This is a letter that you will never see, because it is written in my heart.
Right now, I am standing on the high platform of the Dragon Gate, looking at the sky filled with smoke, I cannot help but think, if I could see you again, how good would that be.
Because I am about to leave the Ten Thousand Mile Gorge, my life is about to end … …
I am sorry Qing Er, I am still unable to accompany you through your entire life, to hold your hand and Nian An's hand and watch him grow up.
In fact, I want to do this more than anyone else, but no one gave me the chance.
No, maybe I should say … … it is the heavens that did not give me the chance.
When I exchanged identities with the mute slave, I almost did not dare to look at your eyes.
Because I realized that your gaze was on me from time to time. It was like a scorching light that was burning me.
I did not dare to look at you, I was afraid that if I looked into your eyes, I would not be able to control myself and tell you everything.
I did not dare to touch you, I was afraid that at that moment, I would hold your hand and then place it on my chest.
Then even if I became like this, I would still want to shamelessly stay by your side.
Perhaps even the laughing palace maids would say: Look! That eunuch is with the empress.
I think that as long as you are by my side, I will not be afraid. The soul and the body are different, it is the depth of perception, I know you understand.
But I know that I cannot do this, I can be the target of public criticism, I can be consigned to eternal damnation, but you cannot.
Those days that I want to give you should be every day when I go to the morning court, looking at you sleeping soundly, and kissing your forehead.
Then when I come back, if you wake up, I will eat breakfast with you, if you do not wake up, I will bring the memorial to the room, and stay by your side to take a look at you.
At noon, we can go to the imperial garden to admire the flowers, if you want to leave the palace, I can also go with you.
Do not be afraid of danger, because I can protect you.
At night, we can drink wine, although I said that it is not good for a girl to drink, but I will allow you to drink a small cup, because your red face is especially beautiful … …
From morning to night, whether it is brilliant or ordinary, it is also good.
As long as I have you by my side, I want to spend my life with you.
Unfortunately, Qing Er … … I do not have the chance.
I don't know if you're doing well, and I don't know if Mute Slave has exposed our identity swapping.
However, I still remembered the day when we walked past the Northern Cold Palace.
You didn't want me to leave the Northern Winter Palace, and you looked like you wanted to say something but were hesitating. There were also other emotions that even you couldn't understand.
'I know, I know everything …'
Because the person standing in front of you is Du Jiu Sheng, you have all these emotions.
That's why you're uneasy, you're not afraid, you're reluctant …
Do you know when I almost blurted out the truth?
It was what you said: Why are your words 70% similar to big brother Jiu Sheng's?
Silly girl, I've already written it so crookedly, yet you still think it's similar. What are you thinking in that little head of yours?
God knows how much I wanted to touch your head, hug you, hug you, and hug you again.
But I can't love you anymore.
Because I can't say it anymore.
At this moment, facing my impending death, I closed my eyes and prayed sincerely.
If, if, if …
If there is a next life, if we can meet again. Please don't take away my memory, let me remember her forever.
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