Starting from March and lasting for half a month until April, the Apocalypse's updates were basically three days of fishing and two days of drying nets. They would stop for a long time, and the updates were also very short.
Although no one said anything or urged me to do so, I was more aware than anyone that this kind of delay in updating was very irresponsible.
Apart from the fact that I was looking for loopholes in old articles, there is actually another reason that I didn't want to talk about … But in the past two days, I've been looking at my scattered updates, and I feel that you guys are probably the most qualified to know. So even though it's very difficult for me to talk about it, I'm prepared to be honest.
After so much foreshadowing, to put it bluntly, there is only one sentence. In March, I experienced the first episode of depression in my life. I was completely caught off guard and sunk into the abyss. It lasted for two to three weeks. Maybe, I didn't even know what happened to me, because I had never experienced it before, I didn't understand.
It's not that I was particularly sad, although there were moments like this, but most of the time, I felt like all my energy was sucked dry. The second batch of Shanghai Evergreens died as soon as they sprouted, and the two pots of ferns turned yellow because I couldn't get up from the sofa to water them. I didn't want to eat, I didn't sleep for one or two days, and then slept for another one or two days. I was too lazy to open my mouth to speak, I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't read more than two lines of words, it was as if everything in my brain was broken into pieces, my brain was a constant clamor of conflict, I couldn't even take care of myself on a daily basis, such as washing my face, washing my hair, eating and drinking.
What does it feel like? My skin is my cage. Even if I suffocate, I can't escape. (Does this phrase sound familiar?). Everyone's life is a custom-made hell, and I'm in my custom-made hell.
I didn't even know how I managed to write these updates during this period of time, because any effort to focus on something would be torn apart by a storm of chaotic thoughts. I'm not myself at all, it's like a blade of grass being whipped by distracting thoughts and darkness, I can be uprooted if I'm not careful.
I don't know what the trigger is, maybe it's because of the epidemic and the subsequent effects.
In fact, it seems that some readers found out, but I didn't say anything at the time. I didn't want to talk about it because I would feel a little ashamed, as if I had done something wrong … I also knew that this kind of thinking wasn't healthy in itself.
Currently, I might have used 693 words to make you unhappy, but that wasn't my intention. Isn't it shameful for an entertainment author to make the readers depressed?
I've contacted the doctor a few times, but the clinic hasn't reopened yet, so I can only stay at home to save myself. I've tried many methods, and it seems that they're slowly starting to have some effect. The storm in my brain is showing signs of gradually calming down.
What I found most helpful was meditation. Don't laugh, I used to think that the difference between meditation and sleeping was that one had music and the other didn't …
But from mindfulness.
At the beginning of the practice, he felt that after practicing for five minutes, his mind seemed to be clearer. Later on, when he looked again, he realized that this was meditation. Moreover, the more I meditated, the longer I meditated. From five minutes at the beginning, I now meditated for thirty minutes every day. Even after I finished meditating, I still felt like I hadn't had enough and wanted another bowl … In the long run, I felt like it would be of great help.
So don't worry about me. If anyone has similar problems, feel free to PM me. We can work hard together. I also hope to recover my state as soon as possible, to a state where I can write updates.
Next, I want to talk about meditation.
[The following content may cause controversy. People under 21 years old are advised to read it carefully under the guidance of their parents or professionals. People over 21 years old are advised to give up reading it.]
I'm very interested in the field of altered mental states in humans, especially when it comes to psychedelics, so I read the popular How to Eat book.
Mind, I read it the first time. When I was reading it, I noticed that there was a piece of information. It said that the brain activity and areas of monks who were good at meditation were highly similar to the brain activity and areas of people who used Psychedelics. They were all areas of the human brain that wouldn't normally be activated.
Of course, I hadn't started practicing meditation at that time, but I had experience using Psychedelics (I used it legally, I wouldn't do anything illegal). Now that I've tried both, I have to say that the user experience is really very similar.
There's a Stone Theory.
The ape theory goes like this: The ancestors of humans were originally no different from other apes. Then why were these apes able to evolve into humans? It was because they discovered mushrooms during a great migration … After eating the mushrooms, they activated the brain circuits that they normally couldn't activate. That's how the possibility of human evolution appeared. (I'm especially fascinated by this theory, so I think it's true. It doesn't matter what other people say.)
Of course, I'm not advising everyone to eat mushrooms, nor can you buy mushrooms. What I mean is, isn't there something even healthier and more beneficial to the mind? Meditation practice. (Yes, I'm selling it. In this day and age, who else can you find besides me?)
After meditation, my personal experience is that my mind and brain have become especially clear and sharp. Even my vision seems to have been sharpened. It's like a myopic person putting on glasses for the first time, the brain version. It's much easier to focus. Understanding the meaning of words has become faster and easier. To make an analogy, it's like a computer that's wound up ().
Not only does long-term meditation have a positive effect on people with depression, I think it's worth a try for people who are stressed, tired, or simply want to have a better experience.
Although the apocalypse is an entertainment novel, it's fate that we all met each other (not to mention we spent money on it). So, I hope that I can share more things with you in my spare time. We can see different worlds together and experience a better life.
(So, can you all forgive me for my incompetence in updating?)
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