Shangguan Lingxiu came to Mistress Yang's grave and placed incense, candles, and other offerings. She opened a pot of wine but did not speak for a long time. She stood there quietly for a long time before she poured the entire pot of wine in front of the grave and said softly, "Sister Juan 'er, I miss you so much."
She sighed softly and said, "Rest in peace. I won't speak ill of Yang Botao in front of you. I hope that if your spirit is still here, come to my dreams. We sisters will talk again. "
She stood there, saying goodbye but she did not leave. Instead, she heaved a long sigh.
"All of you can leave now. Wait for me at the foot of the hill over there. Let me be alone here for a while."
The two guards responded and walked further and further away.
Watching as the guard left, Shangguan Lingxiu heaved another long sigh.
From Yun Yang's perspective, Shangguan Lingxiu seemed to have lost all her energy as she slowly sat down in front of Mistress Yang's grave.
"Sister Juan 'er, you're much older than me. It's overstepping my boundaries to call you sister, but this is the Shangguan Family's seniority. If I really call you auntie, auntie, it's not good … When we met the other day, you used your status as an older sister to tease me. If I were to be a generation lower than you, I'm afraid I'd be ruined by you."
Shangguan Lingxiu's beautiful face was tinged with a hint of nostalgia. She hugged her knees as she sat in front of the grave, a rare tenderness on her face. She looked unusually pitiful, with an inexplicable sense of loneliness. Apart from that, there was also a kind of feminine grace that appeared unexpectedly. Her charm was difficult to describe, difficult to draw, difficult to write and difficult to describe.
Yun Yang's heart skipped a beat as he watched the scene unfold before him.
It was the first time he had seen such gentleness and delicacy in this girl from a family of generals.
"When you were alive, I never spoke my mind when we chatted … Truth be told, I couldn't say it, and I couldn't say it … In this world, I have no one to confide in. I can only tell you now. I hope you won't blame me …"
"A few days ago, when we were talking, you told me to find a husband as soon as possible and settle your marriage …" Shangguan Lingxiu looked at the white clouds in the sky and said sadly, "I said then that I don't have such thoughts … You even tried to persuade me for a long time …"
"But the Shangguan Family of Generals is filled with old people and young people. I can still manage it. If I were to marry out … what would happen to these people at home?"
"You asked me if I have anyone I like … You said that a woman's life is only complete when she's married and has children. How could I not know that you're right? You're not the only one who said that. My grandmother, aunty, and mother have all told me the same thing …"
Shangguan Lingxiu mumbled softly, "But … the Shangguan Family can't do without me now … Although my grandmother and the rest still look strong and healthy, I know that they can't hold on any longer. Even if their bodies can still hold on, their hearts are already weary … I can feel a strong will to die from each and every one of them …"
"When the case of the Family of Generals was brought up again, even when the truth was revealed, it made their hearts even more disheartened. I used to think that a person's heart was as dead as death, but it turns out that a person's heart can really be this disheartened!"
"I'm the only one of the younger generation of the general now. I can't watch the Shangguan Family of Generals disappear just like that …"
"Even though I'm only a girl … I'm still a Shangguan after all …"
"I'm twenty-one this year … My friends who used to play with me are all married now and living happily. Sometimes, they'll bring their children to visit me at home … Those little fellows are quite cute … It's just that I …"
"As for someone I like … Which girl doesn't have someone they like? It's a pity that I …"
"Do you still remember Young Master Yun from the Marquis of Heavenly Clouds' family?" Shangguan Lingxiu's voice grew softer and softer. "He's really helped me a lot during this period of time … He's not the popinjay that the rumors say he is. He's a very, very good, very, very good man …"
"Yun Yang … is worthy of any girl's lifetime commitment …"
"Sister Juan 'er, you know me, I'm straightforward. If I wasn't a woman of the Shangguan Family, if my father and brothers were still here, I would've told him long ago. Whether it's a success or not, whether he likes me or not, I would've told him. If he doesn't like me, I'll let go and continue to like him on my own, but I won't force him to like me … If he likes me too, then we'll be together …"
"However, my identity doesn't allow me to do so. He's so excellent in his bones; he's so bright, so chivalrous, so courageous. I believe there must be many, many girls who like him … and I can't do anything but watch from afar. Perhaps one day, I'll watch him marry another girl and live happily ever after while I can only watch from afar … "
"My nephews are still young now. It'll take at least seven to eight years for them to grow up and be able to shoulder the burden of this family. By then … I'll be almost thirty …"
"In the Empire of Yutang, a lady who remains unmarried at the age of thirty … It seems like there are too few of them all these years … Even if I had not changed my mind then, how could I have expected him to be single? One should not have such an extravagant wish …"
"Sister Juan 'er … can you understand? The pain in my heart … "
Two soft pats could be heard as Shangguan Lingxiu's tears fell to the ground.
"No matter how strong I act, I'm still a woman after all …" Shangguan Lingxiu said softly, "You've once said that a woman will only be stronger when she has a place to return to in her heart. Only then will she know what happiness is … But all of this doesn't belong to me. To me, it's too far away …"
"Now that your fragrant soul has faded away, you can finally relax. You don't have to worry about anything in the future … No matter how bad Marshal Yang is going to be, you won't be able to hear it … Actually, the bitter days of your life will only last for a few days … After that, it will be over forever … Although such a life isn't perfect, it's enough to make others admire you.
"Because I have to continue holding on, to endure. I know that there's no end to it, but I have to grit my teeth and carry on. I have to pretend to be cold and hard in the eyes of others, just like a man … There's no one I can talk to about the weakness in my heart, there's no one I can rely on …"
"From today onwards, I won't say these words to anyone anymore …"
"I don't know how many people there are in this world. Every day, I'm in the crowd of Tiantang City, but I still feel so lonely. It's like I'm the only one in this world, walking alone."
"Alone, not knowing where my goal is, not knowing where the front is, not knowing where the end is … Day after day, I'm forever alone …"
"Sister Juan 'er … it's so hard."
Her voice gradually became softer and softer.
Only the soft sound of tears dripping onto the ground could be heard.
Yun Yang hid behind a tree, concealing himself, but he could not help feeling waves of bitterness wash over him.
Indeed, there had never been a woman in history who was as lonely and heavy as Shangguan Lingxiu was now. She was still trying her best to hold on; the entire family's responsibilities were all on this frail woman's shoulders …
She could not let it go, she could not move, she could not hold on, but she had to persevere … She walked forward with great effort.
There was no space or possibility for her to think about her marriage.
Thinking about it was just a fantasy!
Only when the younger generation of this family could truly stand tall could Shangguan Lingxiu be freed!
Yun Yang heaved a long sigh in his heart.
Time flew by quickly.
Half an hour passed just like that.
Shangguan Lingxiu stood up, her tall frame standing for a moment in melancholy. She then bowed solemnly and left. After a dozen steps and a turn, she took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. Suddenly, she puffed up her chest and left in large strides, regaining her usual demeanor as a noble lady from a family of generals.
She was like a general who had stepped onto the battlefield, so sharp and resolute!
Her footsteps were sonorous, full of vigor.
Watching Shangguan Lingxiu's slender silhouette disappear into the distance, watching as she faced the world with her cold arrogance and unyielding demeanor, Yun Yang watched silently, feeling waves of emotions in his heart.
This woman had not had it easy!
If Yun Yang had been an ordinary person, or if he had been a little more soft-hearted, he might have gone over to confess his love and even clapped. After all, that was human nature!
However, Yun Yang had remained silent and did not come out.
He did not know what he could say if he came out.
What could he do?
To be fair, Yun Yang had not thought about his marriage at all.
Based on this alone, Yun Yang could not even compare to Shangguan Lingxiu or Ji Lingxi. At least the two ladies knew what he wanted. At most, they had not acted on it due to certain restraints!
However, Yun Yang really had no thoughts!
Yun Yang had no thoughts about Ji Lingxi who had left, nor did he have any thoughts about Shangguan Lingxiu now. His entire focus was on his revenge.
Since the day Yun Yang had inexplicably returned to his senses, there was only one strong thought that filled his mind – his brothers were all dead and he was the only one who had survived. He was too busy with his revenge, how could he have the time and leisure to care about love and romance? If he had really done that, would he still be human? Would he still be human?
Even after a hundred years, how could he face his brothers in the underworld?
In spite of this, watching Shangguan Lingxiu leave quietly, Yun Yang unexpectedly felt a heavy weight in his heart.
Should he chase after her and comfort her?
Forget it. He was going up against the Four Seasons Tower, the most terrifying force in the entire Tianxuan Continent. He might just die one day if he was not careful. Since he did not have the ability to guarantee anything to the lady, what was the point of provoking her and giving her false hope?
…
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