First of all, I apologize to everyone. In the past year, my updates have been terrible.
This is the third year after I turned thirty. To be fair, I have a lot to say and show off. The online literature industry is booming, and I earn more money. I don't have to worry about expenses like I did a few years ago. In 2017, I sold the copyright of "Son-In-Law" and started making movies. I won two awards. One was the silver award of the "Second Biennial Online Literature Awards", and the other was the "Mao Dun Online Literature Newcomer Award". I became the vice president of the Hunan Online Writers Association, participated in a few events, and accepted a few interviews. It can be said that my vanity is satisfied.
My life with my family is basically on the right track. We bought a two-month-old Border Collie puppy. The puppy was in our house for ten days. I was in a state of high tension. I couldn't sleep early, but I had to wake up early. I had to make food for the puppy, change its diapers, clean its poop, and teach it where to go to the toilet every day. The puppy was named Little Bear, and it was very cute.
The reason I bought this puppy was that my body had to start exercising. Last year, I realized that I could no longer do a chin-up. I had gallstones and a fatty liver, and there might be more problems. When I was immersed in writing for a long time, I rarely took time to exercise. Even after I realized the problem, intermittent exercise didn't solve much of the problem. Border Collies are dogs that exercise a lot. After one year old, they exercise about thirty kilometers a day. They can even run ninety kilometers. Before we bought it, we did not realize this problem. After we bought it, we did some research.
Fine, if everything goes well, this puppy will torment me for more than ten years. It will probably allow me to maintain a good body until I reach the other side of writing. Although I was tired every day for the past ten days, I realized that I could do a chin-up in the neighborhood park the night before yesterday … No matter what, this is my situation when I was thirty-three years old. As for whether it was all worth it, I can't measure it.
Puppies could finally go to the toilet in diapers, and they wouldn't make a fuss in cages. These two days, I squeezed out some time to make coffee and sit in front of the computer to write. I suddenly felt a sense of novelty that I hadn't felt in a long time. It was just like when I was in school. After class and homework, I would immerse myself in writing the beginning of a story in the free time between classes. I was full of longing for the beauty of literature.
At around nine o 'clock in the evening, I threw the puppy into the cage. Time didn't allow me to write a complete chapter about the son-in-law. I wrote a small opening and found it interesting. Then, I found a song that I hadn't heard for a long time. It was Wang Zheng's "Speaking to You." When I was writing "Incognito," I listened to this song over and over again. I imagined a mother looking at her child and softly humming her hopes for his future. But tonight, I suddenly saw myself.
"Like you, I don't know what the future holds.
I want to shield you from the wind and rain and confusion.
Let your sky see nothing but rainbows
Until one day, you become me … "
When I was in my teens, I had a love for literature. In my gradually darkening life, literature always gave me a temporary place to stay. In it, I saw a new world and experienced a new life. When I was in my early twenties, I gave up on university and wrote all kinds of novel things in between work. I read people's minds, and every time I figured something out, I would jump with joy.
I longed for Balzac, Hugo, Lu Xun, Lu Yao, Shi Tiesheng … I longed for every author who reached the realm of perfection. Like I said before, when "son-in-law" came out, people said I was ambitious. But I wasn't. My goal in the fourth grade was to write "War and Peace." Those who didn't have this kind of thinking couldn't understand me.
I'm 33 years old now. What's different from the past? I think it's because I can measure the distance between perfection and me. When I was in my teens and twenties, I only knew that I had to go somewhere. The distance was incomparably far, but I was full of fighting spirit and enjoyment. But as I gradually measured the distance between perfection and me, life and literature became harsher for me. Although I measured the distance, it didn't mean I could reach it in this lifetime. But every step after that, I could only tremble with fear.
Now, I look at my previous self who embraced literature in embarrassment, and I am very envious. I have a lot to say to him, but it was too fast. In the blink of an eye, he turned into me.
I thought that in the future, I would also turn into someone else.
Not long ago, someone sent me a private message on Weibo. It was a common message: This person thinks that my "Invikill" is the best, and he had a great time following me. He didn't like "son-in-law", so he went to post it, but it was deleted and banned. This person thinks that he really thinks "son-in-law" is trash, and he can't take it anymore. That's why he came to me … It seems like he's expecting some kind of answer from me.
After I took a look, I blacklisted him.
I never asked anyone to stay, and I never cared about who liked which book of mine. I didn't care about this kind of "sincerity", it was meaningless to me.
What was the truth?
Everyone of us is moving forward. The things I wanted to write when I was thirty would definitely be different from when I was twenty. The world I saw when I was thirty would definitely be different from when I was twenty. When I recalled my youth when I was forty, it would definitely be different from what was described in "Invikill". Some time ago, when I recalled "Invikill", I wanted to write about Gu Jiaming, Ye Lingjing, and Liu Huaisha when they were forty and fifty. It gave me a warm feeling in my mind.
In the end, I didn't write anything.
Time was too cruel. "Invikill" was already pretty good, there was no need to make people cry.
On Weibo, I had already become a different person from many others. The things I wrote were very serious, too different from when I was twenty years old. When I was twenty years old, I also liked relaxed and happy things, but now I don't write like that anymore. When I wrote a book, I broke apart some so-called big principles and crushed them into pieces. I wasn't usually this tolerant on Weibo, because Weibo was a place for me to pass time. I only followed my temper, and I was too lazy to care about the audience. In the course of my thinking gradually becoming incompatible with that of my simple-minded friend, I suddenly realized that perhaps one day I too would become like those stubborn old people, who would say things only they could understand, and lament the depravity of the world, and the hopelessness of people.
When that time comes, would I become profound, or would I become rotten? I think, it's also possible.
I can only guarantee that the direction I change in will definitely be through my repeated thinking.
I used to tell people that when "Son-In-Law" became popular, I could choose a super profitable direction. If my quality dropped and I updated every day, at that time, I would also convince myself that updating is the biggest responsibility to the readers, and then laugh at the lack of professional ethics of those who updated a few chapters a month. That "me" would definitely not think that there was anything wrong with me.
The current me, and the future me, would also be the same.
A person who liked "Invikill" eight years ago hoped that I would continue to write "Invikill" eight years later. It's a pity. When I was willing to write "Invikill", we met, and this was fate. When I wanted to write "Son-In-Law", it was fate that brought me together with other people. When I write my next book, it will also be fate that brought me together with some other people. Therefore, I never cared about these things. When my ideas are compatible, people come, and when they are not, they leave. Instead of thinking about serving tens of thousands of readers, I think I can only be myself. Therefore, as everyone can see, heh, I don't have too many fans, and I prefer to see it as fate that brought me together with similar interests.
The year 18 is almost here, and in the new year, the activities will probably be reduced as much as possible. I hope that I can finish "Son-In-Law" as soon as possible with the same enthusiasm as tonight. I hope that my body will get better, that my puppy will be obedient, that the goddess of literature will take care of me, and that everyone will be healthy and have everything go well.
Also: The simplified version of "Son-In-Law" has been submitted and is in the proofreading stage. It should be available in the bookstores in the year 18.
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