In the past, I did not read the book review section when I was stuck. Today, after confirming that I could not publish it, I went to Weibo. Someone said that the book review section was in a mess, and there were haters. I rushed over to delete the post and ban it. In the end, I killed one person. It was a pity.
Since I was here, I decided to make a post to let everyone know. There were some things that I could talk about.
As for the method of writing a book, it has been mentioned many times in and out of books. For me, the moment I think of a plot, the inspiration is not trustworthy. I do not record my inspiration like other authors. I think of many ideas every day. There are many inspirations. They may not be from the same book or the same theme. I will remember them in my heart. After a few days or months, I will think about them again. If an inspiration does not stay in my mind for a long time, it is not trustworthy because it means that it has not touched me enough.
There are many big inspirations in the book. They have been brewing since the beginning of the book. They have been brewing for a few years. The ending of the seventh episode is the most typical feeling. However, in the middle of a major plot, many things are uncertain. Every time I finish writing a major plot and start a new thread, I need to spend some time to prepare. I need to spend time thinking about the most recent thing every day. Usually, after preparing for a week or half a month or … even longer, some plots have already gone through several days of thinking about various aspects before they can be used. This is the main reason why I am currently stuck in writing.
To me, being stuck is a painful thing. It means that I have to work non-stop from the moment I wake up in the morning. This work is using my brain. My brain does not get any rest. I've said more than once that I'm the most hardworking author on Qidian. That's because there aren't many people who can surpass me in working hours. On the contrary, when I'm able to write a book, the period after updating is my time to relax. I can really get off work.
Of course, there are all kinds of writing states in the world. Every time I update, my popularity increases, and there are new people joining me. Of course, this is gratifying. However, at this time, there will be people saying this and that. How others write, how others write … But no matter what others say, I will write it.
Once, an author told me, "Banana, I like your writing style, I want to imitate your writing." Even I was astonished. It's like playing the zither. There are many masterpieces, and the standard of perfection is so clear. Why did you choose a half-baked piece as the standard? If one didn't have enough determination, one's achievements would be limited. I had seen those works that were almost perfect, from China's foreign countries, Lu Yao's Haruki Murakami's Shi Tiesheng's Hugo, Balzac's Tolstoy's. The standard was there. For a long time, I couldn't measure the distance between me and them. I only knew that there was no distance between us. When I constantly write, think, and try various expressions, now I know where the part I can train is. I need to expand, compress, deepen, and refine several times before I can roughly reach that line. Other people can do what they want, but that's none of my business.
For me, writing a book doesn't earn much money. Of course, it's more than a normal job. Now that I'm married, my wife and I still haven't saved enough money for the renovation of our new house. Sometimes, I told her, "I've lived through hard times. It's not that I don't understand reality, but the royalties I've earned are enough. If there comes a day when I really don't have enough, I can turn to earning money to write a book. As long as I have this possibility, I won't panic." Fortunately, my wife is always understanding.
Some people always say that hipsters are hipsters. Take Banana for example. He looks like he can become a god if he speeds up, but he can't speed up at all. If he speeds up, the quality will be lost. Perhaps that's the case, but honestly speaking, after writing for so many years, I'm very familiar with the methods to create the thrill that everyone wants to see. If I give up on the structure and expression, and just simply repeat them, it might not be that difficult. At most, I'll just change a group of readers. The possibility of earning ten or even a hundred times the current remuneration is actually right in front of me. It's probably more within reach than anyone else. I've always put it on this side.
I'm not saying this to show off, nor am I complaining. I just want to explain a simple thing. After I give up on these things, what else can make my book give in?
Not long ago, an old book friend who's probably been reading my book for a long time came to say that Banana has been playing games all day since he started playing Invikill. He doesn't care about writing books. He subscribes to my book, so I deleted his post and banned him. God is my witness. Over the years, the biggest problem for me was that I could no longer immerse myself in the game. The anxiety of writing a book made it impossible for me to immerse myself in anything. My mind couldn't relax at all. It wasn't a big deal when such a person came over and said that he understood. But of course, it was better to delete the thread and ban it.
When I went home to visit the grave on Qingming Day, I took a green car. When I posted a status on Weibo, someone came to question me and said that I was looking for an excuse to not update. It's also a pity that I never look for an excuse and just blacklisted them.
Writing books is too mentally taxing. A few years ago, I was still interested in debating. But now, I don't even have the energy to be open-minded.
So, as everyone can see, I'm not an easy author to get along with. On the internet, I like to be friends with ideas. I like posts with ideas. But since a few years ago, I no longer consider being a close friend on the internet. On the WeChat public platform, the only time I show such an attitude is when some high school students say that they don't want to go to university. I'll try to persuade them. But at other times, if someone acts like an idiot in front of me or harbors bad intentions, I'll delete, ban, or blacklist them. I won't give an equivalent response to such people. I'm referring to those who cause trouble in the book review section or those who act superficial in the book review section.
In recent years, some people have said that I have some talent in writing. I've never had any talent. When I was in school, my worst talent was in languages. But if there's anything that I'm proud of all these years, it's that I've worked too hard. I've put in so much effort that I can't even imagine! Writing this book, sometimes, I'm very happy. But most of the time, I'm very miserable.
But for now, this book can only be written in this way. I feel guilty for the readers who can understand me during this process, but I can't do anything about those who complain. Sometimes, readers say that I'll read a book for the rest of my life if you write it for the rest of your life. But that's not necessarily true. Maybe there will be a time when I can't live on anymore. I'll give up on my bottom line and change to a new group of readers to earn more money. Currently, I can walk like this because I can still hold on. I'm happy that I can hold on, but I'm also sorry that I can't.
When the road is too narrow, I take a step back. When it's a little wider, I still have to squeeze forward. The so-called life, after all, is such a narrow gap.
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