Xu Guangqi suddenly began to doubt himself.
I … … am I really a useless person?
A useless person who only knows how to eat?
What is my use? Why did I come here? Why did I do all these things?
What answers do I seek here? What path do I seek here? What are my considerations for coming here? I, did I really make this kind of decision after careful consideration?
This … … is this really the decision I made?
Why did I make such a decision?
Xu Guangqi's mind was in a state of chaos.
But …
There was one thing that Xu Guangqi had never doubted or wavered about.
He was not a useless person.
He was a useful person, someone who forced himself to be useful and someone who would surely contribute to the country.
This was something that Xu Guangqi had never doubted or neglected.
"I … … I am not a useless person … …"
Although Xu Guangqi's expression was crumbling and his body was trembling, he continued to use this state to express his belief to Xiao Ruxun.
"I am not a useless person, I … … I am a useful person … … my body, is … … is a useful body!"
Xu Guangqi raised his hand and held onto Xiao Ruxun's wrist.
"Oh?"
Xiao Ruxun's lips curled into a ridiculing smile.
"Useful person? I do not know what you mean by useful and useless. I only know that in this military camp, in this battlefield, the useful person to me is someone who dares to pick up a weapon and kill the enemy! That is a useful person! But you! Are not! "
"Not at all! I am a useful person! I, Xu Guangqi, am a useful person! I have sworn before! I must become a useful person! I want to serve the country! I want my name to go down in history! "
Xu Guangqi suddenly roared out.
"Then pick up this gun and go kill a Northern Barbarian for me to see! Prove that you are a useful person! If you want to serve the country, then go kill the enemy! This is serving the country! "
Xiao Ruxun's roar was louder than his.
"I … I …"
Xu Guangqi's breath was trembling. He panted heavily, and his sight moved from Xiao Ruxun's face to the flintlock that he had thrown away.
"I am a useful person. My body is a useful body. I will never, never become a useless person …"
"If that's the case, then pick up your gun and show me how to kill a Northern Barbarian. Otherwise, no matter who you are, no matter how far you can go, you will always be useless in my eyes. Forever!"
The moment Xiao Ruxun let go, Xu Guangqi collapsed to the ground. His body was limp, and so were his legs.
The flintlock was within his reach.
He stretched out his hand and touched the ice-cold body of the spear. A deep chill suddenly engulfed his entire body. He couldn't help but retract his hand, but halfway through, his hand stopped.
Am I useless?
Yes, right now, in this place, there is no doubt that I am the most useless one. I don't know what I should do, I don't know what I can do, I don't know what I can do.
Even the seemingly simple act of picking up a gun and killing someone, I can't do it.
Those are Northern Barbarians. They are the Northern Barbarians who have been killing the people of Daming for a long time. They are my enemies. Even so, can't I do it?
I am a scholar, I am a High Scholar, but I am also a Han, a citizen of Daming. I am a man, a man. Don't tell me that I don't even have the courage to pick up a gun and kill an enemy?
Xu Guangqi was extremely angry at the fact that in the books he read, no one taught him whether or not to kill, to kill the enemy.
Why is everything different from what I imagined?
Xu Guangqi lamented himself.
His hand slowly reached forward, touched the gun, and picked it up.
It was heavy in his hand, and so was his heart.
This heavy thing, how could he bear it?
Xu Guangqi took a few deep breaths and calmed his anxious and panicked heart. He picked up the gun.
He pointed the gun in front of him. At the place where the killing was taking place, there were constantly Northern Barbarians with their upper bodies tied up stumbling out to try and survive. There were also endless Ming Army soldiers who chased after them with bloodshot eyes.
His breathing became more and more hurried.
At this moment, a Northern Barbarian ran out, stumbling. Three Ming soldiers chased after him. In his panic, he didn't care where he was going and directly charged in the direction of Xu Guangqi.
Xu Guangqi instantly panicked. He took a few steps back and knocked into Xiao Ruxun. Xiao Ruxun pushed him forward.
"Kill him!"
The cold voice caused Xu Guangqi to shiver.
The Northern Barbarians continued to run in his direction, as if they didn't notice his existence. Xu Guangqi hurriedly raised his gun and pointed it at the Northern Barbarians whose face was covered in blood.
"Don't come over …"
Xu Guangqi's hand that held the gun trembled.
The Northern Barbarians definitely didn't hear him.
"Don't come over!"
Xu Guangqi's voice had a sobbing tone.
The Northern Barbarians still didn't hear him.
"Don't come over! Don't come over! Don't come over! Don't come over!!! "
Xu Guangqi suddenly stood up like a madman. His eyes were red as he stared forward. He raised the flintlock and aimed at the Northern Barbarians.
He pulled the trigger.
At the same time, the Northern Barbarians's eyes suddenly met Xu Guangqi's eyes. Their gazes intertwined.
Bang! A gunshot rang out.
With an almost unimaginable speed, the shot bullet hit the Northern Barbarians's head. The Northern Barbarians's head was instantly blown up by Xu Guangqi's shot. It exploded like a watermelon smashing into the ground.
Xu Guangqi stared blankly at the horrifying corpse.
The three Ming soldiers who were chasing the Northern Barbarians cursed and continued to rush into the prison camp.
Xu Guangqi was left alone to stare at the corpse in a daze. After a while, Xu Guangqi's body trembled and he threw the gun away. Then, he looked at his own hands and suddenly screamed a few times. Then, he collapsed to the ground and hugged his head as he curled up and cried bitterly.
Xiao Ruxun looked coldly at Xu Guangqi, who was on the verge of collapse.
Li Rumei walked over silently.
"Governor, isn't it a little too hasty to deal with him like this? These scholars are very dense. He won't be able to take it if you suddenly ask him to kill someone. "
Xiao Ruxun shook his head.
"Ever since he came here, he has always considered himself as an outsider. He thinks highly of himself and sees himself as different from others. He treats this war like he's watching a show. If that's the case, what use do I have for him?
Perhaps my courtesy has given him this wrong impression. This kind of wrong impression is undesirable. Since he can't change it himself, I'll help him. If it still doesn't work, then I can only ask him to leave. I don't have a place for a freeloader. "
To be honest, he was very disappointed with Xu Guangqi's performance during this period of time.
Li Rumei nodded and scratched her face a few times.
"Oh, I see. That's true. It's just that he looks much uglier than the new soldiers. This is the first time I've seen someone cry like this after killing someone. Governor, he won't go crazy, will he?"
"If he goes crazy, then so be it. It only means that I've misjudged him. It's not a big deal."
Xiao Ruxun turned around and sat down on his seat.
"Governor, do you have any expectations of him? Although he's a Juren, it's not worth having such expectations. At least there are many who are better than a Juren. One look and I can tell that he didn't pass. "
Li Rumei didn't have a good impression of Xu Guangqi. It had always been like this.
"My expectations of him aren't simple. I hope that he'll be someone different. But I might have been too hasty. He hasn't seen what true cruelty is, what a true hypocrite is, and what painful choices are. He hasn't seen the rotten things that happen in the bureaucracy, and he hasn't changed. The current him is far from what I want."
Li Rumei didn't really understand what Xiao Ruxun meant.
"What does Governor intend to do? Send him back? "
Xiao Ruxun hesitated for a moment.
"Keep him and see what happens next. If he doesn't improve, send him back to his hometown! If he can't get past this, he'll be a cripple. "
"Yes, Governor!"
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