My name is Huang Jingyang. I was born on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month in 1992. I am the eldest son in my family.
I was born in a remote mountain village in the southwest. When I was born, my father was working outside. Before I was one year old, my mother followed him to work. After many years, children like me were called left-behind children.
In our village, if the first child was a girl, they could have a second child. Like my family, the first child was a boy, so they were not allowed to have a second child. When I was young, I was no different from other children. I only heard from my grandparents that I liked to cry at night. Crying didn't seem to be a big problem. My grandmother often said that I was supposed to be a girl, but I was born in the wrong body.
When I was five years old, I went to the mountains to herd cows with my grandfather. We picked up a round metal piece from the mountains. From that day on, my life started to become a little strange.
That metal piece was very rusty. When I picked it up, I couldn't see the words and pictures on it. When I got home, I rubbed off the rust on the outside. The inside was actually yellow. The pictures on it were very strange. When I looked at it, it was as if I was sucked in by the pictures. From that day on, I became different from other children.
"Ah, Yang Yang, why have you become a little strange recently? You don't go out to play. "Grandma was the first to notice my abnormality.
"Maybe you miss your parents. They don't even come back once a year. After raising a son, you still have to raise a grandson. This world, sigh! "Grandpa didn't really care.
At that time, I couldn't hear anything at all. The pattern on the piece of metal moved in my eyes. I saw the boundless sky, the vast earth, the thunder from the Ninth Heaven, the gentle breeze, the fierce wind, the majestic mountain range, the sometimes calm as a mirror, the sometimes turbulent rivers and lakes, the water turning into gas, the gas condensing into water, the water condensing into ice and snow, the raging fire ….
And all the sounds and colors of life had disappeared from my mind. Grandma anxiously shook my body, but I couldn't feel it. Grandpa anxiously called my name, but I couldn't hear it.
My parents, who hadn't been home for many years, also hurried back. They carried me everywhere for medical treatment, but I still couldn't feel it.
Nobody knows what's wrong with me.
Someone in the village said that I was possessed. Grandpa noticed that I was holding a piece of metal in my hand. There were some frightening patterns on it. He wanted to snatch the piece of metal away from me.
Although I know nothing about the outside world, I only care about this piece of metal as if it were my life. I wailed and clung to the piece of metal.
Grandma couldn't bear to see me cry like that, so she didn't allow Grandpa to take away the metal piece that I treasured like my life.
Mom and Dad took me to all the hospitals in the county to have a check-up. They turned all the money that they worked so hard to earn into a pile of useless train tickets and bills, but I still didn't wake up. Regardless of whether it was the hospital in the county or the provincial hospital, they all said that my body was normal except for some problems with my brain.
I'm not sick at all. How can the doctor explain it clearly?
Grandpa and Grandma went around praying to the gods and Buddhas. They found some Yin and Yang people in the village to perform rituals for me. How can these people who pretend to be gods and ghosts possibly deal with me? Half a year later, the family's savings were almost used up. Grandpa, Grandma, Dad and Mom had completely given up on me.
After the rice harvest in June, the family sat on the paddy field to enjoy the cool air. I was still staring blankly at the piece of metal in my hand.
"Give birth to another one!" Grandpa sucked hard on the tobacco rod in his hand. The flame flickered in the night.
Grandma looked at me with heartache and couldn't help but cry, "My good grandson, how did you become like this?"
Mom and Dad didn't say anything.
After the double robbery, Mom and Dad went south to work again. They didn't come back during the Chinese New Year. The next year, they gave me a younger brother. They were worried that he would be negatively affected by me, so they never brought him back. After the younger brother was born, Grandma went there to bring him back. Only Grandpa and I were left at home.
Although I couldn't respond to everything, I could see everything. It was just that in my eyes, it was like a movie and I was just a spectator. This feeling was very strange. But most of the time, my mind was still immersed in the picture on the piece of metal. In the center of the piece of metal, there was a picture of a Yin and Yang fish that kept spinning.
After Grandma left, all the farm work in the family fell on Grandpa. In addition to farm work, Grandpa also had to take care of me. I was easy to deal with, I could eat, drink, sleep, and even go to the toilet as long as Grandpa said so.
Because it was too strange for me to become like that. The villagers didn't dare to let their children play with me. Even my own parents didn't dare to let my younger brother see me, let alone others.
When Grandpa went to work in the field, he put me on the ridge and put a small stool. I could sit on the ridge for half a day. There was an umbrella with a wooden stick next to me to give me shade. Then Grandpa went to work in the field. Grandpa was a capable person in the village, he was an expert in all kinds of fields.
When the wind blew, the umbrella was too strong and tilted to one side. The hot sun was on my body, but I didn't feel it. My eyes were mostly staring at the piece of metal in my hand.
Grandpa only noticed my situation after he finished his work and quickly ran over. He was shocked to find that I was completely fine, there wasn't a single drop of sweat on my head. The clothes on my body were cold, it didn't seem like I was exposed to the sun. The ground I was sitting on was actually cool.
Grandpa didn't say anything, he closed the umbrella and pulled me up. "Let's go home, let's go home."
When the villagers met me, they would always ask about my situation. "You haven't spoken in two years, right?"
"Two years! Sigh! "Grandpa would always sigh.
At that time, I fell into a very strange state. I felt that there was a special connection between Heaven, Earth, Thunder, Wind, Mountain, Swamp, Water, and Fire. There was a kind of energy that connected these forms together. Later, I learned that this kind of energy was called vitality.
It was almost the New Year, other people's houses were lively, but our house was cold and cheerless. At home, only Grandpa and I were at home. During the New Year, Mom and Dad called and said that the old home was too cold, they were afraid that my brother would catch a cold. Mom and Dad were going to work overtime during the New Year, and Grandma was going to take care of my brother. The return trip was expensive. So, only Grandpa and I were at home this New Year.
Grandpa wasn't very happy, but he never lost his temper in front of me. He just sullenly smoked his pipe. The villagers had already smoked filter cigarettes, but Grandpa still didn't throw away his pipe.
"Second Uncle, Seventh Brother asked me to bring two hundred kuai back for you to buy some New Year supplies." The one who spoke was Thirteenth Uncle Huang Chenggao, who worked in the south with my parents. Thirteenth Uncle came back yesterday. Thirteenth Uncle is one of my uncles from the same family as me. Thirteenth Uncle and my dad had the same great-grandfather. There were a total of sixteen uncles from the same great-grandfather's generation. My dad was the seventh. In my generation, I'm ranked tenth. There were even more people in my generation, more than twenty.
Grandpa's face wasn't very good these days, but seeing Thirteenth Uncle come over, he forced a smile on his face.
"Thirteenth. Your Seventh Brother only asked you to bring two hundred kuai? He didn't bring anything else for the child? "
"Second Uncle, look at what you're saying. If Seventh Brother brought something back, how could I be corrupt? He only brought two hundred kuai, nothing else. "Thirteenth Uncle laughed.
"I didn't say you were corrupt. The two of them only had a little one, so the older one isn't human? "Grandpa's face turned green.
"We left in a hurry, so we told Seventh Brother at the last minute. Seventh Brother gave me two hundred kuai. Which parent doesn't care about their son? "Thirteenth Uncle obviously wasn't telling the truth. He couldn't fool my grandpa. Thirteenth Uncle glanced at me and said embarrassedly, "Look at my memory, when we came out, I didn't think to get some candy for Yang Yang."
"This child has sinned (pitiful), whether it's sweet or bitter, it's all the same in his mouth. It's fortunate that he's like this, he doesn't know who's bad to him. "Grandpa's dry eyes became a bit wet.
Thirteenth Uncle was very embarrassed, he casually said a few words, then left in a hurry.
Because of me, no matter if it was adults or children in the village, they didn't come to our house. After all, who would dare to have anything to do with a lively child who had such an evil thing happening to him? In the village, I was an ominous person.
At night, sobbing sounds came from grandpa's room.
All this is in my sight and in my ear. But I didn't feel happy, nor did I feel sad. I just coldly watched everything unfold.
White clouds leisurely, green mountains far away, and gurgling water. Everything was like smoke.
The next day, early in the morning, grandpa pulled me to the street.
Although I didn't respond to any of my family's calls, I would always mechanically do whatever they told me to do.
Grandpa and I walked silently on the main road, it always felt strange.
"Your grandson is really obedient, he didn't make a fuss or make a fuss on the way here. If it was my grandson, he would have already flown all over the sky. "An old man on the same road couldn't help but say.
"My grandson is like this." The smile on grandpa's face was very stiff.
At this time, someone next to the old man muttered a few words in his ear, the old man glanced at me with a strange expression.
Good things don't go out, but bad things spread far and wide. There weren't many people in the surrounding villages who didn't know about my situation.
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