escape them.
Of course, in the history of Confucianism, the scholars who truly inherited the orthodoxy of Confucianism rarely stayed in the government. Most of them were those who wrote books and taught their disciples. They studied knowledge, and many of them even resigned from high positions just to inherit the Confucian classics. They didn't seek ordinary fame and fortune, but the inheritance of a sect.
In a sense, those sages who resigned from their positions to pursue knowledge were essentially similar to Taoists and Buddhists. No matter if they were pedantic or stubborn, their spiritual state was extremely high.
Therefore, we can't just look for the spirit of Confucianism in those bureaucrats.
In addition, the more I read, the more I feel that the relationship between Confucianism and Taoism in China is the same. When the time comes, I will write a separate article to talk about the relationship between Confucianism and Taoism.
Back to the topic, after thinking for a long time, I finally decided to continue writing about Confucianism.
There were two main reasons why I gave up on writing about Confucianism.
First, regardless of the reality, Confucianism was in the impression of almost everyone in China. It was backward, dark, devoid of humanity, and could only be described with various negative words. If I were to write about Confucianism, it would be like summoning the soul of the feudal dross and ignorant ideas.
Second, I was too lazy and felt that it would be troublesome to write about it.
By the way, Confucianism was actually composed of three theories: Reason, Mind, and Qi. The three came from the same source and affirmed each other. The only thing that the three factions fought over was the priority.
However, no matter how Confucianism was, it did indeed have a large negative impact on China. It even made Confucianism the first scapegoat in China's history.
In fact, there was one thing that Confucianism couldn't get rid of, and that was that it bound people's thoughts.
This was a flaw in 'Reason' itself, and Confucianism could never solve it. But in the system of the hundred schools, where there was no overthrow of the hundred schools, this problem of Confucianism was no longer so fatal.
Therefore, I had a bold idea long ago. Or rather, I thought that I could solve some of the problems of Confucianism in Saint Origin World, but I was hesitant to write about it.
In fact, I had already decided to continue writing a while ago. I even made a new outline, but I couldn't immediately update it.
Cough cough … Because my mind wasn't focused, I came up with all kinds of ideas and creative ideas while reading. Recently, I had been thinking about all kinds of new ideas and new books. So, I instinctively made a list of books, bought books, and read them. Then, I made notes to store my knowledge. At the same time, I made an outline and made a list of settings … But all new ideas and new books were a process of constant negation. It was a bit like a bear breaking corn.
Fortunately, I controlled this impulse and continued to write The Most Holy of Confucianism.
As for new ideas, I slowly thought about them and accumulated them. Only when I couldn't deny them would I decide to write them as official ideas.
In fact, I had several ideas that had already been finalized, but I couldn't decide on the order.
I decided to continue writing. I had a stubborn thought, and that was that I had to write about the differences between Confucianism and other schools of thought. Only when I finished writing about the principle in my heart would I feel at ease.
The theme was the theme, and the idea was the idea. The theme of Confucianism had already been revealed, but in the end, the idea that I wanted to write would be formed at the end. In fact, this idea had been running through the book, but it hadn't been officially pointed out yet.
In fact, the previous battles weren't that intense. After leaving Saint Burial Valley and Fang Yun's battle for the Divine Path officially began, it wasn't just intense, it was tragic.
Only when I finished writing what I wanted to write in this book could I move on to the next one related to the Hundred Schools of Thought. I wanted to continue writing about the idea that only people with Chinese blood could understand. Of course, that would be a different story. It would be a new world within the system of the Hundred Schools of Thought.
However, the world of new books was bigger than the one in The Holy Way of Confucianism. There were more than fifty books in the list, and I needed to read at least thirty books. So, I had to continue polishing this idea and continue reading to enrich myself. As for whether I should write the next book or the one after that, I had been hesitating.
So, I didn't think about anything else. I continued to write The Holy Way of Confucianism while reading.
I wasn't good at socializing. The readers in the group should know that. The reason why I said so much was to tell them what I thought and did. It was to apologize. I didn't stop updating on purpose. It was just that I spent a lot of effort to cross that threshold and regain the mountains and rivers in my heart.
I didn't keep updating. I've disappointed everyone. I'm very sorry!
At the same time, I would like to thank every scholar! I will continue to write this book!
Humans were actually very weak. If they could overcome some difficulties and grow, they would be strong enough.
I'm writing, living, and cultivating.
In the end, I hope that every scholar can become a better version of themselves.
Old Huo, thank you.
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