I know that recently, everyone has a lot of opinions about my speed, and I rarely appear to communicate with everyone. I'm deeply sorry, and I also feel ashamed of my decadence and lack of progress. Today, I'm in an inn in Lijiang, tossing and turning in bed. I can't fall asleep, so I got up to talk to everyone about me, and also to let myself know my own weakness! Book *
Many readers think that I'm very old, but in reality, I'm just a young man in his early twenties. Everything that I have to bear is much more than the average person of my age.
I always show that I'm very strong in front of everyone, and then I keep holding on. No one knows how much hardship I have to go through. Just like when I was in primary school, I had a talent that I had practiced for a long time before I could learn it well, but when the teacher mentioned it in class, I was able to perform it extremely well. This made many people look at me in a different light, and felt that I was very talented. All the teachers in primary school had the same opinion of me, that I was too smart, and they took special care of me.
When I was in school, I played CS every day, Heroes of Might and Magic, Game King, 4WD, and Little Tyrant. In everyone's eyes, I was playing, but my grades were always better than them. That was because there were a few teachers in my family. When they were doing the questions for primary school's first grade, I already knew the questions for primary school's fourth grade like the back of my hand. Naturally, I became a very conceited person, and felt that there was nothing I couldn't do. As long as someone was better than me, I would do better than them. I would secretly compete with them. I cleared the levels as Soul Douluo without dying, Fist King 97 without dying once using any character, and so on. All the details were vivid in my mind, and this cycle kept repeating. It made people think that I was a genius, that no matter what I did, I could do better than others, and that I could learn faster than others. Their gazes made my vanity greatly satisfied. * Bubble! Book *
That's right, that's right. While others were still ignorant and didn't care much about these things, I was already acting tough. I was putting in effort, and others would never be able to see me, nor would I be seen as a noob. I could only show my awesome side.
Maybe it was because of my family's environment, but I couldn't get anyone's approval. My family's expectations of me were always strict. Why did I score 99 points, and not 100 points? Because I often scored 100 points, so even if I scored 100 points, they felt that it was normal. Other than that, there were other reasons that caused me to hate going to school. From this, everyone should be able to see what kind of person I am. This is my life for the past 21 years.
When I encountered something extremely unfair, extremely depressing, extremely wronged, I couldn't cry because no one would listen. I also didn't want anyone to know, no one, including my parents. After so many years, I had already forgotten what it felt like to cry. In the face of everyone's denial, I would only raise my head high and not argue. I would use my own actions to prove everything. Some were successful, some were failures.
There were many flaws in my body, so I constantly perfected myself and kept improving myself. Writing novels was also one of the methods I used to hone my character. It gave me excellent endurance, so that I would be filled with patience in everything I do in the future. Because life is a long-distance race, it's never-ending. After many things have been done, I have to learn to persevere. This is what I mentioned several times in my book.
To be honest, life hasn't been going well recently. After two years of running away in a relationship, separated by the Pacific Ocean and in a foreign country, I had no choice but to wait until night to write every day so that I could accompany her. I've always been a person who knows how to persevere. In the end, after persevering and persevering, due to various reasons, we broke up. Thus, night in China and day in America, this cycle repeats. I'm very sorry for making you wait so late.
I have always worked hard to fight for everything, but in the end, what I obtained was not what I wanted. What I lost was like my own soul. I lost my sense of direction. Perhaps many people can't understand this feeling of mine.
Until now, I still can't figure out what exactly I want. Perhaps many people will think that I'm useless. Indeed, I will start to learn to let go. Humans grow step by step, and emotions are also a part of it.
During this period of time, I have been constantly looking for things to do during the day, such as reading, shopping, and running around. Every night, I would always wait for my phone to vibrate, and my heart would feel especially empty. Because in the past, at this time, my heart would be filled with strength, a symbol of the direction I have to work hard towards. Now, I can only use countless things to fill my heart until I am extremely tired. Every day, I run five kilometers, not to train my body, but to tire myself out. That way, I can sleep better at night. I don't know how I endure all kinds of torture.
This is the state of my life at this stage.
During these days, some of the comments left by the readers have touched me. Although I only said a faint thank you every time, the joy in my heart surpasses everything else. I realized that even if I lose everything, I still have you. Thank you for your unrelenting support. At this stage, Devouring the Heavens isn't doing well, causing the results to be dispirited. I hope that everyone can understand. Those who are disappointed in me, whether they go to the forum or read, or whatever, I hope that you can all come back and bring back the results of Devouring the Heavens. Don't let me lose you all, at least let me know that you all still exist. I need to work harder, and not let myself be dispirited.
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