Wan 'er took the bowl and left the room. Fan Xian looked at Sisi lying at the head of the bed and warmly said, "Rest well."
Usually, Sisi slept in the outer room of the master's bedroom in the back of the manor. However, the doctor had suddenly seen that she was pregnant. Lady Liu had made the decision to clear out a few comfortable rooms for her to move in.
Fan Xian turned his head to look at the furnishings in the room and felt secretly grateful to Lady Liu. He then looked at Sisi's slightly pale and sallow face and felt slightly apologetic. In a quiet voice, he said, "It was my fault to be the last person to know."
As the head of the family, Fan Xian should show a warm side and a happy side. He should say some nice things to calm the pregnant woman. However, he had only said a few words before he choked. He looked stupidly at Sisi's face and couldn't speak for a moment.
After a moment of silence, Sisi's eyes reddened slightly. She bit her lip and said, "Young master, I can see that you're not happy."
"How so?" Fan Xian jumped in fright and forced a smile. "It was too sudden. I wasn't mentally prepared at all."
He held the girl's hand and slowly squeezed it. Smiling slightly, he said, "In my heart, you are still that girl who has always stood by my side grinding ink and adding incense. I always feel that it hasn't been long since we left Danzhou … yet you are about to become the mother of a child."
"We've already left Danzhou for three years, my muddle-headed young master."
Sisi's tears turned into a smile. She half leaned on the bed and gazed at him with a gentle gaze. Regardless of whether it was when they lived together in Jiangnan or after formally entering the family in Danzhou, she still habitually called Fan Xian young master and had not changed it.
"Even if I become an old man, I'm still not mentally prepared." Fan Xian patted her hand tenderly. "Being a father is indeed a bit scary."
"Young master knows everything … besides, giving birth is a woman's business."
"Knows everything? Giving birth is a woman's business, but teaching a child is a man's business … raising a child into an adult is much more difficult than writing poetry and killing people. "
Fan Xian laughed at himself. He reached his hand into the blankets and carefully stroked Sisi's slightly bulging belly. He couldn't help but blame himself. "Earlier, father said it's already been four months … why didn't you tell me? Even if you were shy, you should have told the mistress."
Sisi felt the palm moving on her abdomen, and her cheeks reddened. She pulled the blanket up to her neck and said with slight fear, "I'm afraid … I'm afraid it's fake."
"How can it be real or fake when I'm pregnant?" Fan Xian closed his eyes and felt the rise and fall under his palm. A complicated emotion rose in his heart. There was joy, fear, and a slight sourness. Was that his child in her belly?
He really couldn't accept the fact that he was going to be a father for a while. That kind of fear actually overwhelmed the joy. Fortunately, his mind was clear at this time, and he could still show it in front of Sisi. Otherwise, Sisi, who was a new mother, would definitely hate him.
Fan Xian scratched his head with a slight headache. "What should I do now?"
Sisi couldn't resist laughing out loud. "Young master, of course, you should eat and sleep when you should. I can't have you watch over me every day just because I'm pregnant."
Fan Xian suddenly stretched out his hand and gently pulled Sisi's wrist over. Placing his finger on it, he closed his eyes and tilted his head to listen closely to the pulse.
Wan 'er happened to walk in. Seeing her husband taking Sisi's pulse, she opened her large eyes and asked curiously, "Is it a man or a woman?"
Fan Xian slowly moved his finger away and said with a smile, "How could it be so easy to tell? Do you think my finger is an ultrasound?"
…
…
"Must?" Wan 'er and Sisi heard this new word and furrowed their brows at the same time, unable to understand.
Fan Xian coughed and reminded Sisi of the things she had to pay attention to, particularly not to catch a cold. He then walked to the door and called for the wife of the Teng family. He gave some detailed instructions. Of course, he had to find healthy servants and women. As for the food, he didn't just blindly eat large amounts of fish and meat. He only picked out a few nutritious dishes.
"Is there goat milk in the manor?"
The wife of the Teng family nodded excitedly. Sisi was pregnant with the first grandchild of the Fan family, so the servants couldn't help but be excited.
Receiving a positive answer, Fan Xian said, "One bowl a day. It has to be boiled."
Inside the room, Sisi nestled against Wan 'er's side and said unhappily, "I don't like to drink goat milk."
Lin Wan 'er thought about it. When she was being treated for her lung disease, she had also been forced to drink goat milk by Fan Xian every day. The smell was truly unbearable. She couldn't resist smiling toward the door and saying, "Is this goat milk an immortal pill?"
Fan Xian turned his head and smiled. "Although it is not an immortal pill, it is indeed good stuff. However, the smell is a bit strong. Sisi, you have to endure it and keep drinking it."
Lin Wan 'er suddenly thought of the method Siqi had thought of at the time and happily said, "Let Siqi do this. I don't know if she put almonds or jasmine tea in it. There's a faint astringent taste, but it takes away all the smell."
Hearing that Siqi was going to serve her food and drink, Sisi, who was lying on the bed, felt uneasy. She was originally a serving girl with the same status as Siqi. Now that she was pregnant, her treatment had suddenly increased so much. She truly didn't dare to accept it. She was afraid that everyone in the manor would gossip about her, so she unconsciously wanted to open her mouth to refuse.
Fan Xian waved his hand and said, "There isn't that much empty courtesy in the back manor. When you were a serving girl, I still had to massage your back … I'll let Siqi work a bit harder. I just don't know if this method will work."
Sisi's face reddened. She found that with a flash outside the door, Siqi's proud face had appeared. The girl smiled and said, "Of course, this method will work. At that time, I was the one who made the lady's goat milk every day. You just had to use gauze to filter out the tea dregs."
Wan 'er smiled and glared at her. "Look at how proud you are."
Sisi insisted on calling Fan Xian young master, and Siqi insisted on calling him Lady Wan 'er. In this house, there was a master and mistress, as well as two serving girls. The way they addressed each other was strange. Perhaps only a man like Fan Xian, who had the experience of his previous life, would not care about the so-called status. Fortunately, these three girls could all cooperate with his footsteps. This was a good thing.
"Usually, you have to bask in the sun more. Don't believe the nonsense of those midwives. If you don't get some air, you'll suffocate to death in the room." Fan Xian suddenly thought of something and spoke very seriously to the Teng family's wife and Wan 'er. He knew that if Lady Liu suddenly became old, only these two people would be able to speak up for Sisi.
"Pah pah …" The Teng family's wife quickly spat and said, "Today is a joyous occasion. How can you say that word?"
Fan Xian couldn't be bothered with her and said to himself, "Vegetables and fruits have to be guaranteed. This cannot be missing." He turned his head and said to Sisi, "When you can't eat, you still have to eat … some snacks. Have the girls go make them."
"Alright, alright." The Teng family's wife was thick-skinned. Minding her own business, she covered Fan Xian's mouth and said, "In the end, you are the first. In the future, you will have hundreds of children and thousands of grandchildren. If the young master is always so nervous and long-winded, he will torment us servants to death."
… …
Fan Xian comforted Sisi with a few more words and told her a few jokes to relax her nervous state of mind. He then took Wan 'er's little hand and left the room. The two of them wandered around the back garden. Along the way, they saw a few capable servants of the manor rushing over. When they saw them, they quickly bowed respectfully. However, a glimmer of awkwardness occasionally appeared in their expressions.
"What are they going to do?" Fan Xian furrowed his brows and asked.
Wan 'er smiled and said, "They are all going to congratulate Sisi. Seeing me … of course, they will feel awkward."
"Awkward about what?" Fan Xian was not stupid to this extent. He was just worried that Wan 'er truly had a knot in her heart, so he purposely asked.
Wan 'er glared at him and leaned her head on his shoulder. In a quiet voice, she said, "What do you think?"
Fan Xian patted her chubby cheek and asked with a slight smile, "Then, are you really happy or just pretending to be happy?"
Wan 'er's childish face still had the calmness of a housewife. She still said the same three words, "What do you think?"
…
…
"Am I really that nervous?" Fan Xian held Wan 'er's hand and walked to a stone bench by the side of a fake mountain to sit down. He held Wan' er on his lap. It was quiet here. There were no servants passing by. Wan 'er was slightly embarrassed, so she let him be.
"You're not careful enough to freeze yourself," Wan 'er grumbled.
Wan'er grumbled. She suddenly remembered what he had asked her. After thinking for a while, she raised her head and looked at him with her watery eyes. After a while, she said seriously, "That is what I wanted to ask you. Why do you look so unhappy? And … you seem nervous and afraid … What are you worried about? Are you really worried about my feelings? You should know that I am not that kind of person. "
Fan Xian shook his head and smiled as he tightened his arms around her. After thinking for a moment, he said, "I also don't know. Perhaps I really am not mentally prepared to be a father."
"What do I need to prepare?" Wan 'er had long gotten used to her husband's habits of thinking that were not very similar to the men of this world.
"For example … can I create a good environment for the next generation to grow up in?"
Wan 'er smiled slightly and said, "Let's not think too far ahead right now. What I am more curious about is whether the child in Sisi's stomach is a boy or a girl."
"Didn't we say earlier …"
"Yes, you don't have a certain chance of success."
"The use of a certain chance of success is very clever."
"Then, do you like a boy or a girl?"
"A girl," Fan Xian said decisively.
Lin Wan 'er looked at him with some confusion. A moment later, she seemed to understand something. She sighed and said, "No wonder you weren't so happy after knowing you had a child … presumably, you feel that Sisi is no longer a girl."
Fan Xian was confused and asked in a daze, "Why do you think so?"
"Girls are pearls. Once they have children, they will gradually grow old and become the eyeballs of a fish. You … like pearls. Even if you don't play with them, you can look at them." Lin Wan 'er smiled merrily. "This is something you once wrote yourself. Don't deny it."
Fan Xian smiled self-mockingly. This was Grandmaster Cao's view. Although it was similar to his own … this was not the true reason why he was still unable to feel joy when he learned he would have children.
…
…
"Even if I have to become the eyeballs of a fish, I still want to have children for you." Lin Wan 'er stared at him in a daze and gently bit her lower lip. She spoke gently but forcefully.
Fan Xian smiled and nodded. Suddenly, his expression became serious. "I know there are some rather strange rules in this world. For example, children born to concubines have to call the main wife their mother. There are even those who were raised by the main wife and rarely get to see their own mother."
Lin Wan 'er looked at him and furrowed her brows slightly. She vaguely guessed what he was going to say.
"Although all the large families in the world are like this," Fan Xian looked at her seriously, "we don't want to be like this."
It was not a request or a demand. It was a notice that could not be refused. It was no.
Fan Xian originally didn't want to say such serious words at a time like this and disturb Wan 'er's already difficult to suppress sour feelings. In his previous life, when he was watching the door of a large manor, he had been frightened badly by Sister Gao Wa's role as the bastard of a middle-aged fish.
Lin Wan 'er nodded. A glimmer of sadness flashed through her eyes. Slowly, she said, "I understand what you mean."
"Don't be sad." Fan Xian was silent for a moment. He then smiled and said, "You've seen all the improvements I've made to the medicine during this half a year in Hangzhou. Most importantly … tomorrow, Sir Fei is coming. Since he dares to come see us, naturally, he has something good to give us."
The delicate body in his arms suddenly shook. Lin Wan 'er looked at his eyes in disbelief and said with pleasant surprise, "It's true."
Although this news made Wan 'er happy, Fan Xian knew that his merciless words had still hurt her heart. However, for the sake of Sisi and the child in her womb, he had to say it first. He sighed gently. First, there was indeed something stifling in his heart that needed to be released. Second, in his previous life, Sir Jin had once used this trick on Xiaobao in The Deer and the Cauldron. It had never failed against girls.
As expected, Wan 'er saw his serious expression and immediately pushed aside the small hidden bitterness in her heart. She asked with concern, "What is it?"
"Earlier, you also saw that after learning of Sisi's pregnancy, I wasn't very happy. On the contrary, I was a bit scared …" Fan Xian lowered his head as if he wanted to find support and comfort in his heart from his wife's breathing.
"Actually, there are a few reasons."
The first reason was that he was worried that Wan 'er would be sad from touching this scene. This reason had been lightly mentioned earlier. As for the second reason, it was actually very simple.
"I am a person without a father," Fan Xian said with a slight smile. "Although I have a father, or even two fathers, when I was in Danzhou, I didn't have either. Furthermore, the real one seems to have never been my father."
It was a difficult sentence to pronounce, but Wan 'er understood it. She glanced around cautiously to make sure that no one else would hear these words.
"Father treats me very well, but you understand, in the end, this is not the same thing. As for the one in the Palace … ever since Danzhou came to Jingdou, I've seen through him. Even your Crown Prince and Second Prince are driven around like donkeys, much less an illegitimate child like me. "
"I am a person without a father," Fan Xian repeated with emphasis. "That is why I am very afraid that I won't be a father. That is why my first reaction earlier was fear and unease."
In his previous life, Fan Xian didn't have parents. In this life, he also didn't have parents. Even worse, in his previous life, it was the heavens that were terrible. In this life, it was his parents that were terrible. In the depths of his heart, he had always thought that when it came to educating his children, his mother did a terrible job. It made him very sad.
In both of his lives, he had been lacking in this area. It had cast a great shadow on his heart. Perhaps he hadn't noticed it in the past, but now, the good news from the Fan manor completely revealed his dark side. He unconsciously refused to admit that he wanted to be a father.
Lin Wan 'er looked at him with a face full of pity.
"My mother also doesn't love me," Fan Xian said woodenly. "Perhaps you don't believe it, but … she really doesn't love me."
Unable to love, or not love? The world always thought that Ye Qingmei was Fan Xian's mother, but only he knew that after being reborn into this world, he only had curiosity and an indescribable feeling for that distant woman. But as he gradually grew up, the people around him constantly talked about that once dazzling woman, and the things around him constantly talked about that woman's past. The marks around him constantly reminded Fan Xian of that woman's existence.
Over time, Fan Xian, who had never received a mother's love in his previous life, finally got used to this. He began to gradually accept that his mother was Ye Qingmei, and he began to feel attached to that name. Perhaps because of the strongest bond between mother and son, the two lonely souls of the transmigrator were connected.
He admitted this, and in that cave in the Western Mountains of Northern Qi, in front of Xiao En, he personally said these words.
But after reading the letter in the box, Fan Xian, who knew many of the stories of the past, had to tell himself that Ye Qingmei did not love him. It was not referring to this soul from another world, but rather, she did not have much love for this son of flesh. He had inherited Ye Qingmei's Qingyu Hall of the Overwatch Council's palace treasury, the connections of the past, and close comrades, but she did not purposely leave these things to him. And even if she did leave them to him, so what?
"My mother doesn't love me," Fan Xian said calmly. "Otherwise, she wouldn't have abandoned me and left on her own."
Lin Wan 'er wanted to comfort the somewhat absent-minded Fan Xian, but she didn't know where to start. She, who had grown up in the palace, knew very well what a dazzling figure her mother-in-law was.
"It's not just because of this." Fan Xian furrowed his brows as he thought. When the box was opened, he was a bit disappointed because the letter was left for Uncle Wu Zhu and not for him. The contents of the letter, in particular, made him even more disappointed.
"She called me a bastard son," he said with a smile. "And she didn't leave me a single word … she just left."
"This kind of indifference, this kind of calmness, appears to be so calm as to be absurd." Fan Xian furrowed his brows and thought of his romantic past. He always felt that perhaps his birth had always been an absurd matter.
He continued to speak, but Wan 'er felt a chill in her heart as she listened.
"She didn't tell me how to survive in such a dangerous world. She didn't tell me who was worthy of trust. She didn't tell me how I should eat my food or how I should love my wife. "
Fan Xian smiled. "She had great love for the people of the world, yet she didn't pay much attention to her own children. Isn't this very shameful? Perhaps only such a shameful mother would give birth to such a shameful son like me. "
After saying this, Fan Xian coughed gently. Lin Wan 'er came down from his legs and pounded his back.
Fan Xian waved his hand and smiled. "That was close. Fortunately, there was still father …" He pointed in the direction of the front yard and said, "There was also grandmother and those two strange old men. Otherwise, I don't know what would have happened to me in this life."
Fan Xian had always been a very self-restrained and cautious person. He didn't have much time to be emotional like he was today. Lin Wan 'er had been unable to get a word in. Seeing that he was gradually moving away from only sighing, she simply smiled and looked at him, listening to his inner monologue.
"Listen to me sing a song," Fan Xian suddenly said very seriously.
Lin Wan 'er nodded. She was a bit curious. What kind of song would a grown man sing?
Fan Xian opened his lips and began to sing. His clear voice carried a bit of sadness. His voice was not good, but this song was particularly sad. In the sadness, there was also a bit of hope. It was like a child propping up his chin under the eaves after the rain, waiting for his mother's return. It was like a little figure of white cloth under the eaves being battered by the wind and rain, fluttering in the wind and rain. It was completely powerless, only held by that string. It was indescribably sad, yet it gazed into the distance.
…
…
The song ended.
"What does that mean?"
Fan Xian was singing a language Lin Wan 'er had never heard of. The pronunciation of the words was a bit strange.
"The general meaning of the lyrics is very simple. It's probably …
Mother, how are you?
Yesterday I was on the branches of a fir tree
I saw a bright star
The star gazed at me
Just like Mother, very gentle
I said to the star
Must be able to withstand setbacks
Are you a boy
If you feel lonely
I will come and talk
Maybe one day.
Then so be it. Looking forward to your reply
Mother,
One rest
One rest
One rest
…
Mother, how are you?
The kitten in the temple yesterday
Was taken away by the people of the nearby village
The kitten cried
Tightly hugged the mother cat
I said it
Don't cry
You won't be lonely
Are you a boy?
You will see Mother again
One day certainly
Then so be it. Looking forward to your reply
Mother,
One rest
One rest "
…
…
Fan Xian smiled and looked at Wan 'er, whose eyes were already red. "It sounds good, doesn't it?"
"Yes." Wan 'er snorted and asked, "Is Yixiu the child who wrote the letter? How pitiful. "
"Yes, a very smart child who can't live with his mother," said Li Yundong. Fan Xian smiled and said, "He's very similar to me … except that he can write a letter and mail it to an address. But if I write a letter, where can I send it?"
"What's the name of this song?"
"Mother."
— — — —
In the quiet bedroom, Fan Xian took out a key and gently opened the outermost layer of the long black chest. Then, he used a steady finger to press it a few times. Suddenly, he began to miss Wu Zhu.
Slowly, he took out the metal instrument and the thin letter. Fan Xian didn't look at it, because he was already too familiar with the contents of the letter.
He only stared at the third layer of paper, the piece of paper that looked like it could be blown away by the wind at any moment. On the paper was Ye Qingmei's straight handwriting.
"Hey! If it's Wu Zhu … tell me honestly, who are you? "
Just like that rainy night, Fan Xian's lips moved slightly. "I'm your son."
"How did you open this chest?"
"If it's not my daughter, then it's my son. You can look at what's below when you kill someone. Remember! "
…
…
He opened the third layer and took out the item from inside. Glancing at the words on it, he couldn't help but laugh bitterly. He said to himself, "It really is an abortion drug. I say, mother … can't you be more creative with your pranks?"
He was silent in the room for a long time. Then, he raised his head and, with a confident smile, said seriously to the chest, "Mother, I've killed someone, but I won't use this thing. You're always used to treating everything as a joke, so in the end, you left me very laughably. But I'm different. I will work hard to survive in this world. As for my daughter or son … please believe me, I will take good care of them … at least, I will do better than you. "
…
…
(Let me say this first: I sympathize with Wan 'er. In the future, things will get better. Believe me.
Some people guessed that they were going to open the third layer. At first, most people guessed that it was Durex and the emergency contraceptive pill … I can only say that everyone's imagination has surpassed my or Xiao Yezi's talent for pranks. I am very impressed.
Today's chapter has so many words because I have always wanted to write a paragraph. What should I write? It's not Fan Xian's psychological shadow, but rather his feelings for Ye Qingmei. It's the kind of hidden bitterness that should arise when one is truly recognized as a son … Mother doesn't love me. I've put this note in the draft for over half a year. I've always wanted to write it. Today, I finally wrote it. Very good.
That song is my favorite song. It's the ending song of Yixiu. It's by Fujita Shuko's mother. It can be searched on Baidu. Those who haven't heard it should listen to it. It's really good. This is also why I've always said that Fan Xian must sing it in the draft.
The abortion pill was Ye Qingmei's original weapon, but Fan Xian's existence proved that she had never used it. Then, she treated it as her most important inheritance in this world and passed it on to her descendants. It was more important than the Overwatch Council and the palace treasury … From this, it can be seen that she loved her bastard of a son. Fan Xian must clearly understand this.
These words and the song were not in the word count. The monthly votes were still in double. Although the second son's voice was not pleasant to hear, he was very handsome. He was indescribably happy. He asked everyone to continue to support him. He was very grateful.
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